All the World's a Stage: When roleplayers quit
So here you are, roleplaying your heart out and having a wonderful time doing so. The character you made has all kinds of relationships with other characters around him. He has two or three close friends and countless more close allies. Maybe he even has an established in-game relationship, a character that could be considered a significant other. Or maybe he's involved in a really engaging and fun storyline with a group of people, and the story that they're roleplaying out is coming to a head.
Then it happens.
Whether it's burnout, real-life problems, an inability to pay for game time, a desire to play elsewhere, or maybe just an out-of-character disagreement, one of those people that you roleplay with suddenly disappears. The friend behind the character may have given his reasons out-of-character, and they may be perfectly reasonable -- but suddenly, that storyline or relationship that you'd spent all this time on has a gigantic, in-character hole, and there's simply no explanation for it. These days, this is all too common; any time you have a new expansion launch, there are inevitably players who simply burn out. But how do you handle the abrupt, unexplained, in-character loss of a friend?

There are a few different problems with losing a friend. The biggest and most evident of these is the fact that in all the roleplay you've been doing, suddenly your character has lost a friend, loved one, or a major character in a plot he's working through. While rationally, you understand the OOC reasons for his disappearance, the IC reasons are something that haven't been discussed. So you're left with a messy cleanup to do, the dubious task of trying to figure out how your character is going to react to this disappearance.
Not only does your character have to deal with the disappearance, but the entire social circle of the missing character is also going to be left with nothing to work with. If the missing character was the linchpin in a particularly important plot that people were excited to be playing, that sudden disappearance is going to leave a lot of people very disappointed and maybe even angry that they don't get to finish playing through this great storyline they were so happy to be working with.
If the missing character played the part of significant other to your character, you're left with an even greater gap in your character's life. Suddenly that person he come home to at the end of the day, that person that he loved, is gone. No explanation, no in-character reason given.
What all of these have in common is that there is no "The End" to work with. Think of your character as a sort of ongoing story, and all the characters around you as ongoing stories as well. By having a character suddenly disappear, it's as if that character's "book" simply ended in the middle of a chapter with no explanation. There ought to be more to that book, but instead it simply ... stops. It's a jarring, off-putting situation to deal with.
It's tempting to look at these situations as an all-around bad situation, but there's a bright side to losing a character, too. Even though your character has lost a friend or loved one, that loss leaves him with dozens of options. Don't think of it as a loss; think of it as the sudden creation of thousands of potential possibilities for roleplay -- and those possibilities could be even more interesting than what your character was up to prior to his friend's disappearance.

When you're sitting there with a giant hole in your character's life, it can feel almost overwhelming. As with any situation in real life, when you're stuck in one place due to a loss or a sudden change, it's usually not the loss that's the major issue -- it's what to do after that loss. The sheer number of things you could potentially do freezes you in place while you're trying to decide which option to pick. Think of it in terms of really loving ice cream, then suddenly winning a contest in which you are presented with millions of ice cream options -- but you're only allowed to pick one. Which one do you pick? Which is best? What if the one you pick isn't the best possible one to pick?
There are hundreds of different explanations for lost characters. The first thing you should do is narrow down your choices. You can do that with one simple question: Do you want to leave the possibility of that character's return as a option, or are you pretty certain that character will never be making a comeback?

With this route, your character has a chance to grieve, mourn, and eventually move on -- and so do all the characters involved in the dead character's social circle. Future events and social situations may be colored by memories of the death and the circumstances surrounding it, so keep that in mind when you're making future contacts.

Another option is simply retirement -- the missing character has retired from active duty to some quiet place in the middle of nowhere. This leaves you the chance to actually "interact" to a degree with the missing character, treating him as an NPC of sorts. You can use him as an advice giver, unspoken ally, and source for favors -- and if in the event you find yourself taken away from the game for a week or two, you can simply say that your character was visiting the missing character.
There are of course countless other options, but what all of these options do is create an endpoint for that missing character's story, so you and your friends have a definitive event that occurred and you can move on from it. Instead of a gap, you've got the end to a chapter and the ability to move on into the next.
A word of warning: When creating an ending for a character whose player has already left the game, be nice. Make their departure a positive one, rather than a negative one. After all, if they do decide to return to the game, it's easier to work them back into the swing of roleplay if they don't have to suddenly acclimate themselves to former friends that all view them with irrevocable hatred for some reason they aren't quite aware of.

