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Drama Mamas: Too shy to change guilds

Drama Mamas Lisa Poisso and Robin Torres are experienced gamers and real-life mamas -- and just as we don't want our precious babies to be the ones kicking and wailing on the floor of the checkout lane next to the candy, neither do we want you to become known as That Guy on your realm.

I was going to go with a favorite video from the 80's for this week's embed, but then I caught the above video on Moviewatch and it seemed serendipitous.
Dear Drama Mamas

We on the other side of the globe (read Europe) also read WoW Insider and I personally enjoy your little space on WoW Insider very much. However I have a problem and of course I wouldn't be writing to you otherwise.

Here's the case. I have been in a semi-hardcore guild for the past 2 years. When I first got there it was a friendly guild with lots of activities and fun and, most important for me, progress. I loved to raid with them because I got to see bosses I hadn't seen before due to my old guild not having so much progress. This raiding only made me want to do more and more until cutting edge progress was the thing I (and to some extent the guild) was aiming for.
We have had some ups and downs and an almost disband but the guild pulled through due to people from some other guilds joining ours. Lately however I've been feeling more and more out of place in the guild. Our progress has virtually come to a halt, even raids on Wednesdays (which is patch day for us Europeans) have been called off because people aren't showing up and the days we do raid our progress is being halted by the same people failing over and over again. I myself play an Enhancement Shaman and am one of the two DPS shamans in the guild which forces me to be more of an utility person than an actual DPSer. I have to do interrupts on almost all fights and if I'm not around there's even some bosses the guild can't do because no one else wants to/can interrupt etc.

I've been trying to make it work for the past few weeks but I feel more and more exhausted by the guild and sadly it's also sucking the fun out of my play so I've been thinking about a guild switch to another server, and not just some guild but a guild that's good on progress as well. I have the time for progression (currently not in school or anything) and the dedication to keep up with the class I play. My problem is that I'm a female and a shy female at that so I don't have the courage to ask around about guilds and rules and other stuff which leaves me with few options.

What should I do? Hang around in my old guild and hope the tides turn for the better or suck up my courage and apply to the guild I'd love to be in?

Please help!
Doubting and Shy

Drama Mama Lisa: Well, Doubting and Shy, doubt no more! Wanting to move on is an age-old situation that we've addressed more than once here at the Drama Mamas. This post says it all: It's time to leave now.

Now then. The part of your question I'm most concerned about is your claim that "My problem is that I'm a female and a shy female at that so I don't have the courage to ask around about guilds and rules and other stuff which leaves me with few options." Girl ... stuff and nonsense. There's no courage required whatsoever to clicking around forums and websites to evaluate potential guilds' rules and cultures.

I can tell by your note that you've got your stuff together, so pick through the possibilities and then get your app out there. We ran an article recently -- sec, let me shuffle through here, I know I edited it just the other day ... Ah, here it is: A rogue's resume. The suggestions Chase makes sound tailor-made to spotlight your skill and experience -- documenting all those interrupts would be huge for your class and spec.

So let's get down to brass tacks: You knew we were going to tell you to kick some brass and reach for the brass ring, because continuing to play in a group you're not having any fun with is just brass-ackwards ... (Okay, okay ...) But seriously -- enough with the brass. It's time for a spine of steel. I'm sure your current guild is full of nice folks and you'll miss some of them (and they, you!) immeasurably once you've moved on. But there are more nice folks in other guilds, too -- and more importantly, more fun tackling content you're jonesing to dig into.

So get to digging!

Drama Mama Robin: Shy, you definitely need to leave your current guild. That's the easy part. But I completely understand how your shyness is holding you back. The possibility of rejection can be painful, even if you know you are well qualified for a spot in a progression raiding guild. Lisa's "Just Do It" advice is good for the mildly shy or those who just need a little motivation. That may be all you need. But if it's not just about a pep talk with you, there are some things you can do to make the guild-changing process easier.

You need a three step attack:
  1. Prepare diligently As Lisa says, preparing a potent resume is key for selling yourself with confidence.
  2. Search intelligently Make a list of things that are mandatory for your new guild to have, things that aren't necessary but would be nice, and things the guild absolutely cannot have. Then look through guild advertisements on server forums and here in The Classifieds to find guilds that match your list. Don't bother with any guild that doesn't have what you need or that has what you can't deal with. If you find no guilds match your needs, adjust your list.
  3. Apply accurately Most guilds (and employers) won't even bother to respond to your application if you don't follow the directions stated in their application process. And really, if you can't follow instructions when not pressed for time, how can you be expected to do so in a raid situation?
All of the above steps can be accomplished at your pace and without actually interacting with anyone real-time. If you feel yourself getting scared or panicky, just take a few deep breaths and maybe even come back to it later. If you feel a bit insecure, re-read your letter to us. You come off as a talented shaman and a team player. If you can sell yourself that well to us, then I'm sure you can do it in your guild applications too.

Once a guild accepts you, you will of course have to interact. But here is where your shyness will actually come in handy. It is always better when you are the new person in a situation (guild, team, office, class, etc.) to be quiet and low-key for the first couple encounters. Of course, you should answer questions and contribute as necessary, but warming up to a new guild allows you to keep your eyes and ears open to really observe your new teammates. Are they right for you? Are you right for them? Once you've had a chance to warm up to them, they'll have seen you're not a loudmouth trying to prove your awesomeness with words instead of actions.

If you find a good fit on the first attempt, great! If you don't, try not to be discouraged. As you've discovered, your guild severely affects your in-game fun. It's better to have a couple false starts before you find a good home than to not try at all. Good luck and let us know what happens!

Dodge the drama and become that player everyone wants in their group with a little help and insight from the Drama Mamas. Remember, your mama wouldn't want to see your name on any drama. Play nice ... and when in doubt, ask the Drama Mamas at robin@wowinsider.com.

Filed under: Analysis / Opinion, Drama Mamas

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