Blood Pact: How to be a true warlock

I've been out in something of an adventure this past week. You know, the tired, old digging-through-musty-caves-and-dark-forests-type deal. So it might have actually been closer to walking down concrete sidewalks in a bright city, possibly some singing munchkins were involved as well, but I swear that I wasn't wearing ruby slippers. I stumbled on some killer bookstores which had loads of occult books -- none of which I bought, sadly -- and it got me thinking that warlocks should have a book. Well, perhaps not a book because I think that our editors would flay me alive should I write that much, so we'll just settle for a solid leaflet.
Let's be real here, not all warlocks are true warlocks. Sure they may walk like a warlock, talk like a warlock, and summon up demons and hellfire like a warlock, but they're just imposters. Some of them are even wicked mage spies undoubtedly sent by the no good Pants. In an effort to educate the faithless and to root out the fakes, I've created a guide of sorts to warlockery. Let's share and do some of that learning thing.
And bears, we also teach how to avoid bears. Bears are mean, they'll eat your face. I like my face.
There's no in team, but there is a me
The first key ideal to remember about being a warlock is that you are vastly more important than anything else. Your pet does not matter, it's just there to do your dirty work like laundry and possibly getting smacked in the face a couple of times. If the choice comes down to it where you have to sacrifice your minion or throw it under the proverbial bus, do so without hesitation. There are countless demons just begging to be enslaved, but there's only one of you to do that enslaving. It's just a matter of priorities, and in this case the priority is that you live and everything else dies. Remember, you're the one with the pretty face, and pretty people deserve to live. It's one of the basic laws of nature.
This totally counts for groups, too. If something is running at your face and you can cause it lose interest, then I'd highly suggest that you do so. They haven't yet given us Misdirect, but I'm sure it's only a matter of time. Soulshatter, our current tool, does work rather nice for shifting threat over to pesky mages, but I feel that it takes far more work to pull off properly than it is worth sometimes. While it's always worth the risk to kill a mage, you may want to hold off in this instance; primarily because majestic healers tend to get annoyed and you could end up putting a fellow shadow user in danger which just isn't cool. Once we do get Misdirect, though, send mobs flying to mages on every pull; you simply aren't a warlock if you don't.
Make love, not war -- sometimes
You may be told by outside forces that warlocks don't have any friends; sometimes it might even be another warlock that says this to you. They are frauds! Warlocks absolutely have friends. We aren't monstrous beasts bent on world destruction after all -- world domination is a totally different plan. Those that like to take hits in the face are absolutely our friends. If you are personally willing to take physical pain for my cause, then I can respect that and I'll keep you around for so long as you're useful. Warlocks are also quite endeared to those that love patching our wounds. Mishaps happen, and sometimes we'll have to resort to using blood magic in order to fuel our spells, so it's nice to have someone along that can quickly soothe those minor injuries over. Further, they tend to get along rather well with our friend that likes to have their bones broken, which makes for a fun group.
It isn't all rainbows and sunshine for the friends we choose either, oh no! Our fellow shadow users are worth hanging out with. I mean, don't go thinking that they're nearly as good as we are, because they aren't in the least, but they can make good servants. Despite the odd match that they seem to provide, the large, fat, feathery druids aren't bad traveling companions either. Their penchant for lighting things on fire and torturing their victims with swarms of stinging insects is rather a marvel to behold. I often question whether they really are druids most days. The furry brothers to the fat ones aren't terrible either, but in recent days I've grown less fond of them. They've started shedding and drooling everywhere, and then there's the bleeding thing! Do you know how expensive it is to clean these robes? Plus they always seem to have this odd odor about them that just isn't pleasant. Maybe we should suggest to them that they bathe.
Another great companion that I've generally liked having around is a trustworthy assassin. It may be true that they don't hurl magical afflictions like the rest of us, but their poisons are exceptionally deadly -- I kid you not, I once saw a rogue lay flat Hogger using their brews. Despite that I would rather see them dead than walking by my side, without any other choice a pyromancer can make for a rather decent traveling associate. If mages needed to be in a tiered list, then the fire variety would at least be slightly more acceptable than the other two; although all three are listed under the "MUST DIE" category.
The proper art of using a soul
Soul collecting is a rather important job as well. They make such wonderful gifts, and the way that they shine and shimmer is perfect for any decor. While I'm off wandering the world on my own, I always ensure that my own soul is kept safe and sound should the worst ever occur. You simply wouldn't believe that number of times that I've had a pack of mages descend upon me in a frantic rage. Normally this wouldn't be an issue, but even I can have some difficulty with an entire flock of the creatures at times. Should I ever find myself in good company, though, I make a habit of trying to talk any of them that I can into letting me "borrow" their soul. The healers and bruisers in particular are the best souls to take, but they aren't the only choice.
