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All of the latest Mists of Pandaria newsTwo Bosses Enter: Whitemane and Mograine vs. ... wait, what?
by Alex Ziebart 
Jun 20th 2011 at 9:00AM
The Crusaders, Sally Whitemane and Renault Mograine, stepped into the Two Bosses arena, well-rested after their bout with Forgemaster Throngus. The Cardboard Assassin had already been assembled in the opposite corner, swaying uneasily with the deafening roar of the gathered crowd.
Tirion Fordring rose from his seat and spread his arms to silence the audience. The moment the cheering stalled, Tirion motioned to Whitemane and Mograine. He bellowed, voice gruff and rumbling. "Today, in the left corner, heralding from the Tirisfal Glades of the fallen Kingdom of Lordaeron, we have the Scarlet Crusaders, Champions of the Light, bane of the unholy Scourge."
Tirion motioned in the other direction. "In the right corner, heralding from the forges of Westfall, stands the Cardboard Assassin, slayer of men and gods alike."
"Champions," Fordring shouted, "are you rea--"
The arena floor burst into flames, flooding the coliseum with smoke and cutting Lord Fordring's words short, driving the audience into sudden silence. The fires were extinguished as quickly as they came, and a woman stood in their place, obscured amidst the smoke. "Well," she observed, "this hardly seems fair."
Vanessa VanCleef stepped forward. She pointed between the competitors, first to the Crusaders and then to the Assassin. "Two of you, versus one of him? I thought I was the cheater, buying an engineering tinker's way into the tournament, but you're the cheaters." Her voice dripped with venom. "Champions of the Light, I'm sure."
"What is the meaning of this?" Tirion demanded. "You've lost, Vanessa. Vacate the arena!"
The Defias kingpin looked up at Fordring as he lorded over the arena floor. "Your incompetence has allowed a tag team to ravage its way across a single-entrant tournament. It's absurd. You're honestly going to let a tank-and-healer team fight a cardboard cutout with a spring attached? Nobody wants to see that." Vanessa stepped over to the Cardboard Assassin, running leather-bound fingers along its corrugated edges. "The rules have been broken from the start. Fair play must be maintained, Lord Fordring, or your entire tournament is nothing more than a cruel joke on your beloved audience."
Tirion frowned, the lines of age showing on his face. Vanessa was right. The audience was displeased with him, and growing increasingly unruly.
VanCleef smiled up at him with deceptive innocence. "I will fight beside my dear assassin today, Tirion. Should we win, the ... legitimate competitor will advance."
"You cannot possibly be thinking of allowing this, Tirion!" Renault shouted. Whitemane followed, "She lost! Remove her from the grounds!"
"I will allow it." There was no enthusiasm in Tirion's voice and he did not like the rogue's emphasis on legitimate, but he had little choice in the matter. "Vanessa, take your corner."
She did.
"Champions!" Tirion took his seat. "Begin!"
| Vanessa VanCleef and the Cardboard Assassin | |
|---|---|
| Sally Whitemane and Renault Mograine |
The rules of the ring
- The WoW Insider Ring is considered neutral territory, where both combatants are able to access their usual encounter mechanics and abilities. If you can't visualize it inside the squared circle, visualize it someplace else -- but you must take into consideration all of each bosses' abilities and mechanics.
- Assume that each opponent is intelligent and capable of strategic thinking.
- All of the competitors' abilities, including crowd control and other effects to which bosses are usually immune, work on their opponents (with apologies to considerations of lore on this point).
- Assume that the opponents share similar levels, health pools, and comparative overall damage output.
- Don't get caught up in gameplay mechanics and what actual players might do in each encounter.
- Don't neglect style, story, and scale. Everything is a factor; seeking balance is your goal as a spectator and judge.
Whitemane: Arise, my champion!
Mograine: At your side, my lady.
Vanessa is right. The Scarlet Crusade is a bunch of cheaters. Whitemane and Mograine have completely dominated their competition thus far. Reader predictions pit Whitemane and Mograine against Ozruk in the finals and that seems quite likely, but will Vanessa's interference ruin their chances of taking the tournament?
Mograine's toolkit includes: And Whitemane's repertoire: As stated in this duo's previous appearances, if you haven't seen these two in action before, you really need to take a trip to the Scarlet Monastery on a level-appropriate character.
