Officers' Quarters: When a sense of obligation covers up burnout
by Scott Andrews 
Feb 14th 2011 at 9:00AM
Officer burnout takes many forms. Sometimes it manifests as a subtle, creeping bitterness. Sometimes it shows up suddenly, as unexpected rage. Sometimes, it's a feeling of emptiness, like the one described in this week's email. This week, I'll look at this particular form of burnout and talk about what this officer can do to cure it.
Dear Officer's Quarters,
I am an officer in a fairly successful 25-man raiding guild (currently #2 on our server). I've been part of the guild leadership for over a year at this point, and my tenure has been characterized by my dedication and hard work. My guildmaster has privately told me on several occasions that he feels that I'm the person in the guild that "tries the hardest." However, of late, I feel that my hard work is no longer rewarding me with anything, not even a feeling of accomplishment.
Unfulfilled, you didn't use the word burnout in your email, but that's what I'm hearing. You're not having fun anymore -- and that's the whole point of playing!The problem really seems that my efforts aren't acknowledged, and I'm appreciated for very little if nothing at all. Of course, this is probably the situation for most officers, as guildies tend not to say anything if nothing is wrong. However, I feel that my situation goes deeper than that.
I don't really have any close friends in the guild anymore; most of them have either moved on or have personally changed. I also am online much less than most people in the guild; due to my status as a college student, I have to manage my time very judiciously, but this really hurts my ability to form any sort of relationship with the newer members of the guild, and I've had people tell me that I appear distant and aloof.
In the end though, I play this game and put my effort in as an officer because I can always count on some sort of satisfaction coming from it, mainly from being a part of a team. At this point, however, I really am questioning whether I am part of that team anymore.
I once had a therapist tell me that I shouldn't put huge amounts of energy into something that I get little to no satisfaction from, and that it's unhealthy. She was talking about a relationship with a girlfriend that I was struggling with at the time, but I feel that this applies to my current situation as well. Do you have any advice for me?
Sincerely,
Unfulfilled
Your situation
Different forms of burnout stem from different causes. The rage I mentioned earlier, for example, is often the result of long-standing, deep-seated frustrations that one day all come bursting to the surface. Your burnout is more of a general malaise. Because you feel alienated from the guild, you derive little pleasure or sense of accomplishment from helping the guild to succeed. I would argue that feeling satisfied with officer duties can only occur when you feel some sort of bond with the people in the guild. Lacking that, even their overt thanks (which, as you say, are seldom offered in most guilds) would probably not entirely satisfy you.
I've been there, too, and I'm sure you'll see comments below from other officers who feel the same way. Guilds that survive do change over time, particularly their rosters. Sometimes you take a look around and realize that everyone you joined the guild to play with has moved on or stopped playing.
When I made the decision to shut down my own guild for good, a big part of that decision stemmed from what had happened to the roster. The guild had been founded with friends, and it grew and thrived under our leadership. Over the years, those friends stopped playing WoW one by one. Sure, I had made new friends also, but the roster had changed so much, especially at the officer level, that it just wasn't the same guild at all anymore.
In your case, it sounds like you haven't been able to replace your departed friends with new ones due to other obligations, so you're actually in worse shape that I was. I would suggest choosing one of two paths.
Two paths
Path A Take a break from the game for a week or two. See how you feel at the end of it when you log back in. If you feel refreshed and happy to be back, then make an attempt to get to know your guildmates better. Run some heroics with them when you can spare the time, or just hang out in Orgrimmar/Stormwind and chat with people while you're doing homework. Hopefully, over time, you'll feel more connected to the guild and will once again feel some pride and satisfaction from helping to lead it.
If, on the other hand, you don't feel good about logging in again after your break, step down from your officer position and reevaluate what you want out of WoW, if indeed you want anything at this point. It may be time for you to stop playing for a longer time period.
Path B Explain how you feel to your guild leader and step down from the position. Continue to play to see if lifting the burden of responsibility allows you to enjoy the game again.
