Arcane Brilliance: Magery within the Firelands

Oh, hai thar! As the master of infiltration, I think everyone saw this post coming. By this point in time, is there a single column that I haven't managed to take over? I really don't understand why people resist it; I should just be the writer for WoW Insider. The rest of the staff is pretty much superfluous at this point. Well, maybe we can keep them around as interns to fetch me coffee and deal with trolls.
I swear, though, this isn't my warlock side that's taken over. No, no, we're a bit more sensible than that here; the editors would never let a warlock write the mage column. Instead, it's the balance druid part of me who joins you today, spewing out your mystical tidbits. Honest, they made me swear an oath and everything. What they didn't count on is that my balance side is rather bitter towards mages and their Focus Magic swapping; warlocks are awesome enough to give me Dark Intent. Also, mages kind of blew up the Well of Eternity thing, and that's not cool.
Let's begin today's lesson, class!
Editors Note: Warning! A moonkin's attempt at bitter comedy ahead!
Tip 1: How to accept an invitation
In order to get into a Firelands raid, the first step is always going to be the raid invite. If you accept it, then you're already doing it wrong. At any given opportunity, you should attempt to decline raid invites and ask that a replacement be found for you instead; bonus points if you suggest that the replacement in question not be a shadow priest.
Let's just face the facts, people: You're mages. Your existence isn't really needed beyond the moderate amount of convenience that you provide for people. You give us food, you teleport us places, you wash our cars and talk to annoying telemarketers; you don't, however, actually get to raid with us. It'd be like inviting the help out to a five-star restaurant with you. It simply isn't done.
Stick to the things you're good at. Take your invite, drop a Refreshment Table, then bow out. Oh, and port my alt from Silvermoon to Org, thanks.
Tip 2: Don't allow yourself to become a burden
If, for some unknown reason, a more suitable replacement can't be found for you and you must raid with a group, then make sure that you're at least going to do it right. Ask your vastly more knowledgeable warlock or druid superiors to explain the encounter mechanics to you in the bite-sized words that you'll be able to understand. I know that reading is a challenge that most mages haven't quite overcome yet, so request that they use a VoIP program such as Ventrilo or Mumble when explaining things to you.
Once you know what to do, actually do it. I know that it can be difficult to following the basic instructions of Don't stand in the fire again!, but you really need to stop dragging the raid down. They're already setting themselves back enough by taking you along with them as it is; don't make matters worse for them by ruining it. Further, make sure that you ask for clarification on any instructions that you don't understand. Raid bosses can be tricky for a mage's addled mind; you might need things repeated, possibly multiple times.
Tip 3: Gaining loot
Any raid that takes you in is being generous enough with their time, don't continually push your luck by asking that they actually give you gear as well. Other classes are going to get more use of out those items than you would as a mage, so it's really just in everyone's best interests that you pass off any loot to others before taking any for yourself. In fact, you may always pass a few items over to be disenchanted as well. Enchanting isn't cheap and requires a large number of Maelstrom Crystals. You wouldn't want for a kind guild mate to go without an enchant just because you had to be greedy and ask for the item, would you?
Tip 4: Fulfill your role
Always remember that the real reason anyone brings a mage along for the ride within a raid is to make everyone else in that raid feel better about themselves. No one likes to be the foppish tagalong who really doesn't belong with the rest of the cool kids but is brought along anyway because the others need to save face or look like they care about those less fortunate. You are that person.
Sure, you might not be the best. You might often be passed over for the more complicated aspects of an encounter because they require abilities that you simply don't have. But no one can take away from you the fact that you are the proverbial comic relief. Merely existing in the raid already makes everyone else feel 20 times better about themselves. You're a superstar, champ, and don't let anyone else tell you differently.
Tip 5: Know humility
Never let your position within a raid go to your head. While mages certainly don't suffer from the same alluring ego draw that most other classes are subjected to, the mere fact that you are hanging with the popular kids could just as easily cause you to fall into temptation. It might be easy to let go of yourself and give in to the draw, to lord your elevated status above other, less important mages, but humility is the sign of an inherently good person. When you really don't have much else, you kind of want to be a good person.
Remember, your position is a gift; there are plenty of other mages who would gladly lick the raid's metaphorical bootstraps in order to fill in on your slot. If you don't want this to happen, then make sure you do what every good mage does, and show your gracious appreciation for being allowed to join in on the reindeer games.
Filed under: Mage, (Mage) Arcane Brilliance
Patch 5.3 interview with Ghostcrawler
Mystery of the Unborn Val'kyr
The latest patch 5.3 news
All of the latest Mists of Pandaria news





Reader Comments (Page 3 of 5)
Al Jul 24th 2011 6:22AM
To his credit, he did more than trot out jokes from 2008 (changing "Sunwell" to "Firelands").
He proved that something is not always better than nothing.
Scott Jul 23rd 2011 10:51PM
Amazing that people would use this guest article as opportunity to complain that the most popular writer on WoW Insider has a lame weekly article. If you can do a better job of providing mage-centric edutainment, perhaps you should submit an article for next week? Otherwise, buzz off and enjoy the return of Archmage Pants "soon" (tm). I shall be looking forward to the response article .
kreighund Jul 24th 2011 12:12AM
Indeed... I love how the trolls almost certainly have zero aptitude at that which they deride...
Al Jul 24th 2011 12:34AM
Yeah... because players smart and articulant to write a column would be looking at a basic guide?
