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All of the latest Mists of Pandaria newsOfficers' Quarters: Silent revenge
by Scott Andrews 
Jul 4th 2011 at 2:00PM
Guild drama comes in many forms, and it can thrive even after people quit the guild -- with some unpleasant consequences. This week, one officer describes how an angry former member took revenge on the guild with a particularly spiteful act.
Hi Scott,
I've been reading your column on and off for a few months now and I don't know if you've covered this, but my guild is having issues with a former officer (we'll call him X Member) who /gquit of his own accord . . . X Member still has ties to many of the guild members and to some extent he is expecting us to treat him like he is still a guild member (i.e. not hold him to the same expectations that we hold all PUGs when raiding and automatically take him along on both progression raids and fun runs.) When we treat him the same as other PUGs, he takes it out on our guild in vengeful ways.
Last week he wanted to bring his slightly under-geared alt to our weekly run ... We know he knows the raid encounters as he learned the fights with us, but it's not fair to the other PUGs if we bring in someone with that low of an ilvl when we require higher for both PUGs and our own guild members ...Yikes. Normally, in a situation like this, I would suggest some strategies for coming to terms with the player in question and eventually working out an understanding. Rarely are there problems between people online that can't be solved with proper communication and compromise.
We didn't bring his alt and as a result he whispered our raid leader nasty comments and then later that night after our raid he changed the Vent password for our guild's Ventrillo ... He even told us that he did.
Now the player in question has a history of taking things in game way too personally way too quickly ... I'm acquainted with X Member and a lot of his in-game behavior and attitudes stem from issues he has outside of WoW that he can't leave at the login screen, but that's not an excuse for his pre-/gquit behavior. After Cata came out his attitudes seemed to get more and more depraved and were spreading to most of the guild as he was online more than any other player in the guild. Despite all the drama he brought to our guild most everyone in the guild harbors him no ill will, though he treats some of us with contempt ...
Being an officer, I was discussing the situation with an officer and both of us are stumped on how to deal with this former guildie who seems to be bent on taking his vengeance out on our guild. He knows who [our] officers are and what our raid expectations are and could have easily asked any of the officers why he was not taken along ... Also, X Member did not pay for our Vent server, he just has access as a former officer, and us not removing that access was a mistake.
A special case
In this case, however, I would recommend a more forceful approach: Cut all ties with this player.
The moment he maliciously changed your Vent info, he gave you every reason you ever needed to stop taking him on any runs or having any interaction with him at all. He's no longer a member of your guild, so that makes it easy.
The sense of entitlement he still bears since quitting is preposterous. How has he earned special treatment beyond not only what you expect of PUGs but your own members as well? You certainly don't owe him any favors. The fact that he expects this shows just how out of touch with reality he is.
When he was an officer for you, he did passive harm to the guild, slowing poisoning the social environment. And now he is doing active harm. Whatever is going on in his life does not excuse his behavior. He may think it does. He's wrong.
Cutting ties
As soon as possible, inform him that he's no longer welcome in your raids and (if it's even necessary) why. You don't owe him an explanation, but if you have to deal with him when you're trying to put a raid together, it will be a major distraction for you. For your own sake, then, tell him well before your next run.
Then put him on ignore and be done with him. His lack of maturity and self-entitlement issues will only cause further problems for you otherwise. No raider is worth that kind of hassle, particularly one who isn't even a member of your guild anymore.
For everyone else, there's a great lesson here: Change your Vent password when an officer gquits!
/salute
Recently, Officers' Quarters has examined how strong new leadership can create a guild turnaround, the pitfalls of promising more than you can deliver, and lessons learned from Scott's own guild demise. Send your own guild-related questions and suggestions to scott@wowinsider.com.
Filed under: Officers' Quarters (Guild Leadership)
Reader Comments (Page 2 of 3)
Saeadame Jul 4th 2011 2:56PM
"...he just has access as a former officer, and us not removing that access was a mistake."
The letter-writer acknowledges that that was partially their bad.
DonNochay Jul 4th 2011 3:17PM
THIS is something that should be downvoted. Clearly there are a huge amount of people who obsess over the writers here at wow insider.....
Elyonis Jul 4th 2011 3:40PM
DonNochay:
So some people downvoted your post (whether they had reason to or not is more of a subjective opinion) and now you're trying to get other people's posts downrated? That doesn't seem constructive.
DonNochay Jul 4th 2011 6:12PM
And neither does what you posted. "Trying" to get him downvoted was clearly not my intent, but obviously you aren't intelligent enough to pick up on that....
Sinthar Jul 5th 2011 7:00AM
@ DoNochay
1) Not reading and then obviously reading after- makes you look like a dick - DONT DO IT - even if you were just being a noob and trying to get a 'first' post (without actually saying first) - and thats another DONT DO IT.
2) Posting on others posts where they have missed (or not read) the entire post correctly - trying to get them downrated (which is what it appears to be - rather than what I suspect it is - an attempt to say why did I get downrated when this guy has done similarly without being downrated). This makes you look like a frothing at the mouth dick - DONT DO IT
3) Insults are nearly ALWAYS downrated - DONT INSULT EVERYONE. Even implied insults (like your "Clearly there are a huge amount of people who obsess over the writers here at wow insider") are a good way to find all your comments downrated.