Shadowy priests, those aforementioned nature freaks, the so far unmentioned nature freaks, and those wretched men of the Light can all make fantastic target for soul stealing ... err ... storage. Essentially, any of your followers that are capable of restoring life to a dead body makes for a precious soul to store. They're quite valuable you know, on the right markets. Further note to self: Learn how they do this reanimation trick, it could end up being handy.
On top of soul stealing, condensing blood into a pendant for later use at restoring one's vitality is another essential trick that every warlock should master. For your own personal use, it can be a massive life saver in a variety of situations that you may find yourself in. Plus, truly practiced warlocks should be able to create a veritable well of life for any of their companions that would want to marvel at our spectacular abilities. Trust me, it's a huge hit in parties, especially the larger bashes; just remember to smack any mage's hand that attempts to reach into the proverbial cookie jar. Better yet, burn the hand off (although you then lose a new chew toy for your Felpuppy).
You aren't mean, you're just born that way
Remember that you are a warlock, you aren't here to make friends, see sights, or cuddle with the adorable wildlife. Ever seen the movie Bambi? Yeah, you're the guy at the end that shoots the mother. Bad guy? Perhaps, but who cares. It is your job to inflict as much damage as possible to as many monsters as possible. Job is such a horrible description for it though, because that implies it isn't highly enjoyable and exciting. Frankly, I'd do it even if I wasn't getting paid -- although I am rather confused as to why these things pay me to kill them, it's all rather strange. Know your limitations though, there's no need to rush the inevitable. Eventually, you'll get around to killing everything, so there isn't a need for you to go around all gung-ho on more than you can chew.
Corollary to that, allow for your buddy that wants to be smacked around to get exactly what he desires. Who said warlocks aren't a caring bunch? If your friend, or minion, wants to take a facial beating, then by all means allow for him to do that job; getting in the way of it is highly questionable behavior by any warlock. We're sadists, not masochists; there's a difference. Plus, when your followers don't get what they want, they have this tendency to abandon you. We like having followers, they do the stuff we don't want to, so try not to piss them off too much.
Finally, learn to master the fear that you inspire in others. Warlocks are a force to be reckoned with; we are death itself on the battle field. Our enemies know this, and that makes us susceptible to causing uncontrollable panic amongst our foes. Be that as it may, it is far better to leave a challenger trembling in a catatonic state than it is to send them running off in a state of panic. Curb the fear that you posses, control it, and thereby control them. Often times delaying the oncoming storm is far more effective than unleashing it all at once.
Filed under: Warlock, (Warlock) Blood Pact
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Reader Comments (Page 2 of 3)
thisfails Jun 20th 2011 8:44PM
Great article, though I'm an undead warlock and certainly don't have a pretty face.
RetPallyJil Jun 20th 2011 9:13PM
Maybe it was pretty before? Hell I dunno, I subscribe to the Scarlet view lol
Carune Jun 20th 2011 11:21PM
Maybe it is the pretty face you keep in your bags. You know the one you use when company is over.
locksoflocks Jun 20th 2011 8:52PM
Feed your friends on the souls of your enemies, and enjoy the torture and suffering of all those around you.
And remember, they are already dead, they just don't know it yet.
Make em suffer,
Drac
Utakata Jun 20th 2011 8:52PM
How to be a true goblin *Warlock:
"I ain't here for the gear (although it's a nice perk)...I'm here for the gold and the fireworks. So I don't need any stinkin' Recount, just let me at 'em and it will die! Da bing, da boom, da bang!"
*Note: Works best with Destro.
How to be a true gnome **Warlock:
"Oops...did I pull that? Run!"
**Note: Works best with Demo.
Lockefeller Jun 20th 2011 9:12PM
Delegirous is right on. Though I do appreciate literary flair when used sparingly to spice up actual news, content and fact, this post is merely 1500 words of nothingness wrapped up in theme. Let down again by another uninformative, irrelevant Blood Pact.
I would have rather read 1500 words on nothing but the new Soul Swap change even though I can sum it up in 1 sentence. Another lock nerf due to OPness in the arenas. Sad that Affliction pve just can't catch a break, especially due to nothing but it's pvp use.
RetPallyJil Jun 20th 2011 11:39PM
(waves wand) Expelleramus Partypooperus!
aerrae Jun 21st 2011 12:10AM
Really? this article was one of the more fun articles in a long time, and if you took the time to read between the lines, it gave some nice things to remember, and sometimes I can use a slap to the back of the head to remember something important!! (*Slap* soul stone*slap*)
Seriously, that is when I care enough about the group, PUGS don't get my soul stone, unless we make it past the first boss, then I have something to gain.
