Two Bosses Enter: Vanessa VanCleef vs. Zanzil

Lord Godfrey is moving on to the final matchup after a solid win against his opponent Foe Reaper 5000. Despite the mechanical reaper's resilience through the tournament and his hardcore following, Lord Godfrey's twin pistols dismantled every nut, bolt, and gizmo. Foe Reaper 5000, we hardly knew ye. Lord Godfrey will now have to face either Vanessa VanCleef or Zanzil in the final matchup of this season of Two Bosses Enter.
I can guarantee that this matchup between Vanessa VanCleef and Zanzil will be the most epic match of this season of Two Bosses Enter. Sure, the finals are coming up, and that will definitely be an epic matchup, but these are the two biggest heavy hitters of the tournament. Will fanboy favorite Vanessa VanCleef be able to best the coolest Troll to rule the school since Zul'jin? Poison master versus potion master. This one is for the history books.
| Vanessa VanCleef | |
|---|---|
| Zanzil |
The rules of the ring
- The WoW Insider Ring is considered neutral territory, where both combatants are able to access their usual encounter mechanics and abilities. If you can't visualize it inside the squared circle, visualize it someplace else -- but you must take into consideration all of each bosses' abilities and mechanics.
- Assume that each opponent is intelligent and capable of strategic thinking.
- All of the competitors' abilities, including crowd control and other effects to which bosses are usually immune, work on their opponents (with apologies to considerations of lore on this point).
- Assume that the opponents share similar levels, health pools, and comparative overall damage output.
- Don't get caught up in gameplay mechanics and what actual players might do in each encounter.
- Don't neglect style, story, and scale. Everything is a factor; seeking balance is your goal as a spectator and judge.

Vanessa VanCleef. Love her or hate her, she's been dominating the tournament with her sassy attitude, poison experience, and lack of pants. Plus, she's a pretty compelling character. Vanessa has a big fan base of followers (she'd be huge on Twitter) as well as the talents to tear down opponents (she would be in real-world prison). There will be no shenanigans this year with VanCleef's prodigious daughter -- all the cards are on the table.
Vanessa VanCleef's toolkit includes:
- Backslash
- Deadly Blades
- Vengeance of VanCleef
- Poisons, poisons and more poisons

Cauldron master and master Troll Zanzil comes into this matchup with a wave of support from the contingent of readers who just don't want to see VanCleef take the tournament. However, Zanzil is strong in his own right, with skills and tricks that could give VanCleef a run for her money. Is she even old enough to get a job and earn money? Can she open a savings account at the First Bank of Stormwind? Her dad probably built the place ...
Zanzil is one of the few Trolls who fought the status quo that readers and players alike just don't like the Zul bosses. Many Trolls have fallen to combatants in this season, but Zanzil has bucked the trend. Can his luck hold out?
Zanzil's abilities include:
- Zanzil Fire
- Voodoo Bolt
- Terible Tonic
- Zanzil's Graveyard Gas requires a drink from the green cauldron.
- Zanzil's Resurrection Elixir (blue) will call forth a resurrected Zanzili Berserker, which can be frozen after a drink from the blue cauldron.
- Zanzil's Resurrection Elixir (red) will raise a cadre of Zanzili Zombies who swarm Zanzil's enemies, which can be AOEed down after a drink from the red cauldron.

Whirrrs and spins just couldn't take out ghouls and guns as Lord Godfrey fires his way into our hearts and into the Two Bosses Enter finals. I was hoping that Godfrey would take this fight, considering I think he is the more compelling character than Foe Reaper.
SirNitram had some choice words for Godfrey:
Godfrey might be big and bad, indeed, a refined and better class of villain. But he's run into a fatal flaw: He brought a handgun to a giant-robot fight. Sure he has fancy cursed bullets, but unless he scores a lucky hit on the unknown soul hiding in that behemoth of SCIENCE, it won't stop him from being harvested.In the beginning, I thought the pistols and relatively low-tech solutions to Foe Reaper's high-tech moves seem like the perfect counter. Godfrey's bullet barrages would have to hit something of importance and put a little wear and tear on Foe Reaper. As long as Godfrey is nimble enough, Foe Reaper just might not be able to have the range of attack he needs.
