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Drama Mamas: Vent troubles vs. That Guy

Drama Mamas Lisa Poisso and Robin Torres are experienced gamers and real-life mamas -- and just as we don't want our precious babies to be the ones kicking and wailing on the floor of the checkout lane next to the candy, neither do we want you to become known as That Guy on your realm.

The above video is not on topic. Anyway, let's talk about That Guy. He's always causing drama. Or is he?

Dear Robin and Lisa,

I recently found myself in an interesting situation: Running our guild second 10 man raid team. Or more accurately, finishing it off with two tanks, a healer and a DPS. Getting the DPS and the healer was fairly easy without going outside the guild or recruiting anyone. And I even convinced one of our officers to be the MT. This afternoon, at the spur of the moment, he (the MT guild officer) formed a Bastion of Twilight raid with most of the second team members in it, including me (shammy healer), along with a tank friend of his. So, we get there, join vent, mine is working fine (this is important) and we start the first pulls, things are going just fine and we get to the first boss. Halfus has 3 drakes available (twilight, slate and time) so after a short discussion in vent, a strategy is decided on and we attack the boss. Three wipes later, they down the boss, my first ever kill on Halfus. I even get this amulet drop which is a huge upgrade for me, so I am happy.

As we progress through the trash to the second boss(s) I notice vent is unusually silent, so I ask if anyone is saying anything in vent, I get a yes, along with a bunch of people saying "can you hear us say that ****" in raid chat, I say no, my vent must not be working right. The Raid leader(Guild officer MT) doesn't say anything, and proceeds to the next few pulls and we get to the second boss(s). I ask for a explanation of the boss in raid chat, I get a few disjointed "go left"' "they are usually on the north wall, go there" and "just follow the group" responses, nothing definite, so I figure its an easy boss, and we go with the pull. 10 second into the fight, I get yelled at in vent(in one of maybe a dozen or so shouted messages that got across) to "stand at the dragons TAIL ****" so I move there, boss then promptly turns and blasts me with fire, I die. A wipe ensues. I say again, "Vent isnt working guys I cant hear a thing" This time I dont get a single response in raid chat. Pretty much the same thing happens for the next 6 wipes, we go in, some mechanic/strategy was discussed in vent, I miss it, and it ends up in a wipe. After every wipe, I post almost exactly the same message "Vent isnt working guys, cant hear a thing, cant you give boss strat in raid chat?" And no one replies, finally after the 7th wipe, RL calls it and all but he and I leave, he asks me to stay.

He then starts telling me to "get better equipment" and "you are holding us back," in a cryptic sort of way that could mean several things: 1) improve my gear, 2) get a better computer, 3) get better internet, etc. And I get thoroughly confused, and begin thinking "WTF kind of guild DOES he think this is.....certainly NOT a guild trying to be #1 in the realm" Hell, we celebrated when we were in the top 50..... So I say something to the effect "its not my fault you Missed my messages for an explanation" He gave some lame excuse about his chat window moving too fast...almost as if he was monitoring more than 1 conversation at a time...IN a raid no less. So I decided to give him some sound, former raid leader(back when uld and ToC were new) advice: When leading a raid, block out EVERYTHING else in game except for the raid, and devote all your attention to managing the raid WHILE playing the game. And since he was not doing that, he failed to notice my repeated messages in raid chat that vent wasn't working and for raid explanations, and that him giving ME the third degree was uncalled for. He then said "I don't think I will be raiding with you again" and then proceeds to list my excuses, out of context, in guild chat. I try to explain things, he attacks me, I try to take things to whispers, he posts EXACTLY what I said in whisper in guild chat, and proceeds to taunt me about it. I try and pull a "w/e" statement and log out. Unfortunately, during the 20 secs for a logout, he posts something to the effect of "immature coward....idk how you all can put up with him...(missed the rest because of logout)."

When I joined this guild, it was for a place to level and alt while I raided on my main, it soon became the guild I went to for advice and help with things ranging from: family troubles, financial issues, relationship issues, and all around camaraderie. After the raiding guild my main was in fell apart because of drama(not unlike the above actually, only one person intentionally pitted players against each other) and the GM changing realms to get away from it, I joined my current guild with my nearly lvl 70 alt in it, and I have been there for nearly 18 months now. Shortly after my main joined, I got the guild raiding and progressing, and took them from a guild with under 5 OS 10 man kills and almost nothing else, to a guild with naxx 10 fully cleared, Ulduar progressed to Hodir and ToGC fully cleared in under 2 months, and when ICC came out, we jumped right in and got our first Deathbringer kill in mid January. However, in early March of 2010, I was forced to take a involuntary break from WoW, and was unable to get back in until October. In that time, my guild had progressed to downing every boss in Wrath, including LK, except for Yogg. And when I got back I was severely behind in gear, so I decided to wait until cata came out to rejoin the raiding scene with them. School however had other plans for me, and leveling to 85 took me some time, and gearing up took longer, and now that I am starting to rejoin the raiding scene with the guild, THIS happens...and I am a little afraid that the guild might not take this incident well, the officer is fairly prominent in the guild, and I haven't been as active in a LONG time...how do I handle this situation without making things worse? And how can I now run a raid team that has seen how things might go after a night of wiping? I really don't want to make things worse, but this officer has rubbed me the wrong way since he joined back in 09(November I think, just a few weeks after I did), and he doesn't pull punches when it comes to ... well, ANYTHING, regardless of the consequences.

