Arcane Brilliance: Magery within the Firelands

Oh, hai thar! As the master of infiltration, I think everyone saw this post coming. By this point in time, is there a single column that I haven't managed to take over? I really don't understand why people resist it; I should just be the writer for WoW Insider. The rest of the staff is pretty much superfluous at this point. Well, maybe we can keep them around as interns to fetch me coffee and deal with trolls.
I swear, though, this isn't my warlock side that's taken over. No, no, we're a bit more sensible than that here; the editors would never let a warlock write the mage column. Instead, it's the balance druid part of me who joins you today, spewing out your mystical tidbits. Honest, they made me swear an oath and everything. What they didn't count on is that my balance side is rather bitter towards mages and their Focus Magic swapping; warlocks are awesome enough to give me Dark Intent. Also, mages kind of blew up the Well of Eternity thing, and that's not cool.
Let's begin today's lesson, class!
Editors Note: Warning! A moonkin's attempt at bitter comedy ahead!
Tip 1: How to accept an invitation
In order to get into a Firelands raid, the first step is always going to be the raid invite. If you accept it, then you're already doing it wrong. At any given opportunity, you should attempt to decline raid invites and ask that a replacement be found for you instead; bonus points if you suggest that the replacement in question not be a shadow priest.
Let's just face the facts, people: You're mages. Your existence isn't really needed beyond the moderate amount of convenience that you provide for people. You give us food, you teleport us places, you wash our cars and talk to annoying telemarketers; you don't, however, actually get to raid with us. It'd be like inviting the help out to a five-star restaurant with you. It simply isn't done.
Stick to the things you're good at. Take your invite, drop a Refreshment Table, then bow out. Oh, and port my alt from Silvermoon to Org, thanks.
Tip 2: Don't allow yourself to become a burden
If, for some unknown reason, a more suitable replacement can't be found for you and you must raid with a group, then make sure that you're at least going to do it right. Ask your vastly more knowledgeable warlock or druid superiors to explain the encounter mechanics to you in the bite-sized words that you'll be able to understand. I know that reading is a challenge that most mages haven't quite overcome yet, so request that they use a VoIP program such as Ventrilo or Mumble when explaining things to you.
Once you know what to do, actually do it. I know that it can be difficult to following the basic instructions of Don't stand in the fire again!, but you really need to stop dragging the raid down. They're already setting themselves back enough by taking you along with them as it is; don't make matters worse for them by ruining it. Further, make sure that you ask for clarification on any instructions that you don't understand. Raid bosses can be tricky for a mage's addled mind; you might need things repeated, possibly multiple times.
Tip 3: Gaining loot
Any raid that takes you in is being generous enough with their time, don't continually push your luck by asking that they actually give you gear as well. Other classes are going to get more use of out those items than you would as a mage, so it's really just in everyone's best interests that you pass off any loot to others before taking any for yourself. In fact, you may always pass a few items over to be disenchanted as well. Enchanting isn't cheap and requires a large number of Maelstrom Crystals. You wouldn't want for a kind guild mate to go without an enchant just because you had to be greedy and ask for the item, would you?
Tip 4: Fulfill your role
Always remember that the real reason anyone brings a mage along for the ride within a raid is to make everyone else in that raid feel better about themselves. No one likes to be the foppish tagalong who really doesn't belong with the rest of the cool kids but is brought along anyway because the others need to save face or look like they care about those less fortunate. You are that person.
Sure, you might not be the best. You might often be passed over for the more complicated aspects of an encounter because they require abilities that you simply don't have. But no one can take away from you the fact that you are the proverbial comic relief. Merely existing in the raid already makes everyone else feel 20 times better about themselves. You're a superstar, champ, and don't let anyone else tell you differently.
Tip 5: Know humility
Never let your position within a raid go to your head. While mages certainly don't suffer from the same alluring ego draw that most other classes are subjected to, the mere fact that you are hanging with the popular kids could just as easily cause you to fall into temptation. It might be easy to let go of yourself and give in to the draw, to lord your elevated status above other, less important mages, but humility is the sign of an inherently good person. When you really don't have much else, you kind of want to be a good person.