Being an officer comes with a lot of baggage, and it's hard to go back to being a normal member in the same guild you once helped lead. You may need to explore the possibility of joining another guild, possibly one that a friend of yours belongs to, before you can actually have fun playing WoW again.
I was on the verge of quitting WoW altogether when I had an opportunity to join a great guild on my server that just needed a good raider. Being back in the trenches -- rather than surveying the field from the command post -- has renewed my interest in the game. I've made new friends there without the added pressures and duties of leadership.
Cures
Sometimes, the best cure for burnout is taking a break. Sometimes, the only cure is a complete change of pace. Ultimately, you have to decide which cure is better for your situation. The one thing I can tell you is that you can't continue to go on as you have been. Burnout, as I've said, takes different forms, and one form -- feeling unfulfilled -- can morph into another form -- depression or worse. Take care of yourself. After all, it's difficult to solve other people's problems unless you're happy with your own situation first.
/salute
Join us to learn how to survive the leveling process, deal with guild perk freeloaders, and discuss the guild talent controversy or the guild reputation system. Send Scott your guild-related questions and suggestions at scott@wowinsider.com; you may find your question the subject of next week's Officers' Quarters! Filed under: Officers' Quarters (Guild Leadership)
Reader Comments (Page 1 of 2)
Sleutel Feb 14th 2011 9:14AM
I must admit I'm curious where Scott Andrews went to college that he could sit in a chat channel and actually carry on a meaningful conversation while doing homework.
Scooter Feb 14th 2011 11:09AM
You lost me at "chat channel" and "meaningful conversation"
bubbap51 Feb 14th 2011 11:18AM
Who actually did homework in college? I finished my masters at OU and never missed any of our raid nights because of homework. That is what Sunday afternoons are for.
Ps. Go Sooners, only added so no one thinks I am from Ohio.
Tirrimas Feb 14th 2011 11:52AM
Sometimes the point isn't to have deep, meaningful talks with the people you hang out with. A simple presence and an occasional comment is enough to help satisfy the social itch. Yes, you learn a lot about people by discussing current event or philosophy, but you also learn a lot by what they find funny or amazing in-game.
Yeah, I'm that person who makes offhand comments about this or that as I quest around - like the time I saw Deathwing and about had a coronary, or how constantly amazed I was by Vashj'ir's scenery.
elvendude Feb 14th 2011 1:11PM
For me, it's much like doing homework in a coffee shop. Except this coffee shop is quiet enough for me to concentrate, plays the music I want, and has my friends there instead of a bunch of strangers.
Some of us need to be able to take our head up from our homework for a few moments and be distracted.
Nose to the grindstone all the time eventually means you'll have no face left. /sagenod
Sleutel Feb 14th 2011 7:01PM
@bubbap51:
The person writing in, apparently. And I note that you aren't claiming that you did homework *while* you were raiding. Seems like Dear Reader is in a position where he can still contribute but can't socialize outside of raid or what have you.
@Tirrimas:
Actually, that's the kind of thing I meant by meaningful conversation. Not that it has to be deeply intellectual, just that you have to actually engage with the other people you're theoretically talking to. Sharing anecdotes and commenting on what's going on will help the writer reconnect with his guild; stopping between physics problems to type "grats" and "lol" isn't going to do anything for him.
Miri Feb 14th 2011 9:16AM
I agree with B. Being an officer/leader of a guild is exhausting. The game is much more fun when you don't have to worry about other people, planning, organizing, pleasing, etc.
Anytime that I have been offered and officer position, I have turned it down for that reason. Maybe you should try playing for yourself instead of everyone else. :)
Mr. Tastix Feb 14th 2011 10:43AM
Subjective, really.
Being an officer doesn't have to be it's own reward. As in the email, the person felt appreciated and wanted at some point but lost the drive when certain problems arose.
