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The latest patch 5.4 newsDrama Mamas: Making a fresh start after an honest mistake
by Robin Torres 
Dec 10th 2010 at 5:00PM
Drama Mamas Lisa Poisso and Robin Torres are experienced gamers and real-life mamas -- and just as we don't want our precious babies to be the ones kicking and wailing on the floor of the checkout lane next to the candy, neither do we want you to become known as That Guy on your realm.
The Drama Mamas roundup post with followup from letters we've featured in previous Drama Mamas columns will run in just a few more weeks. So there's still time to send us an email at DramaMamas@wow.com if you would to share what's happened with your situation since we last heard from you.
Dear Drama Mamas,
I started playing the game about a month after The Burning Crusade was released. I was still a kid, and gave my toon a foolish name. I know my name gets some weird responses, and when I race change to a worgen in Cataclysm, I am going to change my name.
Anyway, I play on a RP server ... which only happened because my brother (who now does not play) randomly picked it when he started. I started playing after him and thus chose the same server. My server is fairly weak when it comes to progression guilds, with only one having defeated heroic Lich King-25 (and it was after 4.0.1). For the duration of my Wrath WoW career, I was in a mid-level progression guild for my server, which got to 11/12 in ICC Regular. I was fairly disappointed, because I really want to get an achievement mount. The guild leader gave up trying to lead, and this week he joined the #2 guild on the server. He said he still plans to lead the guild I am in on his alt, but I know that is not going to work out. You can't lead a progression guild on an alt, while competing for server firsts on your main.
Because of his leaving, I want to find a new raiding guild, and I want one that will be more "hardcore." Thus, I applied to the same guild my old GM did, as I usually beat him in DPS meters, and he got in -- so I thought I would too. The new guild agreed to give me a trial run. I thought it went well, as we had zero issues, and I held my DPS against the regulars who far out-geared me. The regular raiders actually complimented me on my adaptability for learning hard modes for the first time and that my DPS was great for the gear I was in.
The group was fun, and with all the hard modes they did, a lot of the gear was an upgrade for me. The recruitment officer said I was free to roll but that I would only get items if nobody else wanted them, and I agreed. Because of this, I ended up rolling on a lot of loot and was declined almost all of it. I thought this was perfectly understandable and only rolled in case nobody else wanted it. I do admit though, it was excessive. The GM told me to stop rolling on loot, so I did. In the end though, I was declined. I didn't think it was that big of a deal, but I guess the GM was really annoyed. I was sad, but not angry, as there are other guilds.
I then applied to another guild (on the same day as my other rejection), but was immediately rejected. They told me this: "We received some internal feedback regarding your behavior in previous raid groups. We were told that you have a tendency to be pompous and self-serving in your pursuits, that you weren't a team player."
I was shocked. I had never been declined like this. I first was worried that I gave off this impression regularly and started asking people I knew to give me an honest critique. My old GM said this: "You're a good player, and you know how the game works. However, you're not very good at presenting yourself to strangers." I realized then that my absentmindedness with loot had completely killed my chance of joining a competitive raiding group. Also, I later learned that the guilds talk to each other about who is applying.
What can I do now? A friend recommended server transferring, which I am considering. I have a bunch of alts though, and I do not want to leave them behind. I can wait until after my race/name change and pretend I server transferred and apply to a third guild. I also was wondering what you would recommend in terms of how to act to improve my image, and what is the best thing to do in first impressions.
Thanks!
Sad & and Wanting to Improve
Drama Mama Lisa: I think your friend's got the right idea, Sad. The fair thing to do here is to give everyone -- including you -- a nice, fresh start. Here's why:- Don't pretend to be someone you're not. A new name won't change the past. Determined guilds and officers use tools such as WoWProgress to check out applicants for shiestiness, so you're fairly likely to get caught at your game. It's also fairly likely you'll eventually say or do something to connect you with your past identity and other characters. Most importantly, though, pretending to be someone else is just wrong -- and you deserve better.
