The Queue: Defense Against the Dark Arts
by Michael Sacco 
Mar 19th 2011 at 12:00PM
I have no reason to feel confident that our current warlock columnist will survive his first few months in the position. The warlock columnist position here at WoW Insider is essentially our Defense Against the Dark Arts professor. No one lasts. In fact, the final question in today's Queue has me extrapolating numerous possible grim fates for poor Tyler. Magic isn't very glamorous, is it?
IDes asked:
I am a lvl 85, not hit capped... When facing the ole Lich King, will I miss, since he is a 'Boss' even though it is old content, for that matter will I still miss on any boss in any of the old raids if I am not hitcapped, since they dont have a level attached to them?
Raid bosses are almost universally "level skull," which means that things like hit/miss chance against them will always be calculated as if they were three levels above you.
Helper asked:
With RAF I know you can summon your friend. Does that work for people with their characters in the Worgen and Goblin starting zones or do you have to wait to be able to summon your friends until after you get out of the phased zone?
You can't be summoned out of the goblin/worgen starting zones until you complete them, though RAF friends can summon each other around said zones.
Cbeefman asked:
A little while back i saw something about a command that would allow an entire party or i think even a raid group to challenge another party/group to a random or specified battleground. Was i dreaming? or was this not implemented in the end? Also, if it IS in game, what is the command or where can i find info about it?
They're called war games, and you can access them by using the /wg or /wargame commands.
Simpsons Rule asked:
Will there be another opportunity for people to apply for the position of Warlock columnist? I understand that people have real-life issues going on but it has been quite a while and I'm sure there are many people (myself included) happy to take jabs at the Mage column . . . I mean explore the awesomeness that is the demonic arts.
Blood Pact has been running quite smoothly under the direction of Tyler Caraway for months now, so no, it's not likely that we'll be having a callout for a new columnist (again). Although, now that he's taken up the role of warlock columnist, I should probably expect Tyler to fall seriously ill, fall off a cliff, have an anvil or piano fall on him, get sent to the Phantom Zone, get possessed by beings from beyond space and time, get replaced with a double from the other universe, get hypnotized into thinking he's a dog and peeing on a fire hydrant resulting in incarceration, get bitten by a marauding werewolf and attempt to hide his shameful curse from the village, have his DNA merged with a fly's when testing his new teleportation technology, become his own grandfather, doom a civilization and himself with his hubris, inadvertently unleash a plague of insects upon his city, have painful urination, get the cheese lasagna when he totally asked for the meat lasagna, develop a sudden allergy to attractive people, or any other terrible fate based on what happened to our previous warlock columnists.
Have questions about the World of Warcraft? The WoW Insider crew is here with The Queue, our daily Q&A column. Leave your questions in the comments, and we'll do our best to answer 'em!
Filed under: The Queue
Reader Comments (Page 1 of 7)
Shade Mar 19th 2011 12:02PM
What the hell do people expect when they sign up to go romping around with demons?
Clearly felpuppies do not share your love.
Sleutel Mar 19th 2011 12:18PM
Look, the demonic slobber washes out.
Well, okay, no, it doesn't "wash out" so much as "eat a hole through my robe." Whatever, it's an Heirloom--no repair costs.
Qot Mar 19th 2011 2:45PM
Actually, the warlocks pay careful attention to their demons. In fact, they pay too much attention.
They're so focused on not being double crossed by their fel companions that they don't notice Christian Belt sneaking up and infecting them, pushing them off a cliff, dropping an anvil or piano fall on them, sending them to the Phantom Zone, providing portals for beings from beyond space and time so they can possess warlocks, replacing them with doubles (specifically, those who made better life choices and ended up mages) from other dimensions, hypnotizing them into thinking they're dogs and peeing on a fire hydrant resulting in incarceration, conjures pounds of mana bacon for them while he releases a marauding werewolf, putting flies into their teleportation circles so their DNA merges with a fly's when testing his new teleportation technology, sending them back in time so they become his own grandfather, tell them "what's the worst that could happen?" right before they doom a civilization and themselves with their hubris, hide a plague of insects in their backpacks, blink kidney stones into their bodies so they have painful urination, switch the orders so they get the cheese lasagna when they totally asked for the meat lasagna, or any other terrible fate based on what happened to the previous warlock columnists.
Anathemys Mar 20th 2011 6:09PM
Damn. I think my brain just exploded.
And, on a side note, I thought the last warlock columnist got trapped in limbo. Just sayin'.
Sqtsquish Mar 19th 2011 12:04PM
Seeing as I am the know-it-all lock in my guild I am starting to fear for myself there after hearing about that.
Herman Mar 19th 2011 1:32PM
what?
lazymangaka Mar 19th 2011 12:07PM
Man, I don't even play a Warlock, but I would be willing to roll the class and learn it inside and out, just to become the columnist and eventually be forcibly removed from the position by supernatural forces/acts of God.
Moonfaxx Mar 19th 2011 2:27PM
I like your avatar.
lazymangaka Mar 19th 2011 3:40PM
Ditto yours. Black mages all around.
Roy Mar 21st 2011 8:14AM
:-) yes, both avatars are full of win. I played that game every night with my dad for months... cast->lightning2 *pchew* *pchew* *pchew* *pchew* *pchew* -- cause there were always seeming to be 5 caribes and lightning was the BOMB against caribes...
Zanaji Mar 19th 2011 12:08PM
...hugs Tyler...
fallemwarrior Mar 19th 2011 12:52PM
Ill start working on another tombstone
BigDumbFace Mar 19th 2011 1:09PM
@Fallem
"Well... That didn't work."
SamLowry Mar 19th 2011 2:27PM
Spinal Tap has an opening for a drummer--maybe he could apply for that?
SamLowry Mar 19th 2011 2:28PM
Aww, poo--someone already accepted it.
Baba Mar 19th 2011 8:31PM
@fallemwarrior You do that! I'd start digging the grave but since it's unlikely that a whole corpse will be found, I guess I shouldn't bother.
p.s. I don't think non-warlocks are in the know here, but the reason columnists keep vanishing is that we are naturally competitive, callous, beings. Promotion into the gently smoking shoes of our predecessors is not objectional to us :)
Deathgodryuk Mar 19th 2011 11:13PM
I'm so glad someone who wasn't me also made the Spinal Tap connection to this Queue.
Fuzzl Mar 19th 2011 12:10PM
"develop a sudden allergy to attractive people."
Clever, Sacco, clever.
North Mar 19th 2011 5:45PM
"...doom a civilization and himself with his hubris.."
I liked that one the best
Wist Mar 20th 2011 1:17AM
Wouldn't he have to be exposed to attractive people for that to be deadly anyway? What are the odds of that?