Bumblebee likes Godfrey because he's a rogue's rogue:
Godfrey wins for a few reasons. He has style, he has taken on Sylvanas and won, he has already proven he is badass. He lies, he cheats and knows how to pick his fights. He is a true Rogue. And Rogues don't get mad, they get even.I have to admit, Godfrey won me over, and Bumblebee's comment about his stabbing (shooting) Sylvanas in the back does give him the smarts to best a machine. Brains over brawn, and all that jazz.
Finally, Saf's battle, taking place in an alternate dimension between Lord Gorfred and Foe Reaper 2000, was one of the more epic descriptions of the awesome fight. Just replace 2000 with 5000 -- it works the same. (Commenters, I love you all.)
Godfrey entered the arena, and gazed upon a Forge, a Prototype Reaper, and the Foe Reaper 2000, set up so that the Forge was directly behind the Foe Reaper 2000.Don't disappoint me, Two Bosses Enter fans. Let's make next week's matchup the most voted-on matchup in the history of the column.
Before Godfrey could speak, The Foe Reaper jerked upright, with its two mechanical eyes glowing red as it says "FOE REAPER 2000 ONLINE. ALL SYSTEMS NOMINAL." A stray spark shot off of Foe Reaper 2000 however, and struck the Forge, causing its contents to heat up and boil.
The Foe Reaper immediately began a sweep of the room, looking for any organic being it could harvest, when it spotted Godfrey. Its servos activate as it rushes to Godfrey's position. However, Godfrey was already on the move, and began strafing the Foe Reaper 2000 with pistol shots as he ran. With every lunge, the Foe Reaper 2000 would stop, turn until it could acquire Godfrey, and charge; but each time, Godfrey would just side-step, or roll, or dodge the attacks.
After approximately 30 seconds of this, the Forge started to bubble up with molten slag, producing a Fire Elemental. Godfrey attempted to shoot it, but his bullets just went right through, without even causing a reaction from the elemental. Knowing that if he stood still long enough to summon his ghouls, the Foe Reaper would shred him, he decided to just kite both the elemental and Foe Reaper. Luckily for him though (or unluckily, your choice) the Foe Reaper 2000 started to activate his Overdrive engine. Godfrey knew that with Foe Reaper bouncing all over the arena, kiting would be impossible, so he took the opportunity to summon up some ghouls for a distraction, and sent some Cursed Bullets Foe Reaper's way.
By this point, Godfrey has not been touched yet, while Foe Reaper is sporting a very hole-y exterior. As Foe Reaper's Overdrive engines wound down, Godfrey found himself in the perfect position to let loose a Pistol Barrage, which severely damaged Foe Reaper 2000's exterior, and took out one of Foe Reaper's eyes.
"TARGETTING SYSTEM DAMAGED. MAIN SERVO ENGINES DAMAGED. SAFETY RESTRICTIONS OFF-LINE." Now, Foe Reaper 2000 began moving at about double speed, making it much harder for Godfrey to dodge its attacks. Not to mention that the Fire Elemental had now finished off all of Godfrey's ghouls. So Godfrey decided to take a chance, and manoeuvred himself between Foe Reaper 2000 and the Forge. Then, as the Foe Reaper would up for another charge, Godfrey took aim and shot out Foe Reaper's last eye.
With that hit, Foe Reaper 2000 stopped moving, swung its body around twice to attempt to remove the obstacle that it thought was blocking its view, and stated "TARGETTING SYSTEM RENDERED INOPERABLE. COMPUTING TARGET'S LAST POSITION. ENGAGING HARVESTING SERVOS."
...
Godfrey stood casually at the side of the arena as the Foe Reaper charged head-long into the forge, took out the Fire Elemental that stood in the way, fell into the molten slag, and shorted out as he began to melt almost immediately.
"Ok Tirion, when can I fight an actual semi-human being? These machines are too dumb to be a challenge..."
| Foe Reaper 5000 | |
|---|---|
| Lord Godfrey |
The battle begins!
