Drama Mamas: Raiding deaf
by Robin Torres 
Apr 8th 2011 at 9:00AM
Imagine there are no funsuckers. It's easy, if you ... turn off trade chat and don't guild with the ex-guildies of this week's letter writer.
I started playing WoW right after BC came out. For the most part I was a solo player, so my own problems never really reared their head. It wasn't until my first guild that I ran into problems. You see, I'm deaf. I wasn't born this way, but I lost my hearing in high school as part of a degenerative disease I have. It wasn't until a few years ago that I managed to get cochlear implants to restore my hearing, but they're not what I would call perfect. My implants do work, allowing me to hear for the most part, but that's not without problems. Some tones or particular nuances of sound are still lost; and it's physically impossible for me to use headphones, since I don't hear with my ears anymore, but this odd little disc stuck to my head near the back of my ear. Due to how it works, the headphones simply no longer work; or if they do, it produces a massive feedback loop in my head which hurts to no end.
While I was in my first guild, I managed to level up to seventy pretty quickly, and found myself being wrapped up in the raiding schedule. It started as just working as a fill in Tank for when the others couldn't go, before I was quickly finding myself being wrapped up as the guild's main tank. Unfortunately they required vent, and upon finding that I was unable to use it, promptly Gkicked me. I rather suspect, they thought I was lying, but I guess that's really beside the point. As one of them said "You can't preform at optimum level if you can't hear." No matter that I had carried them through most of the end game raids at that level and had started Kara with them.
So, out on my arse, I found myself getting a ton of harassing hateful whispers from former guild mates, people I thought were my friends no less. In the end I actually had to contact a GM to get it to stop, but the general hostility I felt and the random comments in trade about how not to go on a pug with me because I was "defective" (as one player called me) prompted me to simply quit playing. Eventually I would come back, and quickly changed servers, faction, name, and sex, and started over.
That brings us up to now. Recently, I joined another guild and find that they are wanting me to start taking more of the tanking duties to take up the slack for losing their regular tank due to war. (The guy got sent to Afghanistan.) All their raids require Vent, and I find that I'm worried I will have a repeat of the former problems. While I know I could simply tell them I'm deaf and leave well enough at it, the fact remains that the guild is a raiding guild (it wasn't when I joined) and that there is a strong chance that I will be kicked for my disability. As it stands, there is no current rule in WoW that prevents such behavior, though there are some of us who feel it is in bad taste at the very least. With no "Equal Opportunity Act" to protect the disabled such as myself, and the ever looming day of having to explain to them my history and what my disability is, I find that I'm starting to enjoy the game less and less; thanks in no small part to the drama.
Please, help me here. HOW do I tell them without making it into a huge drama fest like the last time?
Tone Deaf
Drama Mama Robin: Before answering you, Tone Deaf, I had to get over my rage at how you were treated by your ex-guildies. Well, I'm not really over it -- I'm just not succumbing to it. Much. Grawr! Okay, I feel better now. Here's what I think you should do:- Talk to the guild leader and the raid leader (if they are different) as soon as possible and together, if you can. How they respond will affect everything that follows.
- An email would be best, whether in-game, via forum messaging (if they check theirs), or if you know their out of game email addresses. This will allow them to (hopefully) get over any negative knee-jerk reactions before they respond.
- Keep it simple, but warn them of past bad reactions.
- Request a time when you three can discuss the situation further.
- Ask for their discretion, if they want you to leave because of your disability.
When I told my last guild what I'm about to tell you, I was subjected to such verbal abuse that I quit the game for a while. Unfortunately, I am deaf and am unable to use Vent. If that is a problem, please keep this to yourselves, and I will quit the guild quietly. If you are willing to work with me on this, let's set up an in-game chatroom and talk.The first sentence sets them up for something much worse than they are probably expecting. It also illustrates why you didn't mention it before and how evil people can be. I really think it will warn them not to be Those Guys. You want to keep your request reasonable and unapologetic. People tend to live up (or down) to your expectations, so giving them the facts simply and without drama will hopefully result in them treating you in kind.