- The grass really is greener. That's a pretty little metaphor -- much prettier, in fact, than the one my own guild tosses around in situations like this: "You've peed in your own pool." Get outta the water and go find another swimming hole. A realm full of people with reservations about your character is far from the place you want to hang your hat to enjoy your game time. This is your chance to find the right guild, the right realm, the right mix of people ... Your vistas are wide open before you.
- There's never been a better time to start fresh. You can change realms, factions, races, looks, names ... Or start fresh and see WoW from the start through the eyes of a race or faction or class you haven't tried before. There'll be plenty of raiding groups beginning Cataclysm content later on, once players have finished bringing up new characters and alts. The opportunities for finding a new raiding guild should stay open for quite some time.
- Don't worry about your alts. It's the beginning of a new expansion. XP flows like wine, and bringing up a new crew should be easy and more enjoyable than ever in the newly revised world. If you're starting out alone on a new realm, take a couple of gathering professions at first. You'll find yourself rolling in cash and resources sooner than you think.
Drama Mama Robin: Sad, I would like to point out a few things from your letter:
- You chose your current server because of your brother who no longer plays.
- It's an RP server and you don't RP.
- Your server is "fairly weak when it comes to progression guilds."
While honesty is always the best policy, that doesn't mean you have to go to your new server carrying your bad reputation with you, like prisoner 24601 showing his parole papers to all prospective employers. Everyone deserves a clean slate, particularly if you want to pull a Jean Valjean and use it to be better. You don't put that temp, part-time job you got fired from as a kid on your resumé, because you learned your lesson and don't need that black mark following you around. You also don't need to put your previous server's guild experience on your new apps. Since you are working hard to not be that same guildie, it's just not indicative of your current behavior.
Now I'm going to paraphrase some tips I gave to Raiding While Female to help you make a good first impression:
- Let your actions do the talking. Keep quiet in Vent and guild/app chat unless absolutely necessary, until you are accepted and out of your initial probation period. Show that you are the player they want you to be; no need to tell them.
- Be uber. Work on your skills and your teamwork. Be the best of your class, and they will want to keep you around.
- Be humble. There's always something new to learn. Listen to advice, even if you already know what they are telling you. Keep your mind open to new ideas.
- Be patient about loot. If you're not sure if it's appropriate to roll on a piece of loot, ask permission in whispers before rolling. The loot will come. It's more important to get in good with a group of people you enjoy playing with than to have the best gear first.
Dodge the drama and become that player everyone wants in their group with a little help and insight from the Drama Mamas. Remember, your mama wouldn't want to see your name on any drama. Play nice ... and when in doubt, ask the Drama Mamas at DramaMamas@wow.com. Filed under: Analysis / Opinion, Drama Mamas
Reader Comments (Page 4 of 4)
Broken-toes Dec 10th 2010 7:49PM
Sounds a bit like your realm is a crap hole, if you enjoy RP go to a more populated RP realm, or another realm- just leave the one your on.
What would be a good idea is makin a alt on another realm, especially considering the new starting stuff, seeing how that goes, and if you really want to transfer your other characters to there. It gives you the chance to set roots, see who's who- and since you know how to play hopefully make a place for yourself.
If the no2 guild doesn't want you and they're making an effort to bad mouth ye on your realm, it either sounds like you came off wrong in the way you actually wanted loot (which is pretty pathetic) or your an actual dick head (just saying, only your word on what happened) or your old leader has a problem with you personally and is making a nuisance of himself behind the scenes.
Honestly that realm sounds like a crap hole full of crotch grabbing clique's - go find a new realm, tip your toes in first see how it goes then dump a max lvl char in there. Dump your ties with the realm your on, looks like they've closed ranks on ye for some reason or another.
hbei Dec 10th 2010 8:36PM
Should tell te two guild masters to "f themselves" and get a real life. This is a online game, not applying to Harvard... WTf lol
Dawts Dec 10th 2010 8:47PM
I think a lot of people missed the fact that the recruitment officer told him to roll on loot, but it was the GM who was annoyed by him.
The writer himself said that his rolling was excessive so I'm thinking he rolled on everything.
Also you don't get called pompous by rolling too much. Sounds like a case of bad attitude, while a server transfer is fine, I'd say you still need to solve the core problem or face it again on the other server. Why not ask the GM what exactly you did to annoy him, worst he can do is ignore you.