"If I'm going to die, I'm taking you all with me." - Vanessa VanCleef
"..." - Cardboard Assassin
Vanessa VanCleef was knocked out in the first round of the Two Bosses Enter tournament by the Cardboard Assassin. How the heck did a piece of cardboard sign up for this tournament, anyway? Well, according to Vanessa, she was the one that entered him into the tournament as part of some dark plot, so it most certainly wasn't the author of the column that did it. Of course not. That would be stupid and dumb. Who would do something like that? Not me.
Vanessa is one tough cookie and the Cardboard Assassin has been able to ride the comedy vote thus far. Will the two of them be able to topple the Scarlet Duo, or will their personality conflict bring about an early demise for the corrugated god?
Vanessa VanCleef's toolkit includes:
- Backslash
- Deadly Blades
- Vengeance of VanCleef
- An assortment of poisons of the mind
- A taunt
- Immunity to mind-altering effects and substances
- He has a funny face
Ozruk is one of the few Cataclysm bosses that has truly found a place in the hearts of men. He has personality, he has power, and he has respect -- few bosses in this expansion can claim all three yet. Sure, maybe people like Lord Godfrey and Vanessa VanCleef will go down in WoW history as pretty awesome people, but Ozruk already has it in his stoney grip. The big man managed to take down Eregos, the previous Two Bosses Enter champion that has been ravaging his way across the tournament ever since.
Reader Naryn was not an Ozruk supporter, but I liked their rendition of the fight best.
Eregos as a female is a terrifying thought. She would have the deepest voice ever.Ley-Guardian Eregos circled Coldarra in search of more prey coming her way, just as the Lord and Lady of the Deep had fallen before her when she spotted her next target; Ozruk.
Ozruk blinded by the brightness of Coldarra didn't see Eregos swoop in behind, her talons braced for an impact, the Ley-Guardian struck a abhorrent blow to Ozruk before he had time to prepare himself, Eregos screamed "You brash interlopers are out of your element! I will ground you!" However Ozruk took this time to prepare himself for Eregos' next attack, brutal as it was Ozruk's Elementium Bulwark took the brunt of Eregos' hit and turned it against her in a devastating counter-attack.
As Ozruk took the initiative he began to cast Ground Slam "None may pass the World's Heart" Eregos laughed at him, the power of the Earth was no match for her, "Such insolence should be punished" Enraged at Ozruk's clear contempt for her considerable power, Ozruk, unable to defend himself whilst Slamming into the ground took a mighty blow, but managed to keep himself up through the strength of his Earthern shields.
"Break yourself upon my body" he taunted Eregos with, instead of falling for the same trick twice, Eregos sent in her whelp to die for her, and went into a Phasar Shift, protecting her from his obvious shatter.
Ozruk became enraged, his attacks were useless he turned to face the whelps surrounding him and blinding him to the multitude of Planar Anomaly's surrounding him.
"A protector has fallen, The World's Heart lies exposed"
Eregos savours her victory briefly and begins her search for prey that might be.... more edible for her and her children.
| Ozruk | |
|---|---|
| Eregos |
The battle begins!
Remember, Two Bosses Enter matchups are all about substance and style, not gameplay, mechanics, and numbers. Don't base your strategies on player tactics, which opponent has been easiest or most difficult for you personally, or the difficulty of each opponent relative to instance progression. Vote for the spirit of the battle as set forth above. Set aside differences in opponents' health pools, game level, and actual damage output. Absolutely no game mechanics nitpicking!
Set aside the world order -- let the WoW Insider Ring determine who's the champion! Your votes determine the outcome in WoW Insider's series of fantasy deathmatches, Two Bosses Enter, One Boss Leaves.
Filed under: Analysis / Opinion, Two Bosses Enter
Reader Comments (Page 2 of 5)
David Jun 20th 2011 9:36AM
I was voting for Venessa from the start, and seeing her make a comeback.. mwahahaha!
schwonga Jun 20th 2011 1:34PM
"Don't call it a comeback (Venessa)'s been here for years..."
Chickenplucker Jun 20th 2011 9:37AM
This is good, really good.
More intros like that please.
Rai Jun 20th 2011 9:39AM
Had an inkling, you clever deviant.
With the comedic prop fan favourite, this'll go to Vanessa easily. Who will then proceed to betray the assassin.
Aspirisis Jun 20th 2011 9:47AM
Two words...Hu...zah!!!!!! THANK YOU ALEX!
