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All of the latest Mists of Pandaria newsTwo Bosses Enter: Cataclysm Season 1 finals
by Alex Ziebart 
Jun 27th 2011 at 9:00AM
"Today, in the left corner, stands the guardian of the World's Heart!" Tirion's voice rose to a crescendo to be heard over the explosive cheering of the audience and the music thundering forth from the gnomish sound projectors. "Ozruk!"
Break yourself, break yourself
Break yourselves upon my body
Break yourself, break yourself
Break yourselves upon my body ...
And so it went. A frown grew on Tirion's face, displeased with the so-called hippity-hop, but what the audience wanted, the audience would get. The moment the music faded, the old crusader motioned to the other corner. "In the right corner stands ..." Tirion leaned forward, squinting to make out the form far below. He sighed deeply. "Vanessa, what are you doing here? Where is the Cardboard Assassin? And why are you wearing that chapeau?"
Vanessa shifted her gaze from the rocky behemoth before her, up toward the old man above in the stands. "He's dead."
"What do you mean he's dead?" Tirion demanded. "He was never alive to begin with!"
"Your medical staff is untrained in the care and feeding of paper men, Lord Fordring." Vanessa smiled sweetly. "They tried to quench his thirst and he fell all to pieces."
Ozruk snorted with a start. With all the coherence of an old man waking from an afternoon nap, the stone guardian asked, words slurring, "A protector has fallen?"
Vanessa ignored him. "As our dearly departed assassin's manager ..."
"No, Vanessa." Tirion cut in. "Absolutely not!"
"... I will compete in his place."
"Fine. I don't even care anymore." Tirion groaned and took his seat. "I will allow it."
"Champions," Vanessa mocked, lowering herself into a fighting stance. With a flick of her wrist, a poison vial went soaring through the air toward the ancient of earth. "Begin!"
| Ozruk | |
|---|---|
| Vanessa VanCleef |
The rules of the ring
- The WoW Insider Ring is considered neutral territory, where both combatants are able to access their usual encounter mechanics and abilities. If you can't visualize it inside the squared circle, visualize it someplace else -- but you must take into consideration all of each bosses' abilities and mechanics.
- Assume that each opponent is intelligent and capable of strategic thinking.
- All of the competitors' abilities, including crowd control and other effects to which bosses are usually immune, work on their opponents (with apologies to considerations of lore on this point).
- Assume that the opponents share similar levels, health pools, and comparative overall damage output.
- Don't get caught up in gameplay mechanics and what actual players might do in each encounter.
- Don't neglect style, story, and scale. Everything is a factor; seeking balance is your goal as a spectator and judge.
Break yourselves upon my body!
Ozruk utterly dominated his opponent in round one with 81% of the popular vote. He knocked out Lord Godfrey with just shy of 70% of the popular vote. He took out the unstoppable Eregos with ... not quite 60% of the vote! Ozruk's reputation as being entirely invincible has been slipping over the weeks, but all you really need is one vote more than the other guy to win, right? Can he pull it off?
Ozruk's arsenal includes ... If you haven't witnessed Ozruk's gleaming, perfectly chiseled body yourself, perhaps you'd like to learn more about his flawless physique or read other adventurers' first-hand reports.
Your tale ends here!
Vanessa VanCleef is a cheater. Plain and simple. She was knocked out in the first round by the Cardboard Assassin, but with her skill at intrigue and conspiracy, she managed to find a way to get into the finals. Will her cheating ways be enough to put her over the top against Ozruk, the fan favorite to win the tournament and an all-around scary dude?
Vanessa VanCleef's toolkit includes:
- Backslash
- Deadly Blades
- Vengeance of VanCleef
- An assortment of poisons of the mind
You can't please everybody, but Tirion Fordring, Two Bosses Enter Overseer, certainly tried. He granted Vanessa VanCleef permission to compete alongside the Cardboard Assassin in a tag-team match against Whitemane and Mograine, and there was absolutely no question who won -- Vanessa and the Cardboard Assassin dominated utterly. Of course, it also marked the end of the Cardboard Assassin's career, so it wasn't much of a win for him.
