Two Bosses Enter: Yorg Stormheart vs. Brann Bronzebeard
by Mathew McCurley 
Dec 26th 2011 at 6:00PM
The battle between Yorg Stormheart and Aethas Sunreaver was a much, much closer match than I had anticipated ever happening between a dwarf and a blood elf. Seriously, you guys, how do you keep pulling these fast ones on me? Every week, I am surprised by the results -- except any week in which Brann is present.
Speaking of weeks in which Brann is present, Yorg Stormheart has successfully bested Archmage Aethas Sunreaver in the WoW Insider ring and moves on to the final matchup. Brann Bronzebeard is the only obstacle that stands in the way of total Two Bosses Enter domination, but there is still a long, rough week ahead for the voting.
Many of you are now realizing that the battle unfolding on the next page is, in fact, between two brothers. If you didn't realize that until now, avert your shock and awe for mere moments until the voting is done, and then continue your amazement at the final matchup between Brann Bronzebeard and Muradin Bronzebeard, brothers until the end. Since this final matchup is a little different than most, how about we mess with the rules a little bit, too?
Instead of the routine no-holds-barred mayhem we usually let these combatants get into, what about a good old-fashioned dwarven drinking contest? Who wins this matchup, WoW Insider community? Only you can decide.
Who drinks who under the table?
| Yorg Stormheart (The Frostborn) | |
|---|---|
| Brann Bronzebeard (The Explorer's League) |
The rules of the ring
- The WoW Insider Ring is considered neutral territory, where both combatants are able to access their usual encounter mechanics and abilities. If you can't visualize it inside the squared circle, visualize it someplace else -- but you must take into consideration all of each bosses' abilities and mechanics.
- Assume that each opponent is intelligent and capable of strategic thinking.
- All of the competitors' abilities, including crowd control and other effects to which bosses are usually immune, work on their opponents (with apologies to considerations of lore on this point).
- Assume that the opponents share similar levels, health pools, and comparative overall damage output.
- Don't get caught up in gameplay mechanics and what actual players might do in each encounter.
- Don't neglect style, story, and scale. Everything is a factor; seeking balance is your goal as a spectator and judge.
- There is an unlimited amount of beer and ale present in the arena.
- None of said beer or ale is enchanted, haunted, Old-God-corrupted, or contained in any ancient barrels, flasks, casks, or other magic vessel.
- Whoever passes out first loses.
Yorg Stormheart, also known as Muradin Bronzebeard, is perhaps one of the strongest, most resilient dwarves on Azeroth. You know his feats of strength: He killed a jormungar with a hammer to the face, he braved the harsh climes of Northrend after being left for dead by Arthas, and he rose to lead a group of dwarves that even he could learn more ferocity from. We haven't even mentioned his accolades and history before World of Warcraft, so the bottom line is that Muradin is one tough dwarf.
In this competition, however, toughness isn't as valued as tenacity. Drinking Brann under the table might be the most fearsome challenge the king of the Frostborn has ever faced. Will the time spent in the frozen north amongst his frozen cousins be enough to gird his stomach and liver for the onslaught about to occur? Can Muradin even go up against his brother, to potentially see the crushing defeat in Brann's eyes? Only you can decide.
Competition favorite and general crazy person Brann Bronzebeard never stops unleashing evil all over the place. He just won't stop opening up forgotten bastions of antiquity, delving into lost tombs, and unearthing some of the craziest Old God plots that the mortals of Azeroth have ever seen. Brann is bad news, ladies and gentlemen, and we constantly follow him to our ends.
Brann has won all of his matches thus far through the sheer chance and brashness that follows the luckiest dwarf on Azeroth wherever he can go. For dwarves, though, drinking is never about luck. No amount of arcane power, no cache of forgotten relics, and definitely no accidental outsmartings can match a dwarf's ability to drink nor will any of that happen on Muradin's watch. He's crafty just like his brother, and as a brother myself, I know from experience that you can pick out your sibling's bull crap a mile away. Don't even try it, Brann.