Parchoogler Dec 10th 2010 10:09PM
I may be totally wrong, but I think if this guy is going to transfer servers or change his name, he should inform the new guild of his past wrongdoings, and explain that he didn't intend to come off that way and that he would try to fix himself.
Know that this is coming from a non-raider (at the moment at least), so I'm not sure if my advice is good or not.
Twill Dec 11th 2010 2:16AM
From my perspective, that just makes the new guild they apply to immediately hesitant about accepting them. It shifts the application process from:
Do we like them?
to:
Is he a bad person? If he is perfect, maybe we will accept him.
I could be wrong of course.
Lipstick Dec 11th 2010 12:31AM
Frankly, it sounds to me as if the guy did nothing wrong when he raided with that other guild, his former GM just didn't like the competition and no doubt spread lies / said bad things about him to his new guildees. It could of been as simple as "don't take that guy -- he's a total loot whore."
Which depending on the viciousness of the attacks to his reputation could have spread. Perhaps the other dps in that guild weren't happy with the fact that someone who under geared them enough to warrant him needing to roll on constant upgrades out preformed them?
Either way -- the author is better off moving on. After all, you can't fix stupid.
Mr. Tastix Dec 11th 2010 12:57AM
Step up your game if you're being out-dpsed by a player who under-gears you.
If they can do better than you than you can do better than you with some actual effort.
Lipstick Dec 11th 2010 3:49AM
I'm sure you were directing this post at the other members of that guild -- but it's worded in such a way it sounded like you were talking to me.
To clarify -- I play a healer. I was just saying why I thought the guy wasn't given a ginvite and was blacklisted.
Mr. Tastix Dec 11th 2010 12:56AM
Simply put the guild leader's a douche and it is probably better off that he starts anew.
The main reason is because the guild leader who caused the problem in the first place has now started spreading absolute lies and slander to every other guild. Chances are he's told nothing but rumours and anything relating to the raid he was in has been lost in a puddle of lies.
I feel sorry for the guy who wrote the letter. I'm not the greatest raid leader around, I'm also not the most hardcore of players, but I believe in being open to my raiders and who gets certain loot. This guy clearly wasn't, he told the guy he could do one thing then shunned him for doing it.
usagizero Dec 11th 2010 6:04AM
So many red flags in this, starting with this line "started playing the game about a month after The Burning Crusade was released. I was still a kid". I'm guessing this is a case of "but i'm a big kid now!". We are only getting one side of the story, his, and from his perspective of "It's because of loot". I'm guessing he was one of those people calling people noobs for getting lower than him on recount, posting it after every battle, and mocking people who are lower. I've seen it, mostly from pallies, in regular dungeons under 70 even. I'm not taking this kids word on why he kept getting denied, and a server tansfer won't help if he doesn't learn.
deluded spider Dec 15th 2010 7:42AM
I'm with you on everything, except the implication that if he was young when BC came out, his point is somehow invalid because BC was "only" five years ago. I don't know if that's what you're implying, so forgive me if you didn't mean that. Five years doesn't seem that long to an adult, but it's a long time in terms of maturing (and gaming). You could quite possibly go from being "a kid" to an adult in five years: A 16 year old is very different from a 21 year old, which is very different from a 26 year old.
I'm just saying, I was a total moron when I first played WoW during vanilla, and so was my boyfriend, when he first played during BC. Unless you have previous MMO experience (we did not), there's a lot to learn about things like raid etiquette. But you learn your lesson pretty quickly when things like this happen, and it'd be a shame to let it follow you forever.
However, if this "kid" goes to a whole new server and still has problems, I think we'll know who the culprit is.
Sarabande Dec 11th 2010 10:23AM
In some ways, I think trial runs are like lunch interviews . . . a way to see how a person interacts with others and behaves in general. As with such, putting on the best behavior (maybe slightly more than normal) is best. I mean, if the company if picking up the check and the interviewer says "order whatever you want" technically you CAN get the most expensive surf n' turf meal with a bottle of Dom Perignon, but it's a form of trial - so, the smart thing to do is, DON'T DO THAT. You'll be seen as being kind of grubby. And as well, do your best and show your skills, but don't show your competitiveness with your potential coworkers and superiors.