Remember, Two Bosses Enter matchups are all about substance and style, not gameplay, mechanics, and numbers. Don't base your strategies on player tactics, which opponent has been easiest or most difficult for you personally, or the difficulty of each opponent relative to instance progression. Vote for the spirit of the battle as set forth above. Set aside differences in opponents' health pools, game level, and actual damage output. Absolutely no game mechanics nitpicking!
Filed under: Two Bosses Enter






Reader Comments (Page 1 of 4)
Bellajtok Oct 17th 2011 3:06PM
At time of writing, Zanzil and Vanessa are completely even!
You know who's stronger. You know who's more fun. And you know who isn't getting votes for boobies. Vote for Zanzil!
Alurius Oct 17th 2011 3:10PM
Vanessa may be an expert in poison use, but Zanzil is the ORIGINAL witch doctor of Vanilla WoW. His quests were the bane of the Darkspear trolls, his concotions were used as far as the Shimmering Flats, and he was one of the few trolls to keep the original witch doctor model.
Only through the use of many different Cardboard Assassins could the young VanCleef win. Maybe.
nymrohd Oct 17th 2011 3:13PM
GO ZANZIL GO! Kill the bitch!
Tortheldrin Oct 17th 2011 3:51PM
Dude she's only 16... Sure she's a Vancleef but still.
Bellajtok Oct 17th 2011 9:24PM
Exactly. She's only 16, which is why she: a) is too inexperienced to beat Zanzil, and b) is A MINOR. Not sexy, despite her adult model. GOT THAT, PEDOBEAR?
djsuursoo Oct 17th 2011 3:20PM
oy. the ultimate toxin-vs-toxin fight.
zanzil's got all kinds of fun poison gasses, vanessa's got all sorts of lovely hallucinogens and explosives, zanzil has zombies, berserker trolls and of course the awesome zanzil fire(spell reflect and dark simulacrum are godsends in a zanzil fight).
guh. tough call. on a meta level they're both really fun and engaging boss fights. the mechanics of both are such that if you're sure about what you're doing it can be a cakewalk, but if you're clueless you're hitting the floor.
on a abilities level i'm giving this one to zanzil i think. vanessa's mobile enough that the fire is no biggie, but the adds are going to be really problematic for one rogue to handle alone, though honestly the zombies are probably easy enough to take out with some of her bombs, even if that's a massively messy solution.
the poison gas would be tricky to deal with, especially as she's busy avoiding fireblasts from zanzil, dealing with the big trolls he wakes up, and planting bombs to deal with the zombies. that is, unless she's built up a natural immunity to toxins from playing around with her own so much(but that's getting into the sort of scenario not unlike a land war in asia, or a battle of wits with a scilician when death is on the line).
kind of a lot for one girl to handle, even a clever little minx like vanessa.
zanzil all the way unless his nightmares are some seriously bad stuff and she just starts shanking him while he's tripping balls.
Bapo Oct 17th 2011 3:36PM
You make it seem like Zanzil is never tripping balls... O_o
djsuursoo Oct 17th 2011 3:42PM
bapo - good point. he's around toxins and weird potions and curious brews so much that dude must be higher than a geostationary satellite.
oh god what if her toxin makes him sober and sane and he loses his powers?!?!?!
Siln Oct 17th 2011 4:00PM
well hang on.. if you're assuming the ring in which the fight is taking place has piles of dead trolls and big silent berserkers for Zanzil to resurrect, why can't Vanessa have all her defias buddies helping her out as well?
MattKrotzer Oct 17th 2011 4:20PM
Siln: At the very least, it has the bodies of the previous defeated contestants.
Bellajtok Oct 17th 2011 4:33PM
Whoa. If we go off Krotzer's thought that the previously defeated bosses are there.... Zanzil can resurrect all the bosses who have lost up until now to fight Vanessa.
Shadda Oct 17th 2011 4:35PM
@Siln:
(Zanzil whistles cheerfully as he carries a couple of dead bodies into the ring. Dumps them in a pile. Vanessa enters, leading an annoyed Tyrion Fordring)
Vanessa: I told you he was up to something!