If they want to work with you, they will inform the rest of the guild the steps you all agree on, and the rest of the guild should follow suit. Yes, there's a risk, and I understand your reticence. I do think (and hope), however, that these guys aren't Those Guys. /hug
Drama Mama Lisa: Tone Deaf, have you tried running the sound through your speakers? If the stumbling block is actually the headphones themselves and you can still hear moderately well through regular speakers, you owe it to yourself to test out the possibilities as soon as possible.Anyone else have good adaptive solution to this challenge? Please leave us a comment below!
If voice comms are out altogether, however, yet you're still managing to build a reputation as a reliable tank, your guild may be open to taking a look at macros. We're not talking about painstakingly pre-coding the evening's encounters into a virtual encyclopedia of button presses; a little bit of the right kind of raid spam can be helpful for everybody. Our Ready Check raiding column tackled raid calling with macros a few weeks ago. What's good for the goose is good for the gander -- adding an additional layer of feedback will reinforce tactics for everyone.
Without a doubt, missing out on voice chat means missing out on at least some of the camaraderie of the run. However, I don't think you'll be shut out cold. Having raided for a healthy stretch of time with a guy who had temporary voice comm issues, I can attest that once guildchat text gets rolling, even if voice comms are also up to handle business, it's pretty much impossible to stanch the flow.
Still, if neither speakers nor macros work out for you and your guild, Tone, I hope you won't judge your guildmates too harshly. Going back to text-based communication can seem insurmountable to some people, much like playing the game without beloved addons. And even if they agree and all goes well, there's going to be a period of adjustment for everyone (with associated moments of systems failure and irritation).
Either way, do yourself a favor and end the dread of waiting for them to uncover your "big secret." Give your guild leaders a chance to weigh in, as Robin suggests. I agree that setting the tone with a matter-of-fact email will likely melt any resistance and stop drama in its tracks. It sounds as if you're approaching the situation with a healthy dose of self-awareness and openness to the other side of the coin -- my hat's off to you for that. Best of luck finding a solution that works for everyone.
Dodge the drama and become that player everyone wants in their group with a little help and insight from the Drama Mamas. Remember, your mama wouldn't want to see your name on any drama. Play nice ... and when in doubt, ask the Drama Mamas at robin@wowinsider.com.
Filed under: Analysis / Opinion, Drama Mamas
Reader Comments (Page 1 of 8)
Forsaken Goddess Apr 8th 2011 9:11AM
@the poster of this.... I wish you the best and hope you find understanding people to raid and play with. One of the best raiders I ran with, I found out much later, was deaf. They were more compitent than many of the people we were able to direct with vent. It gave me a new respect for a good player regardless of disabilities and in the case of our raid vent wasn't an issue. I also learned most of the time it's there to scold people rather than really enable too much. Paying attention to the game cues and addons will get you much farther than listeing to the raid leader to get out of fire.
Shryndael Apr 9th 2011 4:24PM
This advice stinks. I'm sorry.
You're talking to Tone Deaf like he has a crippling disability. He can't hear like we do - so what? Big deal. I play this game with sound off all the time, with vent off all the time, and I raid that way sometimes too and do fine.
The issue here isn't that Tone Deaf has implants - the issue here is that Tone Deaf used to be in a guild of jerks, and now he's worried that people are going to find out he's deaf and make a big deal about it and be jerks about it too.
Tell your guild you're deaf, Tone Deaf. And if they have a problem with it, they should be ashamed - not you. Talk to your raid leader and guild leader before everyone else though - that I do agree with - and let them see you're competent without hearing.
The only time I can see the lack of voice chat ability being an issue is if you mislead your guild into thinking you could use voice chat in order to get into the guild. And if that's not the case, then you're fine.
As for the rest of the "advice:" Nowhere in his letter did Tone Deaf suggest he was incompetent, yet you're offering him advice as if he's not got a clue about tanking.
As someone with a "disability" myself (though not deafness), I can tell you that it's more a challenge than a disability and I know a thousand ways around it that you "normals" wouldn't even think about. I don't think I need someone to suggest to me that macros would make tanking easier just because I'm missing a few fingers. Really. You think?