The other side of the equation here of course, is if you yourself are leaving the game, re-rolling on another server, or otherwise stepping away from roleplay with a particular character. What you have to remember is that that character has a definitive life not only for himself, but also in relation to other characters around him. That character's absence is going to leave a puzzle for other roleplayers to figure out -- or you can simply take care of the matter before you leave.
Any of the options listed above will work fine for a character who is leaving. If you take a few minutes to set up your character's departure, you save your friends a load of confusion and frustration. In addition, you can leave yourself an easy way back into the game if you decide to pick that character back up again in the future.
If you're dealing with your character having a significant other, that can get a little trickier -- it's not just a matter of creating an out that's easily explained. When you're working with departing from friends, that's generally easier to deal with -- after all, they can make new friends just as easily. But if it's a significant other your character is leaving behind, it's worth it to sit down with the player behind that character and figure out exactly how this is going to play out.
Why? Well, while players can be fine with just referring to a lost friend as "Tom, the retired soldier who lives in a remote part of Elwynn Forest," and simply using him as an NPC, doing the same for a significant other can be incredibly frustrating. People like roleplaying relationships -- it's just one of those things that pops up that's an immediate appeal for a majority of roleplayers out there. The thought of having a character "involved" with someone who isn't really there, someone that isn't really going to respond, isn't as appealing as actually getting to roleplay a relationship with a character who has a real player behind them.
Ideally, you want to sit down with the player behind your character's significant other and figure out what's going to happen. If you're the one leaving, do you expect them to remain forever devoted to a character who isn't really there? If they are leaving, are you comfortable with having your character devoted to the same? If the answer is no, then the two of you need to come up with a reasonable way for these two characters to split -- and that can be anything from death or kidnapping to a simple amicable parting of ways.

By creating a reasonable story for a missing character's exit, you're essentially putting a great big "The End" on that character's story. If handled correctly, you've also made contingencies for that character's eventual return, if it happens. Whether the player returns to the game, or whether they remain out there in real life handling those real-life things, at least your character's future can start from that endpoint and continue on from there -- and that's a gigantic relief.
Wikipedia: Them, Denmark, a town in Silkeborg municipality »
Filed under: All the World's a Stage (Roleplaying)