Will Azeroth's most prolific and dangerous (at least to me and you) explorer take the title as winner of the exhibition season of Two Bosses Enter? The choice is still yours, readers.
Yorg Stormheart narrowly beat out Archmage Aethas Sunreaver in last week's matchup, only losing by just under 100 votes. Your vote counts, people! So far, Yorg has dispatched two mages in this tournament, defeating Tae'thelan Bloodwatcher in his first matchup and Aethas in his second. Yorg's current enemy is going to take a whole new set of skills and a different strategy in order to win, but let's first take a look and see how you guys thought that last week's match played out.
Phrdy50 made a mistake:
Whoops! I clicked the wrong button, I wanted to vote for Yorg not Aethas -_-Rookie move, Phrdy50! What's up, man? You've got to be in this to win this. I'll forgive you this time, but you have to be on the ball here. This is serious.
Reader clundgren makes a fantastic point regarded Yorg/Muradin having to make everyone wait for his jabbering on and talking during key moments in the Icecrown Citadel raid when really all we wanted to do was bunch Deathbringer Saurfang in his loot bags for some trinkets. Quit talking, dwarf, and let's get to fighting! Heh, dwarves.
I'm not voting for Aethas because he's really Kael'Thas and totally outclasses Muradin.Well said, clundgren. However, since you are an Alliance player, you do not understand the full might, fury, and anger that comes with watching roleplay events before Deathbringer Saurfang. You see, the Horde version has all of the pertinent RP at the beginning of the fight, making for a huge wait before the battle began. We're on the same page, though, so we can still be friends.
I'm not voting for Aethas because mages hard counter warriors.
I'm not even voting Aethas because I feel bad for a guy who has to hide his perfect Belf hair behind an ugly iron mask.
No, I'm voting Aethas because he never made me wait through five minutes of RP that I've seen a million times before. There's something to be said for clickable quest text.
Glyphstone gives the fight to Yorg based on his strength of will and ability to outlast Aethas, especially when you factor in that Yorg is probably super-resistant to Frostbolts and other ice attacks.
The Lich King couldn't kill Yorg, what chance does one measly Blood Elf mage have?While many of you guessed that the Bronzebeards would be matched up against each other, you also all guessed drinking contest, like my man (or lady) djsuursoo. Yes, if the Bronzebeards were going to fight in the last match, it was going to be a drinking contest from the start. Alex and I had a conversation about this early on. You guys are so predictable!
'The arena gates shut behind Aethas, facing down the indomitable dwarven king. A twist of arcane magic sends a tremendous fireball roaring down on Yorg before the dwarf can so much as settle his stance, knocking him flat on his back. Surely it couldn't be that easy?
Yorg climbs to his feet, though, beginning to trudge across the ring as Aethas pelts him with frostbolt after frostbolt. The ice missiles slow him, but they don't stop him - unnerved by his enemy's resilience, the mage freezes Yorg solid in a block of ice and teleports back to the other side of the room, clearing the range again. But before he can wind up for a second pyroblast, Yorg smashes his way free of the icy prison and lumbers towards Aethas again, frostbolts impacting on his barrel chest with less effect than they had before. A point-blank blast of blinding fire buys the blood elf time to teleport to safety again, and retreat backwards from the implacable dwarf while flinging arcane missiles, fire blasts, and shards of cutting ice, none of which seem to faze Yorg in the slightest.
It seems to go on for hours, Aethas trying every magical trick in his book and any others. Yorg took them all and kept on coming, till the mage was drained of his power, gasping and exhausted from the endless round-and-round retreating. "What does it take to kill you, dwarf?"