I know it's not a job, but in a way, it's an audition process. If you rub any of the officers wrong, it could be detrimental. And it sounds like the server has a small-town feel to it . . . word gets around quickly.
The ladies are right - the server holds nothing for him. I'd say, study up on the next choice of server - not only by knowing the progression of the realm but the overall atmosphere, and the fit. I wish him good luck in his search.
And I don't know what the original writer may have said during the raid or to the guild members, bur personally, I can only hear so much about someone's super-duper awesome dps, how much they are better than everyone else, how they pwn'd whoever, etc., etc, before I start to get irritated and stop paying attention. That kind of stuff alone doesn't impress me. Some of the best players I know can still be very humble in their words, and be great team players, and speak volumes by demonstrating their skills rather than talking incessantly about how much better they are than their teammates.
Mau Dec 11th 2010 1:16PM
People DO realzie this is just a game right? If a guild goes through all that crap of "trial runs" is not worth joinning.
We already have jobs and responsabilities, and WoW shouldn't become one.
Kole Dec 11th 2010 1:25PM
"The recruitment officer said I was free to roll but that I would only get items if nobody else wanted them, and I agreed."
"The GM told me to stop rolling on loot, so I did. In the end though, I was declined. I didn't think it was that big of a deal, but I guess the GM was really annoyed."
Sounds like you were set up to fail no matter how well you did....transfer now!!!! Run as fast as you can!
Finding the right server will be some work, but worth it in the end. Good luck!!!
CBGStylee Dec 11th 2010 1:39PM
I was in this trial raid the OP wrote in about. Lets clear the air here about a few things.
-His name was kind of stupid but nobody really cares about that. People just like to tease about it in the application process. Unless your name is FACESMASHEREXTREME or something that makes it look like the guild accepts 14 year olds then really nobody cares. The guild is on an RP server but none of its members are RP people maybe they all ended up there the same way as the OP. I know i did.
-He was informed he could roll on stuff nobody wanted. He just rolled on practically anything that even smelled like an upgrade. Remember the trial raid is for impressing the guild with your skills, not for gearing up. Yeah they'll throw you the scraps but it gets annoying to see a roll every time. Think of it this way, if you get in, you'll get all the loot you need. When I apped i didnt roll on a piece of loot for a month even though i was permitted to just as he had been. The guild distributes loot on a free roll system so all its members are considerate of each other in knowing when to roll and when to pass even if it may be an upgrade for you, its just a courtesy we pay each other and it works very well when you have the right kind of people. to see someone roll on anything just in case nobody wanted it was just a bit concerning/annoying, nothing more.
-He was on a trial raid not a trial membership. His old GM had been accepted on a trial membership, a period of time where you have demonstrated some skills in the trial raid, now we want to take a longer look at you over a period of time to see if you are a good fit with our personalities. The fit with the guild personality is Equally as important as his skill on the battlefield, it is a close knit group who spend a great deal of time playing together. The OP's former GM was a decent player and a good guy but I don't believe he was going to make the final cut and i think he knew it too which is why he left. (mind you Im not an officer, just a regular raider and that was my opinion as a fly on the wall)
-The OP was a decent player but he had a few things going against him. He was playing what was apparently his offspec. He was applying for a spot that had already seen a few new recruits brought in (you can only actively support X number of spec Y) and its a spec that doesnt see a lot of extra raid spots. Also he was applying at the end of an expansion cycle. Tons of applications, gear is worthless, motivation by the regulars to raid old content has dwindled.
-as for the bad rap with his next application, we dont dump on people who get declined unless they were rude or totally bad. if he got declined by another guild maybe their feeling out process with who to grant trials to is pickier or theyre likely to be put off just by the fact that you've been declined by one of their peer-guilds. their policies may be different.
TLDR: OP was a decent player, may have rubbed some the wrong way, may not have. He just didnt have enough things going FOR him to get him a spot. Best of luck to him in his search for a guild that can use him.