I've been both an officer and a raid leader; I've helped sort out guild-related problems, I've setup and managed raids. I was, in essence, the guild leaders right-hand man. I was apart of the guild as much as it was apart of me.
Things change, however. I'm no longer in said guild and have no real desire to lead raids or be any more than some casual advisor. It can be fun but it can also be very tiring, very ungratifying work with very little reward: That's generally what burns people out from the positions in the first place.
Some people never get this feeling, however. I feel it's different when people come and go from a guild or you're gone for periods of a time (like the emailer, in this case) and can't be active as much as you may have once be. If you're a constant part of a guild that hardly ever changes is, you may never see these problems at all.
Returna Feb 14th 2011 9:28AM
I know exactly this feeling.
When ICC hard modes were relevant, I was the main tank and one of the longest tenured members of my guild (in addition to being an officer/raid manager). Between the stress of juggling the 25 man raid and making time for a 10 man raid (which was substantially more successful), I felt an obligation to sign on every night and do everything in my power to make raids happen. Add in that we had people quitting left and right, and our recruitment tactics left much to be desired, some nights we'd have 22 raiders on and have to supplement with alts or social invites.
Ultimately it got to me. I had to quit (because there's no point in yelling and ranting with people you don't see face-to-face). I took a several month long break before coming back just before Cataclysm.
What works for me now is that a small group of people I like playing with has moved on from our previous guild. We just run a 10 man and a 10 man alt group, there's less management involved, less stress, and overall more fun.
Phil Feb 14th 2011 9:39AM
The lion looks so sad =(
Kharonthe Feb 14th 2011 11:15AM
Because it can't get out of roots now!
Parrin Feb 14th 2011 9:42AM
Taking a break from WoW is critical if you're going to succeed in life. There were a lot of times where the 6 month discounted pay method kept me playing when I should have stopped. I'd look at the bill from a month or two back, and just not be able to let it go since I'd already paid for it. As a college student, if this affects you at all, just pull out your last semester's bill. Trust me, it will be very clear how much the game should mean to you at that point.
I've enjoyed WoW for several years now. It's been a varied experience. But when the fun went away with the latest expansion, I had to reevaluate my playing habits. Being focused on end-game content was no longer viable due to real-life changes. Now, I just use my main for funding my alts, and the game is, once again, a stress reliever instead of a stress creator.
If it's not worth it anymore, give your guild leader a heads-up, and just let it go.
Kittypawz Feb 14th 2011 9:48AM
This very thing happened to me in a guild that I once was an officer. I too, was unhappy and frustrated with the guild but had stayed because I was running the guild website, Logs, Vent, and the guild bank. I had approached the GM about me stepping down and he had told me that he would never demote me because of all the stuff that I was doing behind the scenes. I ended up letting the guild know through our forums and ended up doing the aforementioned, path B. I have to say that I'm glad that I did it. I have had quite a bit of fun being in my new guild and just being a raider and getting to know new people and develop new friendships. I still talk to some of my old guildies via RealID and if you end up chosing path B then I would suggest something similar.
Kunikenwad! Feb 14th 2011 11:06AM
But Blackwater Raiders misses you! I'm glad that you're having fun in the game though - it's meant to be a fun break from reality and not a part-time job.
Rob Feb 14th 2011 10:08AM
OP, its a hard road when you are the one who is responsible for the success of your guild. I was in the same position, and at the end I concluded that it was my life and my fun, and why should i have a second job when one was bad enough. I transfered raid responsibilities to another, who was far more interested and capable, and let every know I would be greatly decreasing my play time. At this point I may be done with WoW entirely , except for playing with my wife or leveling alts. But yeah i def. need a break. One thing I learned is that the pixels will always be there, and the memories can not be recaptured. The fun you have now with your current friends will not be the same in six months, people come and go quite a bit.
I just got back into an old guild on my alt, fun people. I hardly recognize it any more. Their membership has exploded, but everyone is so new nothing is really gelling right now. Sure a handful of people are left from the old guild, but even they hardly remember me. Nor do I expect them to. Life goes on, after all.