Glostakarov Jun 20th 2011 9:49AM
This is an easy one; all Vanessa ever really needed was a tank. Ok, so he's a cardboard tank but he does have a taunt and he's immune to Deep Sleep and Dominate Mind. All he really has to do is soak those two things and keep Mograine off her long enough for her to send them into a scarlet nightmare. All they may face there is some facsimile Vanessa's and Cardboard Assassins, but that should be good for a good chunk of Whitemane's mana and maybe even the rez if Cardboard can distract Whitemane while Vanessa puts out some burst damage. After the nightmare ends its a straight up tank and spank; Cardboard keeps Mograine occupied just long enough for Vanessa to finish off Whitemane, and then falls apart. With healer and tank down its just a dps race between Vanessa and Mograine, which clearly favors her.
splodesondeath Jun 20th 2011 10:15AM
I didn't know Whitemane's first name was Sally. Huh.
Noogie Jun 20th 2011 11:10AM
Run some Caverns of Time. :)
Irin Jun 20th 2011 10:17AM
Alex, thank you.
Jaq Jun 20th 2011 10:31AM
You know, it DIDN'T occur to me that a tag team had been entered into a singles tournament.
Well played. Well played indeed.
aerrae Jun 20th 2011 10:50AM
Well the first round was tag team vs tag team... But yeah, I agree with you, I wasn't paying close enough attention to notice either!
harvey.bates Jun 20th 2011 10:59AM
Go Go Cardboard Assassin!
While Mograine and Whitemane fall into fits of laughter at the Assassins silly face, VanCleef promptly uses her Subtlety specced Ambush to one-shot both of them.
Robert Jun 20th 2011 11:00AM
Whitemane and Mograine would have won, but they blew their bubble-rez on the Super Mario room.
GhostWhoWalks Jun 20th 2011 11:30AM
In terms of the competition, the cop-out is disappointing; we never got to see an Ashbury vs VanCleef, and the Cardboard Assassin takes up a slot that could've been filled with a more interesting boss. From a narrative point of view, however, the idea of a Rogue cheating her way into the semifinals makes sense.
For the future, it would definitely be advisable to leave all joke competitors out of the listings; I really liked the Wild Cards, since it brought back a few fan-favorites and made for some interesting match-ups, but including a training dummy took it a step too far. Maybe once we've cycled through all of the Cataclysm 5-man bosses, we can have a "World" tournament: people can cast their vote for any 5-man boss in the game, from any expansion, and the top 8 face off for the title of Best. Boss. Ever.
But the matter of the current match-up is at hand, so let's get to the analysis. If anything can take down a tank/healer team, it's a Rogue; after all, in PvP, a Rogue wouldn't be blindly bashing away at a heavily armored melee, she's going right for the healer. http://www.penny-arcade.com/comic/2007/9/21/ So can Mograine keep Vanessa off of Whitemane long enough to keep her alive? I say no. Vanessa is about as un-squishy as a Rogue gets and Mograine isn't known for his stellar melee attacks, so he can't simply smack her down while she's focused on Whitemane. Hammer of Justice and Lay on Hands can slow her down, but Vanessa's Backslash and Deadly Blades will really be putting the hurt on Whitemane. With Deadly Blades doing damage to both of them, Whitemane will have her hands full trying to keep both herself and her champion alive, she can't simply focus on healing herself. Eventually, Vengeance of VanCleef will win out over the Scarlet Duo's stalling tactics. Mograine is fairly easy to take down when deprived of his healer (I say this from the experience of many SM runs), and though Vanessa will probably have taken quite the beating by this time, she'll still have enough stamina left to bring down Mograine and take the win.
And then she'll take Whitemane's hat. Unlike most of the people who have pilfered it over the years, it'll actually look good on her.
Qing Guang Jun 20th 2011 11:33AM
Eh, looking at the header I was 100% with the Scarlets, but seeing Vanessa in there... they don't stand a chance. I can just imagine...
Whitemane and Mograine stood staring in confusion at the odd pair, glancing back and forth from their synthetic foe to their unexpected one. They hardly noticed when Vanessa began to speak.
"I've been waiting a long time for this, you know. Biding my time, building my forces, studying your twisted minds.
Now, cheaters, let us see how you fare when you are the victim of foul play, rather than the instigator..."