Remember, your position is a gift; there are plenty of other mages who would gladly lick the raid's metaphorical bootstraps in order to fill in on your slot. If you don't want this to happen, then make sure you do what every good mage does, and show your gracious appreciation for being allowed to join in on the reindeer games.
Filed under: Mage, (Mage) Arcane Brilliance






Reader Comments (Page 1 of 5)
Black08Mustang Jul 23rd 2011 9:11PM
Worst. AB. EVER!
Christian Belt Jul 24th 2011 7:47AM
Everybody relax. I'm fine, no family deaths, no virulent diseases, no tragic accidents, no warlock assassins. I just got incredibly busy with my day job this week and needed a substitute. I'm very thankful Tyler was willing to step up and pinch hit for me at the last second. And the way I bash on warlocks every week (and will continue to do so until they stop letting me write columns here, and even then, I'll probably just reapply under a pseudonym), I am more than willing to allow for a modicum of tasteful mage-bashing in response. This is the price we pay for being so unapologetically awesome, people. It's lonely at the top.
I'll be back next week, barring an act of God. I'll try not to suck.
Hamaly Jul 24th 2011 1:47PM
lovely, we got a troll...
Sinthar Jul 25th 2011 6:14AM
I have to agree - worst AB ever.
This is the first I could not stand to read. Useless in every way and put in a manner that - to be frank - is insulting - this means I wont bother to read articles by that author again.
Sinthar Jul 25th 2011 6:14AM
@ Christian Belt
" I am more than willing to allow for a modicum of tasteful mage-bashing"
This was NOT 'tasteful'. Your warlock bashing is generally amusing - to both warlocks and mages - in the nature of friendly rivalry. This was condecending and directly insulting.
Guillin Jul 25th 2011 10:09AM
Christian, even if you are being attacked by massive chickens of doom with lazy beams on their heads, don't let this guy write for your column again. It was atrocious, easily the worst AB I've ever read.
Unknown Jul 23rd 2011 9:14PM
Well done, sir. Glad to see someone willing to tell it like it is. TRUTH^
Eccentrica Jul 23rd 2011 9:16PM
I can't wait to see the next Warlock column by Archmage Pants. I chortle with delightful anticipation.
Gobuywow Jul 23rd 2011 9:47PM
Me too :) I also looking for the guide for hunter :)
Threi Jul 23rd 2011 9:20PM
Boooo! *throws rotten produce*
Stony Steve Lemon Jul 23rd 2011 9:21PM
I generally only play a mage, so I don't often read the other class columns. When the usual writer can't submit their article for the week (which seems to be happening a lot with Pants these days) do the other classes get content of this... calibre? I might have missed something, but at what point was any of that piece useful?
Crispn Jul 23rd 2011 9:25PM
Genius.
Irene Lew Jul 23rd 2011 9:27PM
Hey, yeah, wow, where IS our regular columnist? It strikes me that it's been a while. Did the writer leave? :( He was good!
andrew.steier Jul 23rd 2011 9:41PM
he wasn't informative, tho. just funny.
Alex Ziebart Jul 23rd 2011 9:47PM
He did not leave. We just needed a last minute fill-in this week and the warlocks have, historically, commandeered this columns for their nefarious plots whenever the opportunity arises.
Reanne Jul 23rd 2011 11:46PM
A army of warlocks knocked on his doorstep so he had to deal with them...while he was sucessful -of course I mean their warlocks!-he didn't have the time to right the amazing in-depth funny column that he usually writes...So, he had one of his prisoners write..(he wasn't allowed to kill Tyler Caraway)
Arrohon Jul 23rd 2011 9:34PM
Which columns haven't you taken over yet? Shadow priest for one.
Fox Van Allen Jul 24th 2011 9:53PM
And he never will. >:|
Noselacri Jul 23rd 2011 9:30PM
I just got trolled by Van Allen's pool boy.
Y U NO ARCHMAGE PANTS?
Kole Jul 23rd 2011 9:50PM
Yeah Fox...WTF?!? Time to fire the poolboy!! See if I FM any Spriests from now on....think I'd rather FM the Pally healer.....hmmph! :P