Anyway, I'm done being an ass for 5 minutes, I think Mr. Caraway did an excellent job with this one, it was one of the more light toned articles in a while, and I appreciate the comedy behind it. Good on you Sir, do not let these punks bring you down for this one, great piece.
Roy Jun 21st 2011 10:52AM
*takes away Jil's wand*
Jil, while I admire your enthusiasm -- paladins may not use magic wands. Just as I am not talented enough to swing a two-ton hammer, Paladins lack the sophistication and fine motor skills required to handle such a fine piece of magical equipment.
Based on this guy's name, he appears to be a fellow warlock. It also appears that his imp soiled his Cheerios this morning. Lockefeller, it is a much better idea to banish your imp and torture a mage into providing you a fresh breakfast than to attack your dark brothers. [http://www.wowhead.com/npc=35458 Wilfred Fizzlebang] died by taking on more than he can handle, and battling with warlocks is a lot more hazardous to your health -- as you should already know.
Long story short, for immersion in content and used as a teaching aid, RP can be quite entertaining and enjoyable. I prefer this style of writing to "I haz macro -- target PEW PEW PEW! Y I no can haz spirit gear? lolwut?! I liek much!"
fragos Jun 20th 2011 9:30PM
this makes me want to roll a warlock
Eregos ftw! Jun 20th 2011 10:16PM
Bares mostly like the tast of FASE!
Reynard Jun 20th 2011 10:53PM
A warlock article that truly summarizes the essence of 'locks: amusing and uninformative!
I admit I got a laugh out of the idea of a warlock complaining about someone _else's_ smell. Sure, our druid friends can get a bit... wild at times, but it's honest dirt and sweat. Warlocks have to carry some particularly gruesome spell components around and do so without a Mage's aptitude and conscientiousness in freeze drying them.
Speaking of frost, you realize that even a warlock could cast Ice Block - if they wanted to? It's such a simple spell that even those practitioners of arcane or blaze can cast it at a moment's notice, but warlocks won't because it's too close to actual bathing.
It's sad, really. Inside every warlock is a failed Mage. Unable to grasp the theories of controlling the aether, they turn to dark powers in a regular Faustian bargain out of jealousy. Go on - ask any warlock exactly what their price in those demonic contracts is. Half won't even be able to tell you 'cause the didn't read the things. It's not pretty.
The closest warlocks have ever gotten to a hero was Wilfred Fizzlebang. He was a gnome.
(It's all in good fun, guys!)
Sqtsquish Jun 20th 2011 11:27PM
eh failed mage? More like decided to stop eating vanilla magics and decided to go with the chocolate. Or in other words- Lock- triple shot of espresso. mage- decaff
RavenJet Jun 23rd 2011 5:20AM
Warlocks don't aspire to be heroes. We aspire to be forces of destruction. Fizzlebang was a joke, if we had rolemodels at all it would be Kill'Jaeden.
When we fight on what you term the side of "good" it's only to meet our own ends.
On the other hand, those who aspire to be heroes of "good" have a nasty habit of falling...hard.
Arthas was a paladin... and look what happened to him, in the end even us warlocks decided to kick his frozen butt - you other lot were there because you thought he was a threat to the world, evil, whatever... the warlocks in that group were there because ruling the world through evil is OUR destiny and he was ... in the way.
Sqtsquish Jun 20th 2011 11:25PM
It isn't a job, it isn't a past-time, its a calling- we call stuff to do what we want, or we eat their souls... and if we're undead we eat their bodies afterward, or before -it does get quite a bit dull if you don't vary it up from time to time.
vocenoctum Jun 21st 2011 12:33AM
My old joke was, my warlock was maxed out on cooking and skinning. Druids may SAY they're nature types, but only the warlock uses all parts of the beasts they slay. The hide, the meat, the Soul...
anonymous Jun 20th 2011 11:46PM
Hey, I'm offended, Tyler. Some of us actually ARE masochists... SADISTIC masochists. *evil grin*
BWAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHcoughcoughHAHAHAHcough
DAMNIT! I can never end with a properly-executed dramatic sadistic masochist laugh.
marcoscr05 Jun 21st 2011 12:30AM
I'd like to add that a good warlock needs a dagger or a sword to cut people and get some blood. It's ok if a staff has better stats you can use it, but ALWAYS and I mean ALWAYS keep something on your bags that you can use to cut somebody and do some kind of ritual, even if it is a skinning knife.
Zenith Jun 21st 2011 3:06AM
Lies! As the great Kralnor said:
"if your not a staff user, GET YOUR ASS OUT!!!!!!"
Unless of course your plan was to convince some people not to go for the legendary, in which case I agree completely with those things you said! *goblinish grin*
Angus Jun 21st 2011 8:09AM
So you have a dagger for cutting?
;)
(Not a mage)