Sorry that this sounds so irritated, but it is because I'm irritated.
Bethany Apr 8th 2011 9:16AM
Reading this filled me with anger and disgust. Its one thing to make the statement that the person's handicap doesn't line up with their plans as a guild and move on. Its another entirely to harass and insult and attempt to blacklist that person for no other reason but that handicap. Its one of the cruelest things I've heard of in this game and serves as yet another example of the abuse that comes with anonymity in games like this.
'u will never know who i am so i can say wutever i want'
And it doesn't help that Blizzard offers little more than slaps of the wrist to players like this until they've be reported tons of time. IMO, it would only take one pristine example of someone being a prick to make me, as a game GM, think 'ok our community doesn't need people like this.'
Tonedeaf, I am genuinely sorry for your troubles in the game. Know that there are good people here, people who care and would never do the sorts of things that you've described. I hope, sincerely, that you find a guild with those sorts of people.
Noyou Apr 8th 2011 10:03AM
Agreed. There was a very similar Drama Mama's column a few months back. #1 this is totally abhorrent behavior. Even if it was one of the top progression guilds on your server a team works around challenges. #2 Harassment is wrong and illegal. #3 Voice communication is nice but is not the be all end all in raiding.
What I would advise is your tell your current/future guilds of your hearing challenges. Be honest and upfront. I don't see a need to tell them of how shitty people treated you in the past. Tell them how you expect to be treated going forward. It sounds like you are a good player. You have the right to be treated with respect. I'm sure there are plenty of guilds that would have you, mine included. Good luck to you!
ambermist Apr 8th 2011 10:41AM
I know it's petty and classless, but I wish just this once I knew who these jerks were, if only so I could blacklist them myself.
Torr Apr 8th 2011 11:45AM
Something similar to Tone Deaf's story happen on my realm about a year and a half ago. A friend of mine was in a accident on a plane her husband was flying, the window blew out at about 11,000 feet, and both of her eardrums were badly damaged from the decompression, she couldn't hear anything at all for nearly 2 months. She wanted to continue raiding with her guild, one that was in the top 5 alliance guilds on my realm, as their disc priest MT healer, however when they found out she couldn't hear anything form vent, they started blaming wipes on her, wipes on bosses she had done Perfectly before and Knew what to do, however everything that went wrong was blamed on her. After about 2 weeks of this she left the guild, her husband(who also played, just not as much) said that she was crying her eyes out for hours after she left the guild, and that the majority of the abuse she had been getting was from some of her closest friends in the guild. Feeling betrayed, but still determined to raid, she tried to join another raiding guild, and I convinced my raid leader to let her join, and explained to him what had happened, and she excelled for a while, however after that guild fell apart(from drama.....RL one raider's ego go unchecked) she tried to join another raiding guild, but found herself blacklisted for, surprisingly, "refusing to use vent." She and her husband eventually decided to switch servers, I made a toon on that realm with them to keep in contact, and fortunately they are much happier now.
Shortly after this, another friend of mine was blacklisted for being a bad tank(which I knew was a lie, he was an amazing tank) so I started a campaign to get the major players in charge of the blacklist to knock it off or leave the realm. Eventually a we formed a group with me, the other campaign leaders and the top 5 ppl in charge of the blacklist, and laid down our arguments in front of three "arbiters": 1) a hardcore raider who had been playing since vanilla, 2) a hardcore pvper who had the highest title pvp could give(before they were returned) along with being on the best 5v5 team on the realm and 3) a brand new player who had only been playing for about a week. It was basically a trial, both parties put the arguments forward, and in the end the decision was 3/0 in favor of the blacklist ppl themselves being blacklisted on ALL their toons for multiple various things(bad grouping/raiding attitude was the one they ALL got). Everyone who hated those people felt it was poetic justice, ALL of them got kicked from their raiding guilds and couldn't join another, and eventually faction/realm transferred. The behavior of those people who control/make the "blacklists" is unacceptable in a social gaming environment, especially when a person can be blacklisted with little to no evidence to support such a blacklisting.
trisco2001 Apr 8th 2011 3:47PM
@Torr: This server sounds way more badass than mine. There are at least half a dozen greifers on Executus I'd love to attend dickery trials for...
