Breakfast Topic: When RL Jekylls go in-game Hyde
by Andrew Ross 
Jul 21st 2011 at 8:00AM
We've all had that friend -- the real-world model citizen who ninja loots a purple and gets gkicked from your guild, leaving you to deal with your game community while trying to find out what came over your RL buddy.
I was in a similar situation many years ago. A friend of mine joined our raiding guild. He was a nice guy, but in game, he frequently taunted others, even on Vent. He openly told others to ignore the guild leader's wife during raids because she wasn't the raid leader (though she was a class lead and usually ended up leading the raid when the guild leader was dealing with loot). When I tried telling him that his actions didn't seem like him and that he was doing things that undermined our guild structure, he simply said, "It's a game. These people aren't real."
Suffice to say, I don't play with him any more, but I also don't talk to him in real life anymore. He was kicked from the guild, and then he and asked me to leave. I told him that while he was a good friend in real life, I felt that the way he acted in game didn't match up to who I saw him as, and I told him I'd like to keep our friendship based in reality. Didn't hear much from him after that.
Have you had a friend who turned into an online jerk? What happened? Were you able to save the friendship, or did in-game drama lead to real-world problems?
Filed under: Breakfast Topics, Guest Posts
Reader Comments (Page 1 of 4)
Dan Jul 21st 2011 8:10AM
I had a friend I knew since middle school (for 8 years; we're in our mid 20s now) like that who was kind of like that in real life, but I didn't realize how surprisingly cruel he could be until we started playing WoW together. I always had to defend his inappropriate behavior - using tricks of the trade on the healer, typhooning mobs in instances as a boomkin....the list goes on - to others after he got kicked from groups (I was always a healer or tank and he was always a DPS), not to mention his endless trolling on general/trade, while he always used the same justification the author's friend did: "It's just a game; these people aren't real."
It took me a while, but eventually I realized, in part because of his behavior in-game and also from making better friends IRL that he was a very disrespectful person all around. Eventually I got enough self-confidence to tell him I had to move on...which was actually only about about a month ago. I miss the fun times I had with him sometimes, but I just couldn't endorse his behavior and realized I could do better.
Eirik Jul 22nd 2011 7:10PM
"these people aren't real"
This indicates an empathic failure. From that, perhaps a belief that no consequences will ensue.
While Gabrial's Greater Internet Fuckwad Theory applies to the WoW aspect of it, you indicated that it applies in RL as well. "I'm the only real person in the world. I will do whatever I can get away with."
Udderpowered Jul 21st 2011 8:10AM
I had a couple of people I knew IRL (thankfully not in my guild) that would lie to get recipe drops and kick people from pugs to make room for me (they would say that there was a spare slot to get me to join ¬.¬), idk what came over them to do that, but it was very awkward to be around.
Thankfully I've switched realms and they've stopped playing, it's put me off playing MMO's with people I know IRL, too much to potentially go bad with no real way out of it without either losing a friend or becoming known as an arsehole in the game.
niko Jul 21st 2011 8:11AM
I think it's actually more likely that the reverse will be true... many of the people I've met in my travels are great in-game, but after finding out their true selves IRL, have been less than impressed.
BTW all you peeps out there: We're ALL real. Not just pixels, and not just people IRL. BOTH.
Gendou Jul 21st 2011 8:11AM
I've often wondered about those people who use the "It's just a game, they aren't real" excuse. I've seen people on forums or in trade chat repeat that phrase, but I've (fortunately) never run into one in my guild. It seems like a rather sociopathic response to dealing with others in an online environment, even given the anonymity of the internet.
Mortenebra Jul 21st 2011 8:34AM
I've gotta agree with you there... The "It's just a game" attitude is only okay to the extent of, say, loot: you lost the roll on a drop, which sucks, but it doesn't mean you get to go off on a tirade about it. The unfortunate thing is that people will twist all of that around to somehow benefit themselves. I've had someone once say, "Well, if it's 'just a game' and 'it's just loot,' then why are you so mad that I ninjaed [insert loot name]?!"
It's just baffling and kinda makes me sad. If we get the occasional a-hole in the guild (because there's only so much that an application can show you), we quickly suggest that the person move on or, in dire situations, kick them.
SR Jul 21st 2011 9:21AM
"It's just a game, chill out" excuse is often used for their incompetence, really. In RDF, if I were to point out obvious flaws in their playstyle (Usually hunters not using Steady Shot or Explosive Shot or Black Arrow. Yes. I've checked for their appropriate specs.), I would get criticized by the player (who says it's his game so he should play however he wants) and the group members (who also says it's his game so he should play however he wants, AND says that we won't see him again). Little do they know that these people hit max-level and end up populating the RDF for heroics and ZA/ZG...
Not to mention, the less optimal a player is, the longer people will have to waste time trying to clear content; this is true in all cases. While I don't expect RDF PuGs to be executing their roles perfectly, I expect some sort of basic understanding and fundamental concern/care for their characters. As we've been saying, this isn't a single-player game; It's an MMO. They're effectively screwing everyone else but themselves simply because they're lazy.
Harvoc Jul 21st 2011 9:43AM
@ SR
I once had a blood death knight tank in my group for Zul'Gurub and my addon RaidChecklist showed me that our group was missing the physical damage reduction debuff, which can be provided by all four tanking specs. I told the group that I was going to go switch out my pets to provide the debuff that the tank didn't spec into. Then the tank goes "Cool story, but why am I supposed to care?" or something along those lines. Her attitude struck me and I explained because that talent is important for your tanking role and that since you didn't have it, I would bring it. Then she starts insulting me and I vote to kick her for her attitude, apparent ineptitude at understanding her talents, and her refusal to admit that she had done anything wrong by insulting me. The vote kick fails. Luckily, we wipe on Venoxis and she leaves on the first wipe. The rest of the run was uneventful (though as always, it seemed we switched people every trash pack). Usually, when I help someone out by pointing out their mistake and offering to help them correct it, I get thanked. Not that time...
