We have two letters this week -- both about legendaries. The first letter is below, and the second letter and our responses are after the break.
Dear Drama Mamas,
I've been thinking a lot about taking a long break from WoW recently since I have almost no interest in playing. The problem is I'm an officer in an active raiding guild and also the only person in the guild close to getting the legendary staff. The only reason I've been playing lately has been to finish the staff for many guild. It'll take me only 2 weeks of doing a full clear to complete it so the guild will get the achievement and pet; however the other officers are too interested in the new 4.3 content to do anything in Firelands, inculding work on the legendary staff.
I'd really like to quit wow without burning any bridges or upsetting my long time guild mates, but I feel that if I quit with a 95% complete legenday I will be a considered a big jerk.
Thanks for any advice you can give me.
Drama Mama Robin: Burned, you're going to have to come clean to your fellow officers, though they probably have already detected your burnout. There are definitely going to be some hard feelings and probably some nasty things said, but there's no way to get around that. Just don't get defensive or testy. I recommend being humble and apologetic, while still being firm with your resolve. Offer them a choice: They can either let you go now and continue on with their 4.3 fun, or they can take a break, get you the legendary (and the goodies for the guild) and then let you go. Here is an example of what to say:
I'm really sorry, but I have to take an extended break from WoW that may be permanent. I know that I'm close to getting the legendary and that makes me feel really bad, but we're not getting any closer lately because of 4.3. Do you want me to hang around and we'll switch to Firelands for a couple of weeks so the guild can get the pet and the achievement? Or would you rather I leave now? I will do whatever you decide. Again, I apologize, but I just can't go on right now.I have said this many times before, but your leisure time is supposed to be stress-free and a way to recharge for your responsibilities. If WoW is no longer doing that for you, you can't continue playing just for others. Good luck.
Drama Mama Lisa: Hey Robin, that's a big ol' cop-out of taking responsibility for this decision -- and you're absolutely right! I agree. Burned, the decision in the situation lies with your guild, not with you. Follow Robin's excellent advice and let the guild figure out if they'd like to make this happen before you leave or not. Then follow the "before you leave" part of the equation and head out to greener pastures. Happy trails, whether they lead back to Azeroth or beyond!
I'm an officer in a casual raiding guild that's 6/7 normal as of the launch of 4.3. My guild is full of great people who I've come to consider part of my on-line family. As a druid, I keep raid-quality gear for tanking, healing, and spell dps, though my heart truly lies in my feathery form. When 4.2 hit, I was to be the first in our guild to begin the legendary quest-chain, and it was going pretty good during the summer, even though our progress was slow at the start as we learned the fights. by summer's end, my rl schedule changed so that I was unavailable to run one of the two nights my guild does progression raiding, and the 2nd in line (who is also an officer) began to progress further along than me in the legendary, to the point where I was formally informed by my guild leader that I was being taken down as lead until the other guy got through the phase we were both in. Naturally I was upset, though not surprised, as most of the progression was occurring on the first night anyway, I was pretty much locked out of token collection already.
So it went, the other guy got on into the next phase and I was put back on first dibs for the phase I was on, for the night I could run with the guild.
Then 4.3 hit.
The day after Dragon Soul hit the servers, it was announced in guild channels that progression runs would be changed to two days I am actually able to run with the guild on. Then it was announced that Firelands runs would remain on the night I was unavailable. Our other non-progression night, for entry level raid runs remained the same, also on a night I was available to run on. When I found out I was furious with my gm and the other officers. It felt like I was being completely overlooked, that after constant reminders that I am not available on that one day, they still chose to effectively lock me out of guild runs for that instance, and have yet to hear an explanation as to why that night remains the same, or even why the newbie night is still set to run t11 instances when you can gear up all you need in the new 4.3 5mans. I posed the question in O-chat - trying to keep as civil as possible - as to who the new secondary legendary guy was going to be. Nobody had the answer to that.
Now my problem.
I'm feeling extremely resentful towards my guild, to the point where I don't like logging on to WoW for more than a dungeon run. I feel like I'd been shoved - ever so gently - off to the side and forgotten. I know I should be pleased that I'll be able to run DS with the guild both nights now, but I was really looking forward to getting dragonwrath while it was still viable. Yes, I know it's petty and selfish, but I'm finding it very hard to let go of the disappointment and frustration I'm feeling regarding the situation and I don't know how to express my feelings in such a way as to not cause unnecessary drama. I just want to this resolved, within the guild and/or within myself. Any assistance you can provide would be greatly appreciated.
Drama Mama Robin: Incoming harshness. You have been warned.
Ruffled, it's not all about you. Your schedule changed, and you want the other nine or more guildies to change the raid schedule to fit your needs. I recommend you get over your negative feelings and raid the nights you can. Your loyalty and hard work will help you get good things the next time your schedule in the physical world changes. Sulking and only logging on for dungeon runs is a good way to get behind everyone else and maybe even get you kicked. I sincerely doubt you will be able to find another guild that has a raiding schedule exactly matching yours. But even if you do, your schedule may change again, leaving you in the same position you are now.
It's not them -- it's you. Please let go of your disappointment and frustration and enjoy the fact that you are in a successful raiding guild with a spot on the first team.
Drama Mama Lisa: Ah, the revolving door of upgrades strikes again. It's hard to get everything for everyone when the content moves so quickly, isn't it? Think how the guild members who weren't first or second in line must feel to realize that they'll probably never get a chance to even begin such a quest!
Ruffled, you weren't set aside in any way; it's the outdated content that was. As Robin notes, this was a scheduling call. The best you can hope for right now is to get your name pushed back to the top of the line if your schedule should ever line up with Firelands raiding night again. It's all up to you and your schedule.
In the meantime, I'm going to just mosey back over here and sit down in the back row while I pull on my handy-dandy Gauntlets of the Hands-On Officers ... Ahhh, here we go. Now, let me just wonder: As an officer, where were you when this decision was being considered? Does your guild regularly make decisions with guild-wide ramifications without input from the entire leadership group? How could your guild work to gather more input from all the officers to help ensure future decisions about scheduling are tangle-free?
Good luck to you and your guild in the content ahead!
Dodge the drama and become that player everyone wants in their group with a little help and insight from the Drama Mamas. Remember, your mama wouldn't want to see your name on any drama. Play nice ... and when in doubt, ask the Drama Mamas at firstname.lastname@example.org.