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Breakfast Topic: Why can't my night elf have red hair?

We need to get serious for a minute here. I've been quiet about a lot of issues that World of Warcraft and Cataclysm have brought to light over the six-plus months that the expansion has been rolling. I've turned a blind eye to many aspects of the game that have bothered and bugged me, from disconnects to warrior rage issues. With the Firelands and tier 12 armor sets, an issue has surfaced that I can no longer stay silent about and has sent me into a spiral of hate-fueled rants to my guildmates as well as sleepless nights over how I am going to cope with this looming curse.

My night elf cannot have red hair.

Let me explain why this is such a frigging big deal to me and all night elves across Azeroth. As a protection warrior, I need to not only bring my A-game when fighting the nastiest creatures that Ragnaros and the Firelands can throw at me, I have to look good doing it. As a main tank, my raid team and guild look to me for guidance, safety, and momentum. How, Blizzard, can I effectively be that focal point of magnanimous support and a pillar of raid success when my beautiful new tier armor can never match my hair? How am I supposed to lead gracefully and with assertion when I have to see a pale blue or (god forbid) purple-hued color atop my unhelmeted head?

The night elves have been the victims of an outrageous number of atrocities in Cataclysm, from the burning of Ashenvale forest to subjugation by the whispers of old gods in Darkshore. Night elves have been slaughtered at the front lines of Hyjal, on the Molten Front, and on Ragnaros' doorstep. Are you telling me that we proud warriors, we few honorable kaldorei who remain on Azeroth, cannot go into battle with our Elune-given right to red hair?

Surely the amount of time night elves have spent with the humans and dwarves has allowed them to glean the secrets of hair dyes. The dwarves have been using Gnomish Grey-Away 9000 for years to cover up their graying beards, receding hairlines, and empty scalps. You tend to turn a little vain when everyone can see the top of your head. Why is this technology not available to the night elves to make our hair crimson?

Maybe this is punishment for the night elves' constant tinkering with forces well beyond their scope and power. Could the inability to don a scarlet do be part of the night elven original sin -- the Well of Eternity's beckoning the Legion's attention and drawing them onto Azerothian shores? Is this our punishment for being at the beginning and the end of practically every major screw-up in the history of WoW?

The time for change is now. No time is better than after the shattering has torn the world asunder. It is time for the night elves to pick up the pieces of their civilization, clench their passions into a fist of change, and demand from Elune the ability to have red hair. The time of the night elves has returned.

No, seriously, my hair can't match my warrior tier 12 armor sets. Can I please have red hair on my night elf?

What other little oddities are out there in WoW that you'd like to have changed? Is your race missing red hair? What do you think about this injustice?

Filed under: Breakfast Topics

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