Tyrion: Excuse me... What exactly do you think you're doing?
Zanzil: I be preparin' fo battle, mon.
Tyrion: Where did you even get those?
Zanzil: (cackles) De're be plenty 'o friends fo' Zanzil in dese parts. Yes.
Vanessa: He took them from the cemetery this morning. He's desecrating the corpses of fallen Crusaders. I wouldn't stand for it if I were you, Highlord!
Tyrion: WHAT!?
Vanessa: Clearly he needs to be removed from the lists... Blasphemy and all that...
Tyrion: You watched him do this, and you're only reporting it now?
Vanessa: Well, I... Did I ever complement you on the particularly fine masonry work your people did on this arena? It... it reminds me of my father...
Tyrion: I'm not buying it.
Vanessa: (glares) Oh that's right... You and Stoutmantle go way back, don't you?
Zanzil: Poor Zanzil be fo'gotten. Dese be troll co'pses. Dey be commin' from Zul'Drak.
Tyrion: That's still... Ugh! Forget it! The dead trolls can stay! Like we needed more undead around here.
Vanessa: Oh, so he's allowed to to redecorate the place with bodies but I can't plant even one tiny little explosive? This is soooo unfair!
Tyrion: Then we shouldn't have a problem. You don't play fair. (exits)
Aaaand scene!
djsuursoo Oct 17th 2011 4:36PM
oh god i think matt just predicted the finale.
you'd think an arena run by a paladin would have a cleaning staff...
Cobalt Oct 17th 2011 9:33PM
If Vanessa uses her poison on Zanzil, two things could happen:
1.) Zanzil's pupils shrink to pinpoints. Then expand to cover his entire eyes. He gains INSANE FOCUS. Then wakes up 3 months later on top of Icecrown Citadel curled up around a tarnished scrap of metal that reads "A__na Gra_d Cha_pion"
2.) Zanzil undergoes some bad voodoo juju nightmares. He wakes up in Razor Hill.
mibu.work1 Oct 17th 2011 3:34PM
Go zanzil! you can do it! As of this posting, zanzil has a 3% lead, he MUST WIN! The fact that a sixteen-year-old girl has consistently been beating ancient forces of trollish power made manifest is absurd, but perhaps the mad witch-doctor can win!
EaterOfBirds Oct 17th 2011 3:40PM
in the spirit of keeping everything fair... VOTE ZANZIL.
djsuursoo Oct 17th 2011 3:41PM
i had a thought.
what happens if zanzil and vanessa tie in the votes?
it's close enough it COULD happen.
/tirion opts to fight both of them in a 3-way? obstacle course? arm-wrestling?
bonus trivia round?
'i'm sorry, the answer must be in the form of a question...'
the image of tirion pulling a trebek amuses me.
djsuursoo Oct 17th 2011 4:09PM
actually, i know what to do in the event of a tie.
the final match is an epic three-way thunderdome event.
move it to someplace fun like the ring of justice in blackrock depths(feel free to include random mobs-appropriately leveled of course-sort of like how the romans would throw lions into a gladitorial match for fun.), or maybe someplace fun like ragnaros' chamber from the molten core, where our intrepid contestants not only have to deal with each other but with the environment as well.
or maybe the spire of icecrown citadel, with bolvar obligingly dropping sections of the floor to give the match flavor. or heigan's room, and have the safety dance happen at random times.
can't you just imagine an epic three way pistol-potion-poison battle royal wherein the gladiators also have to be moving and avoiding the environment as well?
the chaos factor is just too fun.
i'm just bringing this up as i have yet to see the margin rise above 1%. declare anything less than that a tie and let's have an epic head to head to head finale!
schwonga Oct 17th 2011 4:06PM
We've had fights come down to *three* votes in the past, so while I believe you weren't being serious with your suggestion, I really, REALLY hope it happens, only because that might break time and space... or, you know, another "MATHEW DECIDES YOUR FATE" deus ex machina short story.
Ether way, it'll be fun to see.
kulhanek.jeff Oct 17th 2011 3:41PM
Okay, so those that are voting for Vanessa, feel free to step up to the plate and explain.