Reader Qing Guang knows Vanessa's fighting style well and outlined Whitemane and Mograine's defeat for all of us.
The Crusaders never stood a chance.Whitemane and Mograine stood staring in confusion at the odd pair, glancing back and forth from their synthetic foe to their unexpected one. They hardly noticed when Vanessa began to speak.
"I've been waiting a long time for this, you know. Biding my time, building my forces, studying your twisted minds.
Now, cheaters, let us see how you fare when you are the victim of foul play, rather than the instigator..."
As the two Scarlet champions stood baffled, the young VanCleef slipped around behind them and jabbed each with a syringe. Their consciousness immediately slipped away...
They awakened in a room filled with treasure. Something was definitely wrong here. Sally reached up to secure her hat, only to find a filthy turban in its place. Perplexed, she looked down at herself in horror - a wretched little pygmy! Meanwhile, Renault fought to raise himself off the floor where he lay sprawled, only to discover that he, too, had had a transformation... a scaly one. Heavy footsteps padded somewhere to their left. A voice, disembodied, floated in on the desert winds.
"Augh led the pygmies by maintaining fear and awe. But the other denizens of the Lost City were unmoved, and they did not appreciate his theft of their ancient treasures..."
Two Neferset approached from the outside. They stopped in front of the statues and stepped apart, revealing a third behind them, his decorative helmet marking him clearly as the leader. The ram-horned Neferset stepped into the room and forcibly dragged Whitemane and Mograine outside.
"So," he said, "You are the little bit of camel dung that looted our town as we fought, hmmm? Let us see how well your flunkies respect you when they have us to fear instead."
He called out, and several towers of pygmies waddled into view. Shortly thereafter, swarms of crocolisks surged from the water. He left them to their fate.
Fortunately, the Scarlet champions discovered they still retained their abilities. The pygmies and crocolisks stood no chance against the power of the Light, and Whitemane and Mograine easily disposed of them.
The nightmare shifted.
The duo stood chained, held by a trio of Twilight's Hammer cultists in what appeared to be a large smithy. The two champions seemed to have resumed their normal forms, though the value of that given their present situation was unclear. One of the cultists jangled the chain and pointed at an anvil, indicating the hammer lying upon it. The voice bubbled up from the molten metal in the great pit at the center of the room.
"This is life in Khardros' Anvil: work or suffer. A chain of oppression is maintained through fear, even for those at the top of the ladder..."
Pounding footsteps indicated the arrival of their other defeated opponent. Forgemaster Throngus looked at them with an expression of frustration mixed with terror.
"Why you not work? You gotta work, or you get beat... we all get beat! Throngus no want to get whipped!"
He raised a massive hand to smack them. They readied themselves for another difficult fight... but all slipped away into blackness.
Vanessa VanCleef yanked her daggers out of the two corpses, letting them fall to the ground. She had learned from her mistakes. Never rely solely on one gambit when it will enable a surer plan of victory. Turning, she patted the Cardboard Assassin on its flimsy head and strode out of the arena.
| Vanessa VanCleef and the Cardboard Assassin | |
|---|---|
| Sally Whitemane and Renault Mograine |
The battle begins!
Remember, Two Bosses Enter matchups are all about substance and style, not gameplay, mechanics, and numbers. Don't base your strategies on player tactics, which opponent has been easiest or most difficult for you personally, or the difficulty of each opponent relative to instance progression. Vote for the spirit of the battle as set forth above. Set aside differences in opponents' health pools, game level, and actual damage output. Absolutely no game mechanics nitpicking!
Set aside the world order -- let the WoW Insider Ring determine who's the champion! Your votes determine the outcome in WoW Insider's series of fantasy deathmatches, Two Bosses Enter, One Boss Leaves.