Reader Comments (Page 1 of 1)
shibumi Apr 3rd 2011 8:16PM
On the more grim side of this tale is one that happened with my brother. He was very much into his characters, in particular in SWG. He was an entertainer and they performed for events in game. He was very popular and it was literally a daily occupation for him.
then he suddenly died of a heart attack. bang, one night he is in game, the next morning he's dead.
I tracked down the group he was involved with (I left SWG a LONG time ago) and got in touch with one of the GMs. He invited me to their website with a temporary membership to pass on the information about my brother. It was heartwrenching, let me tell you. These people were his dearest friends and they grieved like my family. They were stunned, and had gone through many evolutions of what may have happened to a guy that was ingame literally for years, disappearing suddenly. They wondered all the guilt things - did we piss him off, was he bored, what happened. I was so sorry for them - they lost a member of their crew and had no idea what had happened. the responsed they wrote to me made me cry they were so emotional and powerful.
I also had to attend his funeral where the relatives (who were NOT gamers in any form of the concept) wondered who all these strangers were that sent mass quantities of wreathes and condolances. They just did not understand the concept that an ingame relationship is, very often, much more involved and meaningful than RL relationships - not a replacement, but the social interactions ingame are the same as RL, if only a bit less constrained.
it was an eye opener for me. I try very hard to keep my mates informed (when I travel and will be sporadic in appearance), and hopefully will not cause the grief and angst that these folks suffered.
Gendou Apr 3rd 2011 8:46PM
That's both tragic and heartwarming at the same time.
My condolences to you and your family for your loss.
Lumi Apr 3rd 2011 9:16PM
Excellent article! I don't RP a lot, but these articles make me wanna log my RP a char a alot more...
Heartless Apr 3rd 2011 10:18PM
I haven't RP'd in years. But when I was Rping more and more way back when, an ex and I had toons we rolled together that had established an in game relationship with one another.
Then we broke up... but we stayed friends, and our characters still maintained that same relationship... until she decided she was done with the game. So that's when I knew something needed to happen
Working with the guild I was in at the time, we eventually crafted background and story that in regards to RP... was pretty epic. My character spent months "Searching" for her lost love. What we crafted from that point on was pretty epic, and ended with a LITTLE bit of resolution, just enough that her disappearance no longer needed to be explained. The ex and I still occasionally talk, and every once in a while, we sit down and decide what it is our characters had done, without actually interactiong in game.
omedon666 Apr 3rd 2011 11:15PM
I've run into this (the loss of an RP partner) a few times, I have one very very close RP buddy, we've married together two sets of characters, our characters are inter-related, and are the bulk of an underground "void cult" of sorts. There have been a few times when RL has come close to closing the curtain, (changes of location, etc) and one thing has kept everything in perspective.
Most of our invovled characters are evil. Like soul-sellingly, "neutral evil to the core" evil.
That's the easiest "insta-out" ever. For all of the ties, for all of the history, when you can easily motivate your character to step over just about anyone's body at the command of a greater, darker cause, contingency plans write themselves. We don't like talking about it, because the prospect is somewhat depressing (since it represents us not playing together anymore, which is sad) but, for my part, I've made it very clear that the long retro-legacy of my characters can't be derailed by any decision but my own, which is why I have one ultimate, unattached, easily motivateable "boss bad guy" PC that could easily give the kiss of death to just about anyone in our secret "mafia".
It's one option. It's not for everyone, but it's there in my back pocket as an "in case of emergency break glass" sort of option. I've used it once, when an "interest" of my deathknight quit WoW for reasons unrelated to anything I was privy to, suddenly she became, according to said "boss", (The palpatine to the vader of my DK) a weakness to the deathknight, and then she was written out, my deathknight refocused, ordered to keep his guard up. And for awhile, he did not.
Of course, he did eventually, made new friends, but the same contingency exists there as well, so really the lesson is still learned, but since my deathknight is pretty much the right hand of my warlock (the big boss guy), the "shut off your heart again" switch is always in the boss' hands, in case of RL's intrusion to story continuity.
Good guys are harder to do this with, I must admit. It works for the intelligently played evil (as opposed to the obstructive "handlebar mustache evil" we see sometimes) among us. :)
omedon666 Apr 3rd 2011 11:20PM
err that should be "ordered not to let his guard down".... that makes the next statement make more sense hehe.
razion Apr 4th 2011 4:41AM
There are some characters that not only disappear, but tend to do it OFTEN. Like, a lot. Like a lot a lot. My best friend, who I would consider perhaps the best actor in the world is known to take a regular leave from the game. She has a weird job schedule, that goes somewhere along the lines of working maybe three days or so (sometimes four) in the morning, and then the next three (to four) days she works at night-shift before it polarizes and for the NEXT week's first half (four to three days) is spent on the opposite shift (first big chunk in night shift, lesser half day shift, and it shifts again). No week is ever really feels the same, and our circle has more or less adapted to her work schedule so that we can play with her when we can (everyone else is on so regularly so this isn't an issue at all). I recently mentioned in an old KYL that I was doing a sort of "evil organization" RP...