SR Jul 21st 2011 9:49AM
I've yet to be thanked while on the leveling RDF, and on occasion for ZG/ZA. It's funny, really... The people like that leveling are going "LOL THIS IS EZ I DUN HAVE TO REED TOOLTIPZ CUZ IT HARD" and hit 85, only to realize the pinnacle of RDF (ZA/ZG) still requires some brain functions. "OH DAMMIT I GOTTA PAY ATTENSHUN NOW DIS GAEM IZ HURD!"
It doesn't help that these people are also quite vocal for "suggestions". I really don't want to label them as casuals, either, since that usually involves intelligent people that just doesn't have the time for this game... What's a good, demeaning name for these types?
wutsconflag Jul 21st 2011 12:48PM
You run into this a LOT more in Eve Online, but it's prevalent throughout the Internet. It comes from the "anonymity" (I quote it because it isn't real - someone, somewhere knows who you are) of the Internet. For example:
a) The person who logs on and is a complete and total d*ck to everyone they interact with.
b) The person who scams, cheats, lies and steals from everyone.
c) The person who corpse camps you for hours because they know you are screaming in rage behind your screen.
Each and every one of these people will (usually) defend their actions by saying, "It's just a game! This isn't who I am IRL," as if that's some justification. Do I think that they actually lie, cheat, steal or corpsecamp people IRL? Maybe, maybe not. I do believe, however, that it's a direct reflection upon their RL personality, and maybe a game is the only [legal] way they can vent those impulses.
(I'd point out here the distinction between this, and of playing a character that goes around killing things as part of the game. For example, a player in BGs isn't necessarily a closet psychopath - though it's hard to tell sometimes based on the vitriol spewed in BG chat.)
SR Jul 21st 2011 1:04PM
Well, PVPing is a lot like playing a competitive sport, because you know that the other person isn't going to... you know, die. And be dead. For ever.
You can't relate stealing to real-life as anything else though. And the only stealing I'll do is in Fallout... And even then I don't steal from the elderly or the unfortunate. That's a case where you're REALLY playing with NPCs.
MMOs, though? I'm not scumbaggy enough to fuck over others.
Ragen Jul 21st 2011 2:31PM
@ SR
I do have to point out man that while you have quite a few points; you seem to have a very nasty habit that is considered a pet peeve among some people: Backseat driving.
I would consider toning back the help offered to people LFD and only offering it to people who genuinely ask for assistance. I, as a player, will take things in stride if someone tells me a way to improve my character, as long as it's friendly, helpful, and insightful.
As much as some people need help, just like in the real world it's better to ignore it and move on. Unless of course, as in the example Harvoc provided, the thing is noticeably harming the group.
Otherwise man, I agree with your points.
PS. The name we use on Kul Tiras is "Wrath babies". We, however, do have exceptions of people who started in Wrath who do not share their vileness. We call them "mature".
DeathPaladin Jul 21st 2011 2:56PM
The way I see it, the attitudes a person consistently displays in-game is a more accurate reflection of who they are than how they act in real life. The perceived anonymity of the internet is a good way of seeing how some people act when the restraints placed upon them by society are removed.
Character is what you are in the dark.
shadcroly Jul 21st 2011 3:01PM
My parents, wonderful, kind, educated people that they are, use the term “Internet Friends” which, after thinking about it and looking back on how they’ve acted towards the topic, I think is just their dolled up way of saying the exact same thing.
Fletcher Jul 21st 2011 4:40PM
Look up the "Ring of Gyges"; GIFT is older than you know!
I think the "It's only a game, these people aren't real" drool is a flaw in the theory of mind (in short - empathy is based on being able to extrapolate other peoples' emotions and reactions based on your own. An incapacity to do so is profoundly autistic. Unfortunately, we are jumped-up monkeys and if people are out of sight, they're out of mind - we didn't evolve for text communications on the Internet).
More accurate facial modeling might help; if we can jump over the uncanny valley in avatar design, the more egregiously psychologically flawed among us might be better able to relate to their peers.
Zanathos Jul 21st 2011 7:16PM
"It's just a game" is simply a poorly thought out excuse that's repeated because it sounds persuasive to the simpletons who parrot it. It's a popular excuse because it's a popular excuse, as it were.
If you're playing poker with your friends and you run around the table peaking at cards, knock the discards on the floor, and take a dump on the table, no one's going to be impressed if you tell them "relax, it's just a game".
7Seti Jul 22nd 2011 12:26AM
@SR: "What's a good, demeaning name for these types?"
What you've got there is a classic noob. Someone who has played the game long enough that they should know their class, but is too stupid or stubborn to learn. Not to be confused with "newb", someone who is genuinely inexperienced and actively learning.
It's easy to tell the difference. Newbs will welcome useful advice, but noobs will respond with "Don't tell me how to play, you &$@*#" or some variation thereof.
Vlad4ever Jul 21st 2011 8:15AM
People need to realise that behind the screen there ARE real people.
On topic, yes I have had a friend like that. I was GM and he was abusing his officer powers. "Just because we are friends and you get an easy promotion does not mean you can do anything" I said and he said "lol dude it's a game I will probably never meet these people iRL". I kicked him and never saw him in game or iRL.
SR Jul 21st 2011 3:05PM
I'm still confused on how some people can confuse MMO players as not qualified as real people.
Nina Katarina Jul 21st 2011 8:15AM
That hasn't happened to me yet. I guess my real life friends are older and more mature than the average trade chat pug. Makes me feel obscurely proud for being wise enough to pick decent people to befriend.