I agree with your sentiment about self-examination re: playtime etc., but I think most people have wiped a group on a progression fight. Unless you're on wipe # 23456, chances are that you're still getting the mechanics down as a group. So long as it's not the 12th instance of the same mistake, by the same person, complaining and blame gaming is counter productive.

Wrath trained us all to be much less fault tolerant. Towards the end you could bang out 5 heroics in an hour and a half, then pile into ICC, on your 4th alt, with a PuG, and roll up (at least) the first half of it without breaking a sweat, raiding became a game you couldn't lose. Mostly you ran out of time, or got bored, and that's when you stopped.

That state of affairs lasted quite a while, and now the pendulum has swung back, somewhat. The raiding game has simultaneously become more difficult and more accessible than ever. The patience we lost in Wrath hasn't quite returned to us, and expectations are higher than ever. It's a no-win for a guys like Hurt.

Regarding something LynMars said above; good back-ups are a fabulous thing to have, and hard to come by. It's what I do. I told my guildies right up front that my time was kind of limited, and that as much as I'd like to make every night I simply can't. I struck deal whereby I always, always, always, am available when I say I am, and I sit if the entire regular group shows. I think I sat out once, maybe. It's likely easier for me to do that as a DPS, I went Shadow for Cata after healing since BC, but it may be an option for Hurt.