Eirik Apr 8th 2011 4:15PM
@Torr: Your post deserves a column in itself.
Torr Apr 8th 2011 5:44PM
@trisco
Unfortunately it didn't last, there is a NEW group running the blacklist now, and they keep using lvl 1 alts to post the updates to the list, so calling them out frequently dead ends when the delete the toon.
@Eirik
Lol, maybe, maybe not, the arbitration system my server has only works about half the time, finding the newer player is hardest because we want a BRAND new player's take on the situation, and most low lvl players running around are alts, so if one cant be found, then the process cannot continue. And even then, making the system took a while, I remember from about 4 years ago when ppl would say "arbiters? who are they?" But when BC was launched they got alot more power by having the major guilds on the server ALL input a member to the "primary" council, one that was supposed to be a larger body to control the arbitration process, however after it got to 21 members, things started getting a little wild, so for the Raider and PvPer positions, players were placed on rotation, to be called up when a matter that required arbitration was called for. Finding the New player position is usually done by having the raider ask in a starting zone for a new player, then grilling that player in a certain way on common sense game info(example: do enchants on items stack?) and after they have done that, the PvPer asks a few questions, if both Raider and PvPer agree that the player is new, then the player then becomes the Newer player arbiter. Its not perfect, however at times it can be a REALLY nice way to deal with issues plaguing the server.
A recent matter that required arbitration was where one guild was inviting massive amounts of players to assist in their Guild leveling and just using them as XP farmers, keeping them at the lowest rank with no GB privileges, no talking in gchat, and even requiring them to run a MINIMUM number of quests per day(25, the same to match dailies) and then when the guild hit lvl 25, the GM kicked OVER 200 people. The arbiters decided, after nearly 3 days of argument, to have the guild pay back EVERY contribution those kicked members have given to the guild, a total of like 1.5mil gold, out of millions that had been made and spent by the officers.
And Ive written another long winded post...yay. Sorry.
cody.w.matal Apr 8th 2011 5:59PM
What the ever loving hell are you people going on about?
Is there a MASSIVE part of WoW I'm missing? I'm 10/10 on the confused scale.
Torr Apr 8th 2011 9:31PM
@cody
lol, sorry for the confusion
My realm is just a little more organized than some. Ive played on some realms that have zero organization and others that had one Super guild in control of everything with a dictator for a GM, every realm is different, hell, even the factions on a realm can be wildly different from each other.
Sleutel Apr 8th 2011 9:17AM
It's too bad DXE (the bossmod Deus Vox Encounters) isn't being updated anymore. I recommended it to someone I know on a forum who raids and is deaf, and it worked great for her, because of how much she could customize it--e.g., with all differently colored screen flashes, shakes for extra emphasis, etc.
Unfortunately, tanking, especially in current content, is one of those jobs where split-second communication is really key. A player who's not on voice chat can write macros to communicate important things (like "taunt now!"), but then the other tanks have to write macros to communicate with them.
A player who can't hear can compensate for it by being extra-prepared for the fight and paying more attention to visual cues. However, everyone else in the raid also has to be prepared to accommodate someone who isn't going to be hearing what everyone else is hearing in the voice chat--and there's a reason almost any raiding guild or even PUG requires it. Typing everything out is just a lot less efficient.
If Tone Deaf's current guild can work around her/his inability to be on Vent (and please do try speakers!), that's great. If TD would be interested in switching to a DPS role instead of tanking, that could also be a viable option for raiding without voice chat (there's usually nothing being said on Vent that a truly aware DPS can't figure out on their own from watching their own timers). However, if this guild doesn't work out and TD wants to raid going forward (and it sounds like that might not even be a major goal?), specifically advertising for a guild that's openly accepting of people with disabilities, or even TD's specific disability, might be the best option.