The nerve of people expecting a Class guide to have actual information.
Jonisjalopy Jul 23rd 2011 11:10PM
Well played, Caraway. Well played.
Eisen Jul 23rd 2011 11:15PM
Will AB have anything useful for mages in the near future or should I just expect it to be "parody" and "satire" at best or half-assed nonsense at worse from now on?
Prelimar Jul 23rd 2011 11:15PM
i just hope that Archmage Pants is ok. i won't take potshots at someone doing him a solid and filling in.
WoWie Zowie Jul 23rd 2011 11:16PM
this is what i would imagine a conversation between draco malfoy and a muggle would be like.
matthew Jul 24th 2011 12:57AM
touche my friend touche :)
Tyler Caraway Jul 24th 2011 6:08PM
Draco Malfoy is my hero and favorite character in those books. Plus, if I were to be a wizard, I would be him. Well, him or that Shamus or whatever his name was that was also an arrogant little git but sometimes came around to the good guy side.
jon1799 Jul 23rd 2011 11:20PM
Agree, worst AB ever, what is going on with this column? I say we STRIKE.
Lolz Jul 24th 2011 12:19AM
As a warlock i aprove this article.
Noselacri Jul 24th 2011 1:36AM
As a mage, I disapprove of your typical warlockian grammar. ;)
Bee Jul 24th 2011 1:38AM
Warlocks are just mages in a bad mood. True Fact.
Fletcher Jul 24th 2011 2:15AM
Point number one there reminds me of horror stories I've heard of the Sunwell days ... mages being invited to raids for their strudel, and then promptly kicked.
Chance Jul 24th 2011 2:27AM
I heard Tyler wrote an AB article and just had to read it and am glad I did so. Finally someone willing to step up and tell these wannabe caster DPSers how much they hold back the raids by not following simple raid mechanics. Oh how I hate it when my group will mark Rageface with a skull only to see the mage blasting his 2 button rotation away on Shannox. I used to cry when we had to fill the extra dps slot with a mage in my ICC runs, only to have to turn heroic mode off for DBS because the mage couldn't comprehend how to switch targets to the dogs when they spawned.
In all seriousness though this gave me a good chuckle. I may be a warlock but one of my best buds is a mage, and although he can be a bit slow he eventually gets things right... in time... ok maybe we just pick up his slack but we all love him anyway because... well.. nobody else will I mean come on, he's a mage. :/
Myth Jul 24th 2011 11:10AM
You are, of course, completely wrong in every way, but you made me giggle which was more than the article did.
crystallinegirl Jul 24th 2011 3:09AM
....I couldn't even finish reading this crap. Seriously, if you're going to poke fun at mages, at least be funny. This honestly came off as "You all are crap stop playing mages you suck" and that's not what I read AB for. If it had actually SOUNDED sarcastic, that might have been different, but really? No, this sucked. Someone call me when we get an author back who actually has something worthwhile to say.
...and to think I thought I was actually going to get tips on the Firelands.
Forward Jul 24th 2011 4:27AM
Jeez what's with the negative comments. It's just a giggle and an amusing diversion for most of us. if you troll-hounds can't appreciate a little dig at your class then you need to lighten up. I'm sure the Mage columnist will get swift revenge for this as soon as he's able to. Here's to getting people to lighten up a bit.
P.S. that'll be 20 gold to port your alt to Oggy, dude!
WaterRouge Jul 24th 2011 5:29AM
So I read through the whole article before looking at the comments (wanted my own opinion on these kinds of topics) and I'm left here wondering why?
I get that Archmage Pants is probably really busy and thus needed a replacement (something the warlock writer always got to do) but this was just ridiculous. If someone were to take over the Balance column for a week would you, Tyler, want someone spending more than 2,000 just insulting your readers?
I completely understand that this was supposed to all be sarcasm and a joke but really all you did was make me regret reading this.
The first section was just going off a long-running joke (vending machine/portal junkie) and was thus unoriginal and tiring. The second section was completely devoid of anything mage-specific (except a warlock hating on a mage) and was simply a sarcastic insult. If someone said all that to you playing any game would you really laugh at it?
"Tip 4: ...No one likes to be the foppish tag-a-long whom really doesn't belong with the rest of the cool kids but is brought along anyway because the others need to save face a look like the care about those less fortunate. You are that person." "...Merely existing in the raid already makes everyone else feel twenty times better about themselves. You're a super star, champ, and don't let anyone else tell you differently."
Oh, great. Glad I got my daily dosage of pointless bully-talk from this. Sarcasm is hard to translate over the internet but even though I can tell this was indeed sarcasm it still hurt to have this said to me.
In comparison to the other "troll" article posted by the warlock columnist in Arcane Brilliance this wasn't even close in any aspect. A worthy read? Only if you enjoy someone sarcastically belittling you. A funny joke? Only if having a real life face of ":l" is what comedians strive for. Original content? Turning the mage class into the imp talent tree vs being told your only worth comes in portals and mage tables.
If it wasn't obvious by now I'll just say that I am really disappointed in both Tyler C for thinking this would be a funny addition to Arcane Brilliance and for the WoW Insider editing staff for allowing this. I would have much rather preferred no article for mages this week than what was given. I can't say this was the worse AB ever because I definitely haven't been reading WoW Insider that long but I wouldn't be surprised if it was. I'm not about to rage or cry myself to sleep and swear to never read WoW Insider again but I will leave the site fearful of might be waiting for me after the break.