Filed under: Two Bosses Enter
Reader Comments (Page 4 of 4)
sydazlir Jun 27th 2011 4:28PM
Ozruk took a moment to assess the challenger. She was small, even for her species, and wasn't even in a fighting stance. An easy kill. Ozruk began his charge, roaring,
"None may pass into the World's Heart!"
The little creature stayed where it was, not even batting an eyelid. Ozruk's initial fear turned to doubt as he got closer and closer, when suddenly she spoke.
"I never was never very good at hand-to-hand combat you know. Not like my father."
Suddenly she was behind him, whispering in his ear,
"But I always excelled at poisons. Especially venoms that affect the mind."
Suddenly the arena became blurred. Ozruk tried to turn and smash the female to a bloody pulp, but she wasn't there. Instead he was suspended above a pool of lava, slowly descending. Ozruk didn't even wince as he descended into the steaming magma, chuckling to himself.
"Ahhhh. That feels good little human. Perhaps you would like to give me a manicure while I bathe?"
Still laughing at his own joke, Ozruk jumped out of the small bathtub, and landed on the floor. Patches of fire were all around him, but he paid them no heed. Instead he walked towards some strange runes on the ground. Suddenly, something massive hit him on the back, casing him to fall to one knee.
"Gah! Enough of this foolishness!" He roared, and slammed the ground in front off him, instantly killing the hapless ogre who had been standing not too far away.
No sooner had the ogre been reduced to ground meat than spiders appeared all around him, and some small creature had grabbed onto his back.
"I know how to handle all of you!" Ozruk thundered, and shattered them all. The life form that had been on his back fell to the ground, lifeless.
The door at the side of the room opened, and Ozruk looked inside to see electricity swirling around, with small spots where a much smaller creature could have passed. Fortunately, he was made of stronger stuff than those pathetic fleshlings, and simply strode through the whirling lights, which found no purchase on his rocky skin. Finally, Ozruk came upon some sort of metal construct. It turned to look at him, one eye glowing red. Ozruk stampeded towards it, destroying it in a few easy swings.
"The cycle is complete" rumbled Ozruk.
"Wheat clog in port two" replied the Foe Reaper.
The next door opened to reveal three furry creatures attacking a helpless form. Ozruk considered letting it die for a moment, but thought better of it, and proceeded to flatten one of the creatures. The worgen let out a single whimper before Ozruk's foot finished crushing him. The other two started to viciously attack Ozruk, actually causing damage to him.
"Break yourselves upon my body! Feel the strength of the earth!"
Rocky spikes erupted from Ozruk, injuring the Worgen every time they attempted to hit him. He then kicked both of them into the water, where they proceeded to drown.
Suddenly, he heard a scream. Another one of the little fleshy creatures was being attacked! Ozruk raaced over, surprised at his own speed, and paralyzed them. Once the paralysis had worn off, all three of the wolf-men had taken considerable damage. He dispatched them quickly, to find a woman being choked by another one of the creatures, this one taller and bulkier. He activated his Elementium Bulwark and Spike Shield in anticipation for an attack, but none came. The worgen was completely focused on destroying the weak mortal. Ozruk sighed inwardly, and prepared to slam the ground in front of him.
But at that moment, the woman fell to the ground, dead. And having failed in his task, the Nightmare Elixir shut down Ozruk's brain, and he fell to the ground.
Vanessa VanCleef looked at the body of the giant and rolled her eyes. She left the arena, shouting back at the Highlord,
"Maybe you could get me an adequate challenger next time? See if your medical crew can piece my old friend back together. Maybe he'll put up a fight."
ALTERNATE FIGHT (well Vanessa wins)
Ozruk took a moment to assess the challenger. She was small, even for her species, and wasn't even in a fighting stance. An easy kill. Ozruk began his charge, roaring,
"None may pass into the World's Heart!"
The little creature stayed where it was, not even batting an eyelid. Ozruk's initial fear turned to doubt as he got closer and closer, when suddenly she spoke.
"I never was never very good at hand-to-hand combat you know. Not like my father."
Suddenly she was behind him, whispering in his ear,
"But I always excelled at poisons. Especially venoms that affect the mind."