Sleutel Apr 8th 2011 9:19AM
Oh, and for the record: TD, the way your first guild treated you was complete bullshit. "Vent or GTFO" is one thing (although especially ridiculous if you'd proven you could run the content at their level), but abusing and harassing you afterwards is just beyond the pale.
Ice Apr 8th 2011 9:43AM
DXE got "replacement" so to speak. Its called Raidwatch 2:
http://www.wowinterface.com/downloads/info15878-RaidWatch2.html
It has all arrows and cool features DXE had. Its pretty awesome! (yes, it has cata raids despite they are not on the list)
About the vent thing. We raid 10mans and "use" vent. But the truth is 3+1 people actually talk on vent, 1 talks their life stories after each wipe. Actually it feels like noone is talking anything other than "Hello my name is DPS, I am your co-boss mod for this evening. Please listen when I say "fire" and you move".
I dont see how using vent is the most important thing in the world really, its just another boss mod for most guilds. If you can perform role and watch timers it should be perfectly fine IMO unless theres "Silly deaths and you need to take over" type of things that usually happen in heroic content anyway.
We've had ton of people in the past that didnt seem to listen to vent, they never spoke on vent and on raid/gchat for that matter.. they might've been bad but its possible to play so.
They were not bad due lack of vent however, they were simply tunneling and not looking at timers etc. They just logged to vent because "had to".
So if people can pay attention to boss timers and read before-hand I dont see problem really personally and they need to perform well too and adapt and take action(see silly deaths above).
Magus Apr 8th 2011 1:22PM
In addition to DXE, I recommend Prat, whose PopupMessage module gives you a "raid-warning" popup whenever your name is mentioned in chat and whispers.
You can set a nickname to alert on as well. I use "tank" as my nickname, but it might be possible to set multiples.
maclean37 Apr 8th 2011 9:21AM
Tone Deaf, I hope you find more understanding with this guild than you did in your first, that was just unforgiveable behavior on the part of your first guild! I have heard several instances of players with hearing loss finding ways to become valued members of their guilds' raid teams, and I have no doubt you, too, can find a way. I know WoW-Insider has at least a couple of articles about those players, perhaps you can search them out. I was curious, too, about using your computer speakers and a microphone and if you can hear well that way. That is the method I use, as I have a young child and I want to be able to hear her if she cries out after going to bed.
Best of luck to you in your raid endeavors!
Ben Smith Apr 8th 2011 11:42AM
The way his last guild treated him was just disgusting. People are so mean... While I haven't had the experience in WoW, back when I played FFXI, we had a deaf tank in our main endgame group, and he performed just fine. I hope the new guild is understanding, and that this all works out!
Chris Apr 8th 2011 9:26AM
Sorry, I'm getting less and less interested Lisa's advice. It seems all she ever does is expect the people that write in to do all the giving to a guild and whatever a guild does is fine including harassing the hell out of a perfectly capable player for being different - which happens A LOT. Her general philosophy is basically that you should be giving everything to your guild at all times. Like a deaf person who's already gone through the trouble of getting IMPLANTS and already figured out how to be successful hasn't throught of using speakers.
This philosophy is just wrong. Pick up any book on negotiations or study successful deals that get made. They all have a common thread, it has to be win-win. All parties have to percieve themselves as getting something of value from a relationship without giving more than that value is worth. What this means is, that guild's have just as much responsibility to give to their members as member have to their guilds.
kingoomieiii Apr 8th 2011 9:51AM
Indeed, cochlear implants are very imperfect for hearing voices, particularly mechanically-reproduced compressed audio of voices. Imagine running vent quietly through your speakers while playing music at a slightly higher volume, and turning the treble response of the speakers all the way down.
/not deaf
Wynne Apr 8th 2011 10:19AM
@Chris
While I agree that it wasn't the best response, I couldn't help thinking what Lisa said about speakers or other alternatives. Tone only mentioned headphones being a problem, so it's natural to wonder if there could be another way. Having implants suggests that Tone is able to hear to a degree. Might as well attempt to make use of that.