I don't know if the letter writer is American; I just like the song. We normally edit our letters a little for clarity, but the way this one is written is important to this week's topic.
hello I'm a tank in turmoil
I'm a main tank for a small social, levelling guild we recently got teamspeak so we could progress through content at a faster pace, my problem is this I'm not the most aged player in my group and Ive not quiet hit the point in my life were my voice doesn't so sound young, i the main tank for my guild any they rely heavily on me, my guild leader is my best in game friend and i don't want to ruin my friendship with him but when he finds out I'm a minor it will ruin our friendship and il be laugh out of my guild. i have had 2 sever transfers because of this problem which has been really annoying and i don't want to leave my guild because i grown attached to them. want should i do?
sincerely tank in turmoil
Drama Mama Robin: Tank, we talk about age a lot here on WoW Insider -- in Drama Mamas specifically, and elsewhere. In fact, our very first column dealt with age and the issues it can cause.
I am going to make two educated guesses here. I may be completely wrong on this; you'll have to let me know. (And please do.)
- It was your behavior and not the years you've been alive that contributed to the bad feelings from the other servers. You have matured and adjusted since leaving them and are now a better guildie and friend. Bravo for learning from your mistakes, if that's true.
- Your guild leader may already guess that you are a minor, judging from how you type. I know that many people (including myself) assume a lack of education due to age when dealing with missing punctuation, improper capitalization and poor grammar. I'm not trying to be hard on you -- you just need to work on your language skills. School and maturity will help there.
- Talk to your guild leader privately. Use whispers or email, not officer chat and definitely not guild chat.
- If you misled him by lying about your age, apologize for that.
- Ask how to break it to the rest of the guild and take his advice. He may choose to do it himself.
- Have a sense of humor about it. You may get good-naturedly laughed at. But they probably want to laugh with you. Take the jokes that happen as meant with the best intentions and enjoy the camaraderie. Just because someone pokes fun at you does not mean they want you out of the guild or even dislike you. Just assume no malice is meant and poke fun right back (again, without malice).
I really believe everything is going to be fine and fun. Enjoy your faster progression!
Drama Mama Lisa: Tank, we all know that people judge a book by its cover -- so your job here is to make sure you're wearing the right cover. The one with that bug-eyed photo of the kid from Home Alone beneath a title blaring "The Tank's Only 12!" in blazing red letters? Gah, tear that thing off your book right this moment. Leave it at home. You're not that kind of book. The cover you need to be wearing is the one featuring a dashing and capable young hero -- because that's what you are.
Tank, don't apologize for what you are. You're young. You're capable. You're a successful, established main tank. Those are facts. Let them stand.
What I suggest that you do bring up with your guild is the fact that your voice most determinedly, most annoyingly yet most amusingly makes you sound quite, quite young. Let your voice take the heat. That does mean you're going to have to bring a sense of humor to the table -- you have to be able to poke fun at the Big Tank, Tiny Voice joke along with everybody else. Get everyone smiling along with you. We can all relate to having some quirk of physique or personality that others may find endearingly humorous. Accept yours, and embrace it to your advantage in this situation.
One caveat: All of this assumes that you are, in fact, old enough to be comfortably and appropriately mixing with a group of adults. Does your guild have any rules about age? Have you lied or actively hidden your age from your GM? And after discussing the situation with your GM, is he willing to continue your membership in the guild?
I promise you this, though: If your GM is not willing to allow you to remain in the guild, it will be for the best. Many guilds don't feel comfortable including minors; even a year or two could make or break their reaction. As attached as you may have grown to this group (and I do encourage you to share this fact with your GM), if they're not comfortable with such a young guildmate, then you don't want to insist on maintaining something that's become truly awkward. At that point, a change truly is all for the best.
In the end, I suspect that a frank, forthright private discussion with the GM will set you on track to scoot right past this awkward moment. Good luck, and let us know how it goes!
Dodge the drama and become that player everyone wants in their group with a little help and insight from the Drama Mamas. Remember, your mama wouldn't want to see your name on any drama. Play nice ... and when in doubt, ask the Drama Mamas at email@example.com.