That said, there is a certain dilemma that arises when you have someone who is away regularly, that that is that after a while, you can only give so many explanations as to why a character is gone missing until it gets ridiculous. "Oh, uh, Orco the Carpenter? He went uh, flyfishing... Yeah... No I know he went just two months ago, it's a thing. He's in uh, Dustwallow? Right guys? Yeah. Fly ... fishing. Yes I know we're hunting an Ancient Artifact for our evil organization, and yes it's very important but. Uh, when a guy needs to fly fish, he needs to fly fish. End of story. We could use the fish for something... later... Actually yeah, the fish are sharks. With lasers on their heads. We'll get back to you on that." Eventually I had a sit-down with my friend and explained to her that she may want to consider getting a role that is less... involved/regular. A character that can have brief intervals and disappear more regularly as to avoid a lot of confusion and plot hole moments. We fumbled around with ideas for a day or two 'off-set', and eventually she settled on the role of, well, essentially Giovanni. She became the head-honcho, the big cheese. The Big Guy (or Girl, in her case). Being a major employer or controller for a large group gives plenty reason to be away constantly--after all, the boss is a very busy man (girl...) and has a lot of minions to deal with. She's also entitled to vacation leave when there are "important things" going down to explain why she can't be here for this huge thing.
What this change allows us to do is that we can use the regular excuse when she doesn't need as big a reason to be around, and we can save a more elaborate excuse (like laser-headed shark fly-fishing) for those days when our Absentee can't make it to a super big event (because when the boss wants to fly fish for laser-sharks, you don't ask questions).
Now, normally these can be planned around--while I myself am more of a purist and sort of like stories to just "progress as they do, let's go where this takes us and not where the calendar says", I've come to realize that I can extract a lot more enjoyment for the rest of the group if there is that additional level of planning and organization. If I can coordinate with Mrs. Evil OOC for a bit so we can coordinate her involvement in good regularity, it nearly entirely blows away the issue of her not being able to make it for those pop-up important things--however it sort of goes into what I was talking about last week into being the "too predictable villain". We try to keep that organization level to a VERY small minimal--she's there for the SUPER BIG REVEAL but not for every secondary big reveal. Things are going very well, and so I will summarize for clarity:
*Get your absentee into a regular acceptable absent role (or maybe not so acceptable, there's an idea for story... and drama...)
*Finally, if you're in ultimate control with that other person, coordinate.
* ... But not too much.
razion Apr 4th 2011 4:43AM
It is? I hadn't noticed, I was too busy role-playing. :)
Marcosius Apr 4th 2011 11:20AM
This is why I ALWAYS inform people who might miss me OOC or IC wise when I'll be taking a hiatus from the game. It's only considerate to do IMO.
Ylspeth Apr 4th 2011 12:09PM
When a friend leaves the game, I try to fit in the real life reason into the explanation. For example if a friend leaves for school or work it goes something like this,
Dathos: "I have not seen Twinkle lately."
Ylspeth: "Oh, she decided to focus on her tinkering for awhile."
Sure, it's meta but when you think of all the reasons why friends come and go in real life, it's not hard to rationalize a believable absence.
As an aside, the first post touched my heart. I am sorry for your loss. Take solace in how many lives your brother touched through WoW.
StClair Apr 4th 2011 2:00PM
The nice thing about "proof of demise" is that, if you leave it vague enough, you can always be pleasantly surprised if the character eventually turns up with an unbelievable tale of their escape from Certain Doom.
On the flip side, you can always go for denial:
"He's not dead."
"But we found..."
"He's. Not. Dead."
Loki Apr 4th 2011 2:15PM
This article is useful but doesn't cover something I've come across more than once in RP which is the 'Quiter'. Someone who is involved in a storyline with you, maybe even having a pivitol role, then they decide they simply don't want to do that story anymore so drop out. It would be fine to say that they were dead or missing but what do you do when that person is still playing that character and playing them as if the storyline you were working on never happened?
What do you do then?
If this person is IC saying it never happened it's difficult or impossible for you to still claim that it did IC. That kind of leaves you dead in the water, with possible months of RP storylines leading up to and including whatever you were doing null and void, suddenly they never happened because someone else says they didn't.
This has been my biggest problem with WoW RPing. So often the RP's die simply because one or more people get bored or whatever and it leaves you hanging.
Kaldricus Apr 4th 2011 2:48PM
I've never done any RP in WoW before, but these articles have piqued my interest. Now to find a god RP server...
Hogleg Apr 5th 2011 2:47PM
I havent been lucky enough to find an RP server where they actually RP. It's a little depressing to log on and see some dude named "Misterudders" when you are a little new and un-decided about the WOW RP community.