Grabbing her with one hand, Ozruk threw Vanessa across the Coliseum, smacking into the wall with an audible crunch.
"Poisons? Against me? I'm made of stone, fleshling. They don't affect me."
Vanessa growled at the giant and jumped at him, both blades drawn. Several more defias jumped out of the shadows as well, all attacking Ozruk.
Ozruk attempted to use Ground Slam on her, but she was much too agile. Instead he activated Elementium Bulwark and Elementium spike Shield. All of Vanessa's 'assistants' die within a few seconds. Ozruk chuckled, paralyzed Vanessa, and began his cast to shatter her.
Only when his shatter went off, she wasn't there. She was 16 yards away, grinning like a wolf.
"Your little shield is counterproductive, my rock brained friend."
She jumped behind him and Backslashed him, dealing him considerable pain. But he managed to kick her hard enough that he felt ribs crack. Coughing up blood, she looked up and grinned at him again.
"Fool! This entire ship is rigged with explosives! Enjoy your fiery death!"
Ozruk was lucky enough to find that there was a rope hanging from the top of the Coliseum. He clambered to the top of it, where a Knight in Black stared at him.
"You spoiled my grand entrance, ra-" Shut up" replied Ozruk, and kicked him down into the arena where he was blown to smithereens.
Ozruk hopped back down, and attacked Vanessa again. But something was wrong. Her blows were getting stronger and stronger, inflicting massive amounts of damage. Desperately, Ozruk tried to climb the rope back up, but it was too late. Vanessa appeared behind him, and with one final attack, finished him.
Vanessa VanCleef looked up at what the Stadium looked like. The entire place had been destroyed by her bomb. King Varian, Jaina, Thrall, Garrosh, and Tirion had all died in the blast. She shrugged her shoulders, and left the arena in flames.
Amaxe Jun 27th 2011 5:03PM
OK, Vanessa is a 16 year old girl and the head of a remnant of Defias thugs. Even though WoW has her as a level 85 boss, she is still a small time thug in a sort of backwater of the Alliance. Essentially she can run wild because the Alliance has their collective heads up... er... are substantially distracted elsewhere (and I say that as Alliance)
Ozruk is substantially more ancient and powerful. So in that sense, I would think Vanessa's attacks would be ineffective against Ozruk. She could run but she couldn't win.
Treating them both as equal powered bosses strikes me as hard to conceive, because I see human with human tricks vs. a massive being impervious to said attacks.
I'd have to say ozruk wins without breaking a sweat when I look at it this way.
Omegan01 Jun 27th 2011 5:25PM
The thing is, even if you ignore all the lore and go by mechanics, what's Vanessa going to do if Ozruk pops his paralyze ability in the first second of the fight and sets up a shatter?
Nothing. She's screwed.
Paralyze is a devastating ability. It has tremendous range, ignores everything but flat-out immunity effects, and sets the target up for a vicious ground stomp.
What if Ozruk just decides to forego his bulwark ability? Vanessa is a total melee fighter - Ozruk is going to absolutely pulverize her with his stuns and aoe.
Astru Jun 27th 2011 8:01PM
Well now that the piece of shit cardboard assassin has trump'd all the legitimate options to challenge Ozruk I really could care less who wins. Oh, and please don't do this series again as it's terrible.
Saz Jun 27th 2011 10:01PM
I like Vanessa, the girl has spunk. Unfortunately daggers don't do much against rock, and Ozruk is the crusher of melee types. Sure she's rather quick, but one false move and she's pancake batter. As an energy based class she will tire quickly. Ozruk as a rock type? Well...he's got an all of eternity.
Should have kept her partner alive. She could have tossed him over Ozruk's eyes and have won in a hot minute.
Ballmung Jun 27th 2011 10:47PM
Both combatants faced each other. Ozruk stood unafraid of his tiny opponent, ready to break her with the power of the earth he commanded. Vanessa merely gave a hidden smirk, her plan at the ready.
