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11-14-2011 @ 2:39PM
OP:Just a word of advice. "This won't happen again" is not something you get to tell your girlfriend. Sorry, but it just isn't. She's not your property and you do not have the right to dictate either her friendships or her social activities. Also: issuing ultimatums is an extremely fast way to end a relationship with any woman who's disinclined to put up with that sort of thing.My advice? Talk to your girlfriend. You know, *communicate with her directly.* Enumerate your concerns. Have a frank and meaningful conversation about your relationship, where you want it to go, and what the both of you intend to do about that in the future. Because frankly? It seems to me like you're having personal trust issues, issues which need to be resolved if you want your relationship to last.For the record: I've personally met with more than one WoW friend, most of whom are younger than me and maler than me and with whom I have platonic friendships related to our shared interest in roleplaying, fantasy novels, and gamer culture in general. Haven't sexed up a one of them. I think, frankly, that the Mamas are leaping to a number of conclusions based on supposition, not evidence.
11-14-2011 @ 3:08PM
I wonder how many of those guys would "sex you up" if given the opportunity. I agree with you that she is not his property so he can't tell her what she can and can't do, but when you are in a relationship there are certain things that you do and don't do, and if this "friendship" means that much to her that she would be willing to end her relationship with her boyfriend of 4 years, then they don't need to beat around the bush anymore. If it was just an online friendship then i would say the boyfriend is a little over-jealous, but when their texting, calling, and driving 12 hours 1-way to visit, he is completely justified in wanting her to stop it.
11-14-2011 @ 3:20PM
@ Laudickj"I wonder how many of those guys would "sex you up" if given the opportunity."It's very appropriate that you have the word "dick" in your username."I agree with you that she is not his property so he can't tell her what she can and can't do, but when you are in a relationship there are certain things that you do and don't do, and if this "friendship" means that much to her that she would be willing to end her relationship with her boyfriend of 4 years, then they don't need to beat around the bush anymore."Supposition based on information not in evidence. We don't know *how* the OP's girlfriend feels about any of this -- in fact, by his own admission, he has not put their relationship on the line for her to either keep or end, merely voiced some vague misgivings with which she does not agree."If it was just an online friendship then i would say the boyfriend is a little over-jealous, but when their texting, calling, and driving 12 hours 1-way to visit, he is completely justified in wanting her to stop it."One again, she's not his property. He does not get to dictate her friendships or her social activities. And, frankly, earlier last month I had a pair of WoW friends (admittedly, a married couple) drive twelve hours one way to visit me. Several of my guildmates phone, text, and visit one another semi-regularly. This is not inherently weird or suspicious behavior, and it has become increasingly common thanks to this wondrous thing called the internet. When I was in college *fifteen years ago* it wasn't exactly uncommon. Acting like it's weird to visit a friend who lives a long distance away twice strikes me as pretty bizarre.
11-14-2011 @ 3:37PM
@Nagainawell dick is my name because its my last name and its part of my e-mail address and I don't have an account because i usually don't comment, so thank you.We don't know how the GF feels, but as I said, if she feels that her "friendship" is more important than her relationship with her boyfriend then their are bigger problems.No he can't dictate what she does, but if you care for someone, and you are doing something that they don't like, you usually do what you can to stop it. Once again it comes down to which relationship she values more. Phoning and texting guild-mates is different than talking to someone everyday and driving 12 hours to visit someone of the opposite sex that is also 20 years younger than you.I may be completely wrong, but i think your situation is different because I am assuming you are more mature than she is, and it is easy for you to keep relationships platonic. Have you ever visited or been visited by someone 20 years younger or older than you of the opposite sex.You know the old saying, when there is smoke there is fire, and there is a lot of smoke right now.
11-14-2011 @ 4:17PM
Quote Nagaina" We don't know *how* the OP's girlfriend feels about any of this -- in fact, by his own admission, he has not put their relationship on the line for her to either keep or end, merely voiced some vague misgivings with which she does not agree"Agreed, and of course we don't know what exactly was said... but you know what? Maybe its not about him putting the relationship on the line... because doing that often is not working if you "win" at first.The problem is that he is feeling quite uncomfortable about it, and frankly, I can't blame him. But even if Id go "Hey, its prolly nothing, I am sure they are great friends, I bet they have so much to talk about", the fact is that it makes him feel quite uncomfortable, he doesn't know what is going on. He is not going "Hey, you're my girl, so stop that" or whatever, he is just feeling uncomfortable.So I dunno, I of course don't know them, but my question would be... if he tells her he is uncomfortable about it, why doesn't she try to take his doubts away, to be totally open if there is nothing to worry about.Yes, that guy is her friend, but the guy who wrote this is her boyfriend. So how about, instead of meeting the guy by herself, bring him along, try to ntroduce them? What I am trying to say is: When I notice that my girlfriend is totally uncomfortable about any situation, I try to show her that there is nothing at all to worry about... because she is my girlfriend, and deserves that. If I go "Oh come on, just dont worry"... that sometimes just doesnt really help much.So to me, its not about him putting it onto the line, Id wish that she'd notice that her boyfriend is confused and uncomfortable with the situation (and the things he listed dont sound like he is over-possessive, as in "Hey, you can not talk to ANY man ever" or something)Whether you're married or just bf/gf, I think one of the things you should try to do is stuff like this... trying to make sure there are no worries like that, and if a situation is hard to read, try to clear it up, or maybe involve your loved one to show him there is nothing to worry about.Then again, just my opinion
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