Now you are (hopefully) wiser - not happier I know, but hey thats how it happens.
Have a nice day everyone.
Jeff (Not that one ^ ) Jul 4th 2011 2:53PM
I agree with cutting the ties. Change the Vent password, change the website password, change ANY password he knows then throw him on /ignore.
If anyone he is still on good terms with provides the new one to him, MINUS 50 DKP!
Durenas Jul 5th 2011 3:14AM
Also, document all the whisper conversation(the nasty whispers to raid leaders, etc), to make a case for harassment if it should ever get to that point.
Amaxe Jul 4th 2011 3:13PM
Depending on how bad the in game harassment is, reporting him is also an option. WHile I suspect vent is out of their jurisdiction, in game harassment is not supposed to be tolerated.
Sleutel Jul 4th 2011 3:40PM
It makes me sad that some people have so little self esteem that they have to actually be told not to let some jerk walk all over them. Stand up for yourself and your friends, folks.
Dril Jul 4th 2011 3:46PM
Agreed.
I have no idea why people have this issue with potentially offending other people on the internet. If you're pissed of/being victimised...do something. This isn't the real world where they can beat you up. The worst you'll get is a nasty tell, and that, really, is nothing at all.
Adam Hunsicker Jul 4th 2011 6:57PM
Screw the internet, why do people insist on walking on eggshells IRL? People are so careful about what they say so as to not offend anybody that it's really starting to be offensive in and of itself.
Sleutel Jul 4th 2011 7:48PM
@Adam Hunsicker:
I think the problem is that a lot of people get the mistaken idea that being polite means saying yes to everything. To quote the fabulous Miss Manners:
"Mindful of etiquette's injunction to please others, nice people have trouble saying no. This is a good way to get a bad reputation. [...]
"It is etiquette itself that has a bad reputation, stemming from the mistaken belief it requires a perpetual sacrifice of one's own wishes and judgment in favor of others'. As the naive invariably put it, 'Isn't etiquette always a matter of making other people feel comfortable?' This would make politeness an activity exclusively for suckers and wimps. And, of course, sluts.
"In fact, etiquette has no such requirement. The mistake arises from the fact that it does recognize that one has duties to others [...] And it does require being polite to others, even when they are no role models themselves.
"But that is a far cry from declaring that courtesy means taking everybody else's orders. And orders are constantly being issued, now that reticence and modesty are no longer considered the virtues they once were."
Sylv Jul 4th 2011 3:47PM
Sounds eerily like a guy in my guild, though unfortunately for everyone involved his gquit tantrums were always overlooked and he was invited back. It is unfortunate that players like this get such a firm hold on our leisure time that they can ruin it. I agree entirely with Scott in that you should cut all tied with him immediately and irrevocably. In the case of my guildmate, a crappy home life and a mental disorder (real or imagined, I don't know) are used as means to excuse and even gloss over his poor behavior, and I hope you don't find yourself in my position where the bad people are kept around out of pity or some equally thin excuse as to why they should be forgiven and kept around.
Xantenise Jul 5th 2011 4:29AM
As someone with mental illness:
Mental illness sucks. It influences us to act ways we shouldn't, or it wouldn't be mental illness.
But that does not mean we have a free pass to act like an ass.
It makes me cringe when people use it as an excuse for their behaviour. I've been an ass before when my illnesses gave me bad days, but in the end it's up for me to fight my battles -- not everyone else around me. Just because I'm ill doesn't mean I should make everyone around me feel like crap.
/soapbox
poggg Jul 5th 2011 6:25AM
Xantenise, I know your pain. I have Asperger's Syndrome, which is pretty much THE go-to excuse for acting like a jerkass on the internet. It's disgusting, and doesn't excuse that behavior, doubly so when the majority of people who claim they have it are self-diagnosed and may not have it at all. And then, due to all the people using it as an excuse, you get negative reactions if the fact you have it as well comes up, regardless of context. It's just a mess.
Adam Hunsicker Jul 4th 2011 6:57PM
"DonNochay Jul 4th 2011 2:15PM"
:DonNochay Jul 4th 2011 6:12PM"
Almost 4 hours later? Butthurt much?
Mikelish Jul 5th 2011 3:59AM
The sad thing is, he sounds so deluded that even now he will be sure he has said nothing wrong.
The Giant Jul 5th 2011 12:55PM
I wouldn't worry too much about him. Leave him to his sorry existence, and when someone releases his contact info we can gather to egg his house :D
Lost Sul Jul 4th 2011 8:24PM
@DonNochay
If you'd left out the jab at Scott, your first post would have been fine. When you decided to include that sentence, you were making a conscious decision to start some shit. The problem is that while the internet is a forum where people can be confrontational in complete anonymity behind a screen and keyboard, more often than not, anonymous assholes can't take what they dish. The worst part is you're not even a good troll. Real trolls don't cry.
calaban.alleria Jul 4th 2011 11:57PM
I suggest - ditch the vent server and get yourself a mumble server for about $60/yr.
That way in addition to better latency you get "certificate based security"
==> No one can even give him the password