Aware of how difficult it is to poison rock, Vanessa goes on the offensive with a Backslash to Ozruk. Feeling the scratch on his elementium back he unleashes his spike shield to deter more attacks. Expecting something clever from the rouge Ozruk the uses his Elementium Bulwark to be safe. But instead Vanessa keeps attacking. Perplexed by her actions Ozruk paralyzes Vanessa and readies his Shatter, which spelled doom for many foes before.
But this is what Vanessa was waiting for. Using her Deadly Blades to evade this hazardous attack. Bouncing from place to place she eluded the giant elemental, fleeing to the coliseum rafters. "Fool! This entire coliseum is rigged with explosives! Enjoy your fiery death!"
The charges exploded all around Ozruk, his elementium body still held together but was clearly worse for the wear. "Break yourself upon my body! Feel the strength of the earth!" Ozruk aimed his Ground Slam at Vanessa as she came back down from the rafters. But Vanessa does it again with another Backslash and wounds the great elemental. But his defenses were wearing on Vanessa so he once again applied both Elementium Bulwark and Spike Shield. Ozruk readied another Ground Slam and timed it with Vanessa taking another Backslash. The elemental was old, but his wits were not dull. Vanessa dodged the attack but not well enough.
Fleeing once more to the rafters Vanessa cried, "You didn't honestly think I would only plant ONE set of explosives did you?" Bombs once more erupted around Ozruk, this time clearly wounding the ancient earth elemental. One leg crumbled under his weight, weakened by the explosions.
Vanessa hardly worried now. She walked up to the crumbled Ozruk confident in her victory. She readied her final blow until she saw something spring up out of the corner of her eye. She turned to see it was a figure on a spring, one hand waving, and had a silly face. "Cardboard Assassin?! How did you...? I thought i disposed of you!"
Vanessa stood in disbelief as she stared at Cardboard Assassin. Ozruk took his chance and readied one more Shatter attack. Vanessa noticed at the last moment what the elemental was up to before she was launched to the other side of the arena, once more defeated at the hands of Cardboard Assassin.
Ozruk was in no condition to face his real opponent and his powers. The Shatter attack also launched spikes at Cardboard Assassin who reeled back and flung them back at Ozruk in return. Ozruk fell back, also defeated by the mighty comedic foe.
"And the winner, by whatever rules still exist in this competition, is Cardboard Assassin!!" Tirion then turned to the closest argent champion and asked for some aspirin. "I give up. Contestants keep coming and going as they please." Looking once more at Cardboard Assassin he sensed something was not right. He merely stood there, staring at something. "You can relax now Cardboard Assassin, you won."
But Cardboard Assassin would not stand down. He faced a strange curtain in the corner of the room. Tirion ordered an investigation. Behind the curtain was Alex Ziebart. "Do not pay attention to the man behind the curtain. He did not try to fix the fights at all by putting his favorite to win in the finals at the last moment."
"Alex Ziebart you have disgraced this tournament with your cheating tactics," cried Tirion, "Take him away in the name of the Light".
Alex was carried off by defenders of the Light as Cardboard Assassin stood there in satisfaction. At least people assume it was. Hard to tell what cardboard feels.
Amaxe Jun 28th 2011 12:21AM
This one works for me.
Let it be a lesson to Ziebart... don't put in a joke option unless you are prepared to face the consequences if it happens to win.
Next time think up a real boss or create a bye. But don't arbitrarily go against the vote.
paccoachnick Jun 28th 2011 4:26AM
Im voting Ozurk out of protest for the cardboard assassins abrupt and illegal removal from this tournament. Not since SOE's unfair reset of the near win on Kerafyrm the Sleeper have I seen such an abuse of power by those that claim to make and follow the rules. This is truly the most shameful day in the history of WOW.com. I said good day!
Arthur Jun 28th 2011 9:25AM
Ozruk knows better than to discount the tiny vial spinning towards him, however tiny and weak as it may seem. He charges the Elementium Bulwark, but before he can begin winding up a Shatter, Vanessa disappears before his eyes. Ozruk is barely able to notice the Defias Blackguard leaping over the railing on the far side of the arena before he feels a hand reach around his head, grabbing his beard.
