Phat Loot Phriday: Funeral Pyre
by Michael Gray 
Oct 14th 2011 at 9:00AM
"You couldn't have left that at home?" Lolegolas asked the druid pointedly.
For his part, the druid merely shrugged as he watched cows doing cow things out in the pasture. "The Funeral Pyre is a grim weapon or a potent salve, depending on the flavor of druid using it. I would not yield it up in our quest. And it has a gem in it. Darn thing would get stolen from the locker."
Throgg shushed them both with a wave of his hand. The door opened, and a middle-aged woman stood in the entryway. She didn't seem shocked to see Horde standing on her porch.
"Ma'am," Throgg started. "We're here about your daughter. She's in trouble and we're trying to find her. We want to make it right."
The woman gasped and clamped a hand over her mouth. "Miranda."
Funeral Pyre
Type Two-handed staff
Stamina 611
Intellect 388
Socket 1 red socket
Socket bonus +10 Intellect
Equip Increases your critical strike rating by 288
Equip Increases spellpower by 2,334
Equip Increases your mastery rating by 225
How to get it You loot it from Big Bethy T -- that's Beth'tilac, for those not down with the kids' modern, hippy-hop language.
How to get rid of it You can sell it for 37 gold, 45 silver, and 77 copper. I don't think you can burn it. Since it's already a funeral pyre, I don't think it's flammable.
Phat Loot Phriday brings you the scoop on some of the most ... interesting ... loot in the World of Warcraft, often viewed through the eyes of the stalwart Throgg and indelible Lolegolas. Suggest items you think we should feature by emailing mikeg@wowinsider.com.
Filed under: Phat Loot Phriday
Reader Comments (Page 1 of 1)
Nina Katarina Oct 14th 2011 9:21AM
It would look really cool with Paladin tier 12 - those runed bands look like the runed bands on the shoulders. But paladins don't do staves. Making a mental not for sometime around patch 5.3; get together a 5-man stomp over Firelands for transmog pieces for my warrior to try to do that.
Jormund Fenris Oct 14th 2011 9:25AM
DUN DUN DUN
Geiss Oct 14th 2011 9:27AM
Have it for my disc priest, would rather have the heroic staff off shannox... le sigh. Purdy flames with Power Torrent!
Justin Oct 14th 2011 9:44AM
Why do I get the feeling that Miranda is supposed to be a Firefly reference?
aelders5124 Oct 14th 2011 12:20PM
It's the pax
Sarahjane Oct 14th 2011 1:37PM
Be sure to sample all the exciting new products from Blue Sun while you're there.
KJP Oct 14th 2011 9:48AM
"Yes ma'am, we know you have the right to remain silent, but it would really be more helpful if..."
Dreday Oct 14th 2011 11:30AM
SO we find out that Not Spot is a boomkin? Or did I miss the memo in an earlier FLF?
Maribel Oct 14th 2011 8:47PM
In the PLP entry for the Obsidian Arborweave Shoulders, he was very enamored of the burning-treants set bonus for moonkin. I guess he took the plunge off-camera.
Cricket Oct 14th 2011 10:53AM
"but he felt as nervous as a young man showing up at his girlfriend's parents' home. The Blood Elf shook his head disdainfully when that thought occurred to him."
Lolegolas, honey, I'm sure that's because this would never happen to you. And anyway, Throggs parents love you. Well. Does his mom still hate you for convincing him to fight in TBC?
Maribel Oct 14th 2011 1:21PM
I think an orc lady would forgive once she sat down, thought about it, and realized, hey, *fighting.*
Thomas Higgins Oct 14th 2011 3:22PM
Cannot upvote enough for that one, Maribel. Very funny, 8-)
Scott Oct 14th 2011 12:44PM
Wait a sec... there are LOCKERS in game????
I want one.
StClair Oct 14th 2011 12:51PM
Void storage.
Maribel Oct 14th 2011 1:24PM
"cows doing cow things"
Heh! I'm glad to see them getting closer, now (at least I hope they are), and the girl getting a name. So Not-Spot got himself a caster spec thanks to the flaming treants?
Natsumi Oct 14th 2011 11:35PM
For a brief moment.... I thought he was talking about Tauren.
GuyverIV Oct 14th 2011 2:38PM
"The woman gasped and clamped a hand over her mouth. "Miranda.""
What happens next happens very fast.
The woman eyes gain focus as her face becomes blank, and she strides quickly out of the house, launching herself at the Blood Elf and Worgen with a speed and agility that seems rather... improbable for a farmer's wife.
Not Spot barely had time to blink before Lolegolas had been doubled over then sent flying several feet with a flurry of kicks effeciently delivered, and before he could consider melding to a more aggressive form, found himself struck repeatedly. He managed to gather his wits momentary, and released a burst of moonfire which was dodged elegantly before another set of strikes landed, ending with his body striking hard against the farm house.
A small part of Not Spot which seemed disconnected from the bizzare situation mused briefly about the previously inconceivable notion of a simple farmwoman taking out two seasoned warriors and DODGING A SPELL THAT STRIKES INSTANTLY. "I guess that word doesn't mean what I thought it did..." wryly crosses his mind as his vision darkens.
As Not Spot was sliding down the farmhouse wall, Lolegolas had managed to return to his feet, with a look blending caution, irritation, and chagrin flashing across his pale elven face as the shockingly spry woman charged at him again.
Throgg, who had been crouched behind the farm house to avoid the likely unpleasant reception an orc could expect in most Alliance communities, looked up from idly gazing at the local chickens at the first sounds of the fight, muttering a startled "Whuhuh?"
Hoisting himself to his feet, he wandered around the corner of the human building and saw the Worgen appearing to be waking up from a rather undignified sprawling position on the ground and his elven companion rapidly trying to avoid being struck by an uncharacteristically aggressive farm-human.
Throgg blinks. "Hey! A tussle!"
Natsumi Oct 14th 2011 11:39PM
Lol, the entire time I was reading your post I was imagining it being read by the MicroMachines guy.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j2egGfd5j_k