Yorg smiled through his heat blisters, burn marks, and coating of ice crystals. "More than you, elf. More than you." His skin turned dark as stone, and he abruptly grew in size to tower over the drained archmage. Aethas's second-to-last thought was noting how the dwarf's hammer was almost as big as Aethas himself now. His last thought was how it looked even bigger flying point-blank into one's face.'
let's just face facts. we're headed for an epic battle of the bronzebeards.Now is the time, friends. Bronzebeard versus Bronzebeard. Dwarf versus dwarf. Iron stomach versus iron stomach. Which Bronzebeard takes the title as champion in the Two Bosses Enter exhibition season?
the real thing to decide is, what form of battle will it be?
drinking contest? maybe for warm-ups.
poker? actually this might work.
monopoly? oh the comedic potential.
tiddlywinks? for some reason this works best as a manga, with lots of speed lines.
| Yorg Stormheart (The Frostborn) | |
|---|---|
| Archmage Aethas Sunreaver (The Sunreavers) |
Set aside the world order -- let the WoW Insider Ring determine who's the champion! Your votes determine the outcome in WoW Insider's series of fantasy deathmatches, Two Bosses Enter, One Boss Leaves.
Filed under: Two Bosses Enter
Reader Comments (Page 1 of 2)
Quaza Dec 26th 2011 6:05PM
Muradin probably only has to think of Arthas, and will have enough dark thoughts to outdrink Brann. That is, if Brann doesn't put an Old God in Muradin's drink.
Andrew Dec 26th 2011 6:23PM
Muradin holds Brann's head down in the unlimited amount of beer and ale that has turned the arena into a swimming pool. Brann only manages to lower the level of the beer by 3 feet before he passes out and/or drowns. Muradin wins and drinks the rest at his own pace.
Pantro Dec 26th 2011 6:24PM
Days spending at the excavations, drinking ale while digging for artifacts must have made Ol' Bran pretty badass when it comes to a drinking game.
Sarah Bee Dec 26th 2011 6:31PM
Magni = The political one
Brann = The exploring one
Muradin = The fighting one
As much as I love me some Brann, in most cases I think Yorg would win in a game of combat.
Marolas Dec 27th 2011 3:32PM
Ah, but the question is, who drinks better? The warrior who quaffs the ale of his fallen enemies during victory celebrations, or the explorer who drinks exotic alcohol on his many journeys?
Honestly, in a drinking match between dwarves, the only real loser is the tavernkeep who's supplying the booze.
Jeremy_wiggers Dec 26th 2011 6:44PM
Ah the battle of the bronzebeards...
"Muradin my brother, I'll go easy on ya and give ya a 5 min head start. Now start your drinkin," Brann says as his brother walks toward him.
"That's good of ya Brann to let another dwarf have the first drink," Yorg replies as he lifts the tankard to his lips.
Brann smiles to himself and waits 5 minutes patiently before starting to drink at his own pace. Hours seem to pass as the dwarfs drink the endless supply of alcohol. Finally Yorg collapses tankard still in hand.
"Whew that was close. I only had about another 5 minutes in me before I passed out," Brann states with a knowing smile.
Ballmung Dec 26th 2011 7:08PM
No Old Gods to help Brann? Then this one is Yorg's. Yorg has had the brew of the frostdwarves while Brann was busy figuring out Outland and later Ulduar. Despite being a dwarf you would think Brann can get caught up exploring Titan relics. Meanwhile Yorg became the frostdwarf king and I think a drinking contest would be part of that.
bethontheharbor Dec 26th 2011 7:14PM
Brann has survived so much in wow he's pretty much an uber hero. Nothing can stop him.. or the chaos he brings.
Adegan Dec 26th 2011 7:30PM
I want to see Ultraxion pitted against Dargonax!
Leethax Dec 26th 2011 7:32PM
To quote Muradin in Warcraft 3...
"My older brother Magni is king of the dwarves."
"My younger brother Brann is a renowned explorer."