Frozenstar Feb 14th 2011 10:25AM
First, I practice my Latin paradigms as I fly around doing arch and read articles while hanging out in guild chat waiting for an event to start. So studying and playing is possible.
As for burnout:
I would def. talk to the GM first and get their perspective. I would try either (a) taking a short break from the game or (b) taking a short break from being an officer. Then ya, as the OP said, reevaluate after a week.
My Co-GM found himself feeling a bit burnt out, so he stepped down from main tank and officer, and he seems to be enjoying the game more now as a grunt dps. (But who can still backseat tank from time to time.)
Also, I know that with meeting new people in general, if you don't force yourself to say hi to people in the beginning, it only gets harder. I would suggest whispering some of the newer guildies, personally introducing yourself, and asking about them or starting some sort of convo. As a new guildie, veterans can be intimidating, so don't expect them to seek you out.
tl;dr Use this as an opportunity to try a new role in the guild, talk with the newer guildies, or take a short break like the OP suggested.
Kier Feb 14th 2011 10:53AM
Some people like helping other people, and keeping structure, and would prefer to be a guild officer for that exact reason. Highly honorable people none-the-less, but it can ware people down over time.
Scooter Feb 14th 2011 11:08AM
I've said it before and I'll say it again.
"Evaluate the quality of the time/effort your spending and then listen to yourself."
A lot of therapy boils down to asking someone what they already know and then encouraging them to accept a logical course of action. You're not having fun right? Well then one way or another you need to take a break.
Take a little time, go outside and enjoy yourself. Don't force yourself to play a game you don't enjoy. Your first obligation is to yourself.
Sinthar Feb 14th 2011 11:18AM
Hi,
As an officer, I can sympathise. I personally would suggest using both the author methods.
1) resign as an officer - its not doing you any favours - and is causing you problems - so say sorry and step down. Find a replacement for yourself as an officer - and with your GM's ok, train them to do your job.
Now raid solely as a raider for a week or two and judge if you are now enjoying the game
If not - then go for
2) explain you need to have a break, and take one. Dont visit forums, read up, or blog anything wow related. Let it completely go. Explore other games (pref non MMO ones so they are completely different) and other aspects of life (BEER &GIRLS!!!! - not ness in that order :) ) or if your inclination is other to that then (BOYS n BOOZE). Being a sudent means theres probably a lot of that around you. Other activities, hobbys etc.
When you feel that you now want to log on, then hopefully you will find refreshed and having fun again.
Be cafeful not to run back to your old ways, let it build gradually, if you want it to get back to the same level at all. Start with a few heroics, then progress back to raiding, and then decide if thats enough for you. If you then want to go back to officer, have a word with your GM and see what can be done.
I have taken a break or two, sometimes enforced by personal circumstances, sometimes cos I felt it was a chore to log on. Tis worth a go.
ambermist Feb 14th 2011 11:50AM
I've never been an officer, but I went through all of these steps until I found the one that worked. We had been in our guild for 4 years. I never stopped loving to raid, even entering ICC four nights a week for months, but I did get tired of people. When I figured out I felt this way, and that I was internally (usually) sniping at people, I took a 2 week break.
I came back fresh--for about 2 weeks. Then I started to feel the same issues all over again. In the end after much much consideration, my husband and I decided to change guilds for precisely what this column describes: it wasn't the same guild to us anymore. Very few of the people we had started raiding with remained, and the ones who did were burnt out themselves or had been quieted by the new, more boisterous members. There was a last-straw moment which we discussed it with the officers and our friend and GM. When it was clear that our issues weren't going to be addressed, we left; a month later, we joined a new guild.
I still consider many of the people in our previous guild friends, and most assuredly good players. It just wasn't home for us anymore. You've already narrowed it down to the primary problem (not feeling like you know your guild members)--that should be the starting point for what you do next. Good luck! :-)