Two Bosses Enter: Vanessa VanCleef vs. Cardboard Assassin

The shadows part, and this week's contestants are revealed! Vanessa VanCleef, kingpin of the reborn Defias Brotherhood, will go head-to-head with the Cardboard Assassin, the finest tank Azeroth has ever seen.
| Cardboard Assassin | |
|---|---|
| Vanessa VanCleef |
In last week's matchup, Baron Ashbury and the Construct of Life Ammunae fought each other to a near stalemate, thanks to their equally impressive healing capabilities. However, a winner did pull through ... eventually.
Follow along for the details of this week's matchup, as well as discussion on last week's match.
The rules of the ring
- The WoW Insider Ring is considered neutral territory, where both combatants are able to access their usual encounter mechanics and abilities. If you can't visualize it inside the squared circle, visualize it someplace else -- but you must take into consideration all of each bosses' abilities and mechanics.
- Assume that each opponent is intelligent and capable of strategic thinking.
- All of the competitors' abilities, including crowd control and other effects to which bosses are usually immune, work on their opponents (with apologies to considerations of lore on this point).
- Assume that the opponents share similar levels, health pools, and comparative overall damage output.
- Don't get caught up in gameplay mechanics and what actual players might do in each encounter.
- Don't neglect style, story, and scale. Everything is a factor; seeking balance is your goal as a spectator and judge.

My fate is my own!
Vanessa VanCleef accomplished what her father couldn't: She makes you feel genuinely bad for her and sympathetic to the Defias Brotherhood. She isn't just a pity party, of course. Vanessa watched us murder and decapitate her father with her own eyes and used it as inspiration for vengeance. She has become one of the most dangerous assassins in the world and a major pain in Stormwind's side.
Vanessa VanCleef's toolkit includes:
- Backslash
- Deadly Blades
- Vengeance of VanCleef
- An assortment of poisons of the mind rendered useless by the Cardboard Assassin's cardboardiness.

...
The Cardboard Assassin took Cataclysm by storm, trivializing countless raid bosses with his mere presence. The developers themselves had to step in and put a stop to the cardboard terror.
The Cardbord Assassin's powers include:
- Immunity to mind-altering substances
- Being awesome

It turns out a death match between two entities with extremely powerful healing capabilities isn't "epic" so much as it is "hella freaking boring." Baron Ashbury's biggest supporter was reader Tyllis, who gave the fight to Ashbury on the grounds of the Baron's being intelligent enough to avoid Ammunae altogther:
As the elevator finishes its climb to the highest and final hall, the Baron takes a brief scornful look south at Ammunae and her pesky entourage of plants and nature spirits. He immediately realizes that she holds nothing of value to him and is not worth the time of a second glance. He instead turns north in search of his valorous prize.Perhaps this week's assassin showdown will prove to be more exciting than healer combat?
He and Rajh engage and the situation initially looks very balanced, but soon enough Baron Ashbury's relentless healing completely exhaust's Rajh's energy, forcing him to recharge with the Blessing of the Sun. Feeling the surge of power tear at his undead flesh, the Baron assumes the form of the Dark Angel and unleashes terrible devastation. Rajh is unable to withstand the enslaught and falls, yielding his Valor. Baron Ashbury claims his prize and leaves without a second thought of Ammunae or her two peers and vowing to never return to this awful desert land.
| Ammunae | |
|---|---|
| Baron Ashbury |
The battle begins!
Remember, Two Bosses Enter matchups are all about substance and style, not gameplay, mechanics, and numbers. Don't base your strategies on player tactics, which opponent has been easiest or most difficult for you personally, or the difficulty of each opponent relative to instance progression. Vote for the spirit of the battle as set forth above. Set aside differences in opponents' health pools, game level, and actual damage output. Absolutely no game mechanics nitpicking!
Filed under: Two Bosses Enter






Reader Comments (Page 1 of 5)
Daeolt May 9th 2011 6:08PM
Oh man...
Cardboard Assassin all the way. Being awesome is just impossible to kill.
Nospoon May 9th 2011 6:43PM
The sad thing is that poison can and will destroy cardboard. Vanessa can strike it once or twice, go out for lunch, get a manicure, chat it up with the Gnolls, get ready for bed, etc. Sure it would be a long fight, but ultimately, the cardboard assassin can't move. Also, it is hard to believe that the CA would be able to think strategically. Even if the vote moves to CA, Van Cleef deserves the win.
Twill May 9th 2011 6:58PM
I AGREE THAT CARDBOARD IS AWESOME -- But do we really want to stop Vanessa from becoming the all time winner?! NO.
Minos May 10th 2011 3:10AM
The Cardboard Assassin's got nothing on Warrior-Matic NX-01 ( http://www.wowhead.com/npc=38518 ), stalwart defender of Town-in-a-Box.
Angus May 10th 2011 7:05AM
This was actually an insult to the tournament.
Van Cleef was a real contender for the title. The assassin is a joke.
HE CAN'T EVEN TAUNT HER NOW!!!!
I am done writing stories for this.
Straz May 10th 2011 8:49AM
Damn I called VC to win it all and now this stupid gimmick is gonna ruin it for one of the most interesting characters to ever come out of this game.
Leethax May 10th 2011 6:04PM
It's too bad Vanessa got paired up with the cardboard dude right away because I figured she'd make it pretty far.
But of course, everyone's going to vote for cardboard assassin...
Elmouth May 11th 2011 9:52AM
I for one welcome our new cardboard overlord
David May 9th 2011 6:08PM
Vanessa is a no contest..
Rhornez May 9th 2011 6:12PM
I prefer a real living thing fighting me to a pulp than something that is fake, that is the thing fighting me is a sexy woman with demTHIGHS.exe
Hasteur May 9th 2011 6:14PM
You are mocking us. Challanging us to vote a Non-Boss over a boss.
It's working
Anathemys May 9th 2011 6:14PM
I'm callin it now, folks. Cardboard Assassin will not only triumph in this paltry battle, but I predict him advancing all the way to the finals, and then delivering a hands-down curb-stomp beat-down to whatever poor sap has to face him next.
In layman's terms: Cardboard Assassin will win this, and every single battle after. Just wait and see :)
Necromann May 9th 2011 6:18PM
I think his "charm" will wear off after this round.
Sar May 10th 2011 1:29AM
I've never paid any attention to these articles before but now I'm going to make it my business to see that the Cardboard Assassin reigns supreme.
My vote goes to the badass cut-out.
Herman May 10th 2011 1:37AM
you obviously weren't around for the L blocks triumph
absintheaffliction May 10th 2011 10:04AM
"My vote goes to the badass cut-out."
Vanessa's pants?
Phantom May 9th 2011 6:14PM
Pretty sure the Cardboard Assassin will see that it randomed into Deadmines and quit, giving the win to Vanessa by forfeit.
Rai May 9th 2011 6:59PM
Probably for the best, I doubt it could have survived the furnace part of the gauntlet, let alone the rest of it.
Lissanna May 9th 2011 10:32PM
I voted vanessa since it would get dropped in a fire pit, and fire pit vs. cardboard = fire pit wins.
Jaq May 9th 2011 6:14PM
Cardboard Assassin's gonna roll to the finals. Who can withstand awesomeness?