As the two Scarlet champions stood baffled, the young VanCleef slipped around behind them and jabbed each with a syringe. Their consciousness immediately slipped away...
They awakened in a room filled with treasure. Something was definitely wrong here. Sally reached up to secure her hat, only to find a filthy turban in its place. Perplexed, she looked down at herself in horror - a wretched little pygmy! Meanwhile, Renault fought to raise himself off the floor where he lay sprawled, only to discover that he, too, had had a transformation... a scaly one. Heavy footsteps padded somewhere to their left. A voice, disembodied, floated in on the desert winds.
"Augh led the pygmies by maintaining fear and awe. But the other denizens of the Lost City were unmoved, and they did not appreciate his theft of their ancient treasures..."
Two Neferset approached from the outside. They stopped in front of the statues and stepped apart, revealing a third behind them, his decorative helmet marking him clearly as the leader. The ram-horned Neferset stepped into the room and forcibly dragged Whitemane and Mograine outside.
"So," he said, "You are the little bit of camel dung that looted our town as we fought, hmmm? Let us see how well your flunkies respect you when they have us to fear instead."
He called out, and several towers of pygmies waddled into view. Shortly thereafter, swarms of crocolisks surged from the water. He left them to their fate.
Fortunately, the Scarlet champions discovered they still retained their abilities. The pygmies and crocolisks stood no chance against the power of the Light, and Whitemane and Mograine easily disposed of them.
The nightmare shifted.
The duo stood chained, held by a trio of Twilight's Hammer cultists in what appeared to be a large smithy. The two champions seemed to have resumed their normal forms, though the value of that given their present situation was unclear. One of the cultists jangled the chain and pointed at an anvil, indicating the hammer lying upon it. The voice bubbled up from the molten metal in the great pit at the center of the room.
"This is life in Khardros' Anvil: work or suffer. A chain of oppression is maintained through fear, even for those at the top of the ladder..."
Pounding footsteps indicated the arrival of their other defeated opponent. Forgemaster Throngus looked at them with an expression of frustration mixed with terror.
"Why you not work? You gotta work, or you get beat... we all get beat! Throngus no want to get whipped!"
He raised a massive hand to smack them. They readied themselves for another difficult fight... but all slipped away into blackness.
Vanessa VanCleef yanked her daggers out of the two corpses, letting them fall to the ground. She had learned from her mistakes. Never rely solely on one gambit when it will enable a surer plan of victory. Turning, she patted the Cardboard Assassin on its flimsy head and strode out of the arena.
Onikuma Jun 20th 2011 1:56PM
This. This is what happened. Excellent!
Bapo Jun 20th 2011 11:43AM
Not to be "that guy" but... unless there is another wild card. Ozruk is going to steam roll what's left of the competition anyways. Or is there another massive boss still around?
Amaxe Jun 20th 2011 12:00PM
Technically, this article seems to be more along the lines of nudging the Cardboard Assassin out of the way. The team gets the silly supporters and the Vanessa supporters (something like 67% of the vote in their favor at the time of this post). I suspect what will happen next is the C-A will be there in name only for the next round or will be written out of the story... perhaps many of those who dislike the joke will write an entry in which the C-A is destroyed in this battle and Vanessa moves on.
Now it's your website and you're free to do as you like, and people are free to vote as they like, but ultimately it feels disappointing. You guys threw in the C-A, not anticipating the silly vote and now this looks like a retcon to bury an embarrassing situation (the possibility of C-A winning the entire tournament).
Personally, I'd say: You put C-A into the tournament, so man up and take the consequences.
The Dewd Jun 20th 2011 12:29PM
I'm *really* hoping that the Cardboard Assassin was just a setup to get Vanessa back into the tournament in the event that she was knocked out prior to the final round. I won't believe that, though, unless we see documented, dated proof of that plan.
Amaxe Jun 20th 2011 1:21PM
I don't think it was a setup from the beginning (though I could be wrong). I think it was because there was a lot of hostility towards the advancing C-A.
Because these polls are not scientific, we have no way of knowing whether the vote is skewed and not representing the preferences of most of the readers or whether those who object are merely a very vocal minority.
I wouldn't be surprised to learn they were intimidated by the backlash though, and I suspect this is at least part of the issue. (The other part being "Sure... put the Cardboard Assassin in... it will be a joke and the other boss will have a bye... OH GOD, WHAT HAVE WE DONE???")