“I wonder. Do stones have nightmares?” Vanessa whispers before stabbing Ozruk where she would have hit the spine of anyone except an elemental lord. The blade stings and Ozruk can feel a small trickle of poison dripping down his back. Fortunately for him, though, the only effect of the poison seems to be a steady pain, but nothing he can’t shrug off.
“Damn,” Vanessa curses in Ozruk’s ear. The vial she had launched at the start of the match harmlessly bounces off Ozruk’s Bulwark and breaks on the floor with a sound that is consumed by the cracking noise of Ozruk lifting his mighty foot. Vanessa pushes off his back and suddenly appears behind the Defias standing on the far side of the arena. She had thought to be out of range of the Paralyze. She was wrong.
“Damn,” is the only word Vanessa says as she’s frozen in place, knowing the pain that is coming. But though her body is not able to move, her eyes are darting furiously, thinking. Improvising. Plotting.
Ozruk shows no pleasure in his impending victory, feeling only something like the satisfaction of knowing his duty is fulfilled. His hand slowly reaches back before he arcs it down with a speed and force that makes the rafters in the arena quiver. Stone spikes shoot out of the ground towards his frozen opponent. But they are slow and she is far away.
The Defias’s eyes go from wide to clenched shut and then to limp. The Paralyze broke. He falls dead and Vanessa falls to her knees, screaming in pain. Through half open eyes she sees the Shatter in time to set up Deflection. As Ozruk begins a steady march towards her, she shakes off the pain and deftly reaches around her gear, rearranging poisons and daggers. She also gives out a whistle and another Defias Blackguard hops over the railing elsewhere in the arena.
Ready, she pulls out a small dagger and coats it with a poison. She braces herself, seeing that Ozruk is preparing another Paralyze. She cuts herself on the thigh. It’s a shallow cut, but enough to get the poison in her system. If only she could have some of the Deadly Poison other rogues use. Oh well. Ozruk slams with another Paralyze, but after a couple seconds a pain in her thigh breaks her out of it.
Her vision was starting to blur, her own neurotoxin working against her. Ozruk crooks his back as his Spike Shield activates and he waits, trying to read her movements. The second Blackguard falls dead and Vanessa is standing calmly in melee range of Ozruk. Even without any of her abilities, she is easily able to dodge his swings. She throws vials of poison at his face with each sway of her body. They break and clouds of gas start obscuring his vision. Ozruk, were he a lesser contender, would be panicking. He starts winding up a Ground Slam, but again she nimbly leaps out of range. She falters on her wounded leg and he reaches back for a Shatter just as his Spike Shield wears off.
When Ozruk’s fist is in mid fall, Vanessa starts her Deadly Blades, stabbing the giant all across his back with the same sort of poison she used earlier. She knew is wouldn’t cause nightmares, but she needed the radiating pain to hide what she was really doing to him. She lets out another whistle and a Defias Blood Mage leaps over the railing and casts a Rage Field right where Ozruk is standing. Between her growing Vengeance and the crimson Rage Field, Vanessa is doing much more damage with her strikes, but Ozruk still finds himself tough enough to easily take it.
When she is done, she appears directly in front of Ozruk, looking up at him, a smug grin hidden under her mask. He does not wait to see her plan, he begins a Ground Slam. But as his leg comes down she activates her Deflection once more and the stone spikes seem to curve themselves around her. She raises one empty hand.
“Break yourself,” she says before snapping her fingers. The bundles of explosives she has been shoving into the dagger wounds, presence masked by pain, simultaneously light their fuses. There is no time to react before a colossal explosion rocks the entire arena. As the dust settles, chunks of stone litter the floor, and Vanessa walks calmly from the dissipating Rage Field as her Deflection wears off.
She is starting to hallucinate as she addresses Tirion. She sees her father, and, for once, has nothing snarky to say.