Please help me,
Vent Troubles

Drama Mama Robin: Hey, Vent. Looks like you've got That Guy in your guild. And just like That Guy in your office and That Guy who married your family member or friend, you can't fix him and you can't make him treat you better. You don't have to put up with this behavior, however. And, more importantly, you can minimize the chances of becoming the brunt of another That Guy attack.

First, let's deal with That Guy's behavior: His reaction was immature and drama-causing. You need to discreetly discuss it with your guild leader. (You might also want to drop the fact that he's running a raid without properly monitoring raid chat.) If the GL is okay with That Guy, then I highly recommend finding a guild that doesn't allow that kind of verbal abuse. Otherwise, trust the GL to deal with it appropriately and otherwise keep your contact with That Guy to a minimum.

Now, let's talk about you. I understand that this particular run was spur of the moment and you weren't leading the raid. But it might have helped if you had refreshed your knowledge of the bosses a bit during prep/travel time. We have a lot of general discussions as well as specific class strategies here on WoW Insider.

Or maybe you did read up. If so, great! I guess that still wouldn't have helped you hear whatever the specific strategies were for the fight. So, let's get technical.

It is your responsibility to make sure any technical problems you are having aren't affecting the rest of your group. Once you realized Vent wasn't working for you, the thing to do was announce your problem (which you did) and then announce that you were going to try some troubleshooting. They could then have chosen to wait for you or not. A few minutes trying to restart Vent and/or your computer would probably have solved your problems and allowed you to participate properly. And if you weren't able to solve it, then you should have asked if they wanted to make the exception of typing the instructions in Vent or have you drop out.

Of course, That Guy's not properly monitoring raid chat would have hindered all of this communication, but one of the people on Vent could have explained your situation verbally. I doubt you were the only reason for all those wipes, mind you. But fixing your technical issues or having the rest of the raid buy in to working around them would have kept you from being That Guy's scapegoat.

Regardless, you didn't deserve the treatment you got. "I don't think I'll be raiding with you again," he said. Turn that threat from him into a promise for yourself.

Drama Mama Lisa: Vent Troubles, I'm sympathetic to your situation. We've all been the one who's struggling to fix a technical problem and keep up with a fast-paced raid at the same time -- but I have to come out and say the obvious: Get a clue.

A wipe ensues. I say again, "Vent isnt working guys I cant hear a thing" This time I dont get a single response in raid chat. Pretty much the same thing happens for the next 6 wipes, we go in, some mechanic/strategy was discussed in vent, I miss it, and it ends up in a wipe. After every wipe, I post almost exactly the same message "Vent isnt working guys, cant hear a thing, cant you give boss strat in raid chat?" And no one replies, finally after the 7th wipe, RL calls it ...

After 7 statements about not being in Vent, isn't it obvious that nobody particularly wants to handhold you by typing strats into raid chat? After 7 wipes, isn't it obvious that your inability to hear the strategies is a major problem?

Frankly, I don't blame the officer for blowing his stack and going off on you. It was a childish tantrum, true, and I don't condone his particular flavor of reaction ... But wow, you really set up this situation to fail. I don't think the guild officer is That Guy at all -- I think That Guy is you.

As you've noted, this unfortunate event occurred just as you came back and were trying to make a good impression with the guild. You're the newcomer here, and you barged in and made a mess of things by being so unprepared and not taking care of your business. If you want to continue trying to get this raid group off the ground, you're either going to have to man up and apologize to the officer/tank for your lack of attention to your problems and ask him if he'd be willing to give it a second chance, or you're going to have to find another MT. Either way, as Robin explained, you're also going to have to study up on the encounters, doublecheck your Vent stability, and ensure that you're 100% prepared for your next event.

Take care of your business, act like the returning newcomer you are, and remember that you're the one who needs to bend here as you seek to fit into the guild again. With a little care, you can get back into the swing of things without blowing up any more tempers or raids!

Dodge the drama and become that player everyone wants in their group with a little help and insight from the Drama Mamas. Remember, your mama wouldn't want to see your name on any drama. Play nice ... and when in doubt, ask the Drama Mamas at robin@wowinsider.com.

Filed under: Analysis / Opinion, Drama Mamas

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