"If I didn't kick so much ass, I'd feel a tad out of place."
mizarone Dec 26th 2011 7:33PM
The Bronzebeard brothers pass out at the exact same time after drinking Titanic amounts of beer. Fights break among the fans over who won the contest. ("It had to be 1 gold beer night", bemoans Tirion) The fights becomes a riot and the arena is destroyed in the process. In the aftermath we find the Bronzebeards untouched by the chaos and snoring loudly
mibu.work1 Dec 26th 2011 7:36PM
'I hear ye been doon in tha deserts o' Uldum wit' tha old apprentice o' yours Brann! Ye be findin' any fun to be had?' Muradin bellowed across the table at his brother.
'Aye, by the titans it was fun! Blasted goblin workin' fer' Deathwing try'n tae get his grubby mitts on the reorigination machine Algalon almost used on us! But, you'n your'en might ken more aboot tha' region, eh Yorg?' Brann rebutted with a sly wink, a dribble of beer catching in his beard.
The brothers both laughed, seated in the middle of an arena that had seen fire and the fiercest combat many times, now lined with barrels of ale and kegs of beer, labeled, of course, with the crossed hammers of Ironforge. Here and there a oddly-tinted casket would rest with a branding of a meaty fist, or perhaps a silver moon or a lowering red fetish, for all the brewing races of Azeroth had a stake in this. Whomsoever owned the brew that felled the loser could claim to have the most potent swill south of Icecrown, and as such, the arena was packed with representatives of every race, and the unusual sounds of Polka music and laughter filled the chill air of icecrown.
'Ach, ye canne expect tae win wit honor if ye keep drinkin' tha elf-wine, try this Wildhammer Stout little brother!' The Frostborn King called to his younger sibling, as rivulets of the potent brew ran from the edges of his mouth and his eyes swam with tears. Muradin's face glowed as his brother rose to the challenge, waving a heavy pewter tankard at a cask of Bloodhoof Firewater, the wine bottle being carefully removed by a dwarf attendant.
On and on the brothers drank, laughing and cheering as the finest brewmasters of Azeroth brought fourth their draughts, said a few words to the quality of the drink, and then tapped the keg for the two brothers. The time passed, and the brothers drank, alternatively bantering, bickering, and joining together in old songs of their father's days.
Eventually, Muradin's eyelids began to droop, and Brann, seeing his own end in sight, pounded the table for quiet. The chatter from all sides dropped, and the highlord Fordring, who had been napping in his chair, jerked awake. Rubbing his eyes gently with a mailed hand, he called down. 'Bronzebeards, why have you stopped? Does one of you wish to concede?'
'Nae!' Brann shouted back 'But me brother and I are coming near tha end o' both our tethers, ah can see. We've sampled jes' about every beer, ale, gin, stout, wine, and grog I've ever heard of, and several I'm pretty sure tha Explorer's League will be fascinated to find out aboot, but we need to end this now. I propose we each get one o' the strongest beer tha' can be found, and we race tae the bottom of the barrel. Firs' one tae finish and remain standin', wins.'
Muradin, who was now also standing shakily, called up 'Aye, an' ah know jes' the ales tae have, in fact, I ordered one tae try meself for this occasion.' With that, he gestured to the door of the arena. 'Well come on in man, don't be shy!'
The crowd, already silent, fell so quiet it seemed none of them were breathing. A large figure, tall as an orc and just as broad, with a big grin fill of sharp white teeth, a trim black silk robe, a great staff held in a black and white hand, strode into the arena. The figure was carrying a barrel under one arm, which he placed next to Brann. 'There, a fresh cool ale to finish you off, and put hair ALL OVER you, even for a dwarf.' said Chen Stormstout.
A flurry of whispers swept the audience, many of whom had heard of the legendary Brewsmaster, but had never seen him, much less one of his mysterious and secretive race. Tirion, recovering quickly from his own shock called down. 'Well, this is certainly unexpected, but it seems reasonable. However, to make this a fair challenge, we must allow Brann the choice of Yorg's drink.'
Brann, eyeing the strangely marked barrel with more than a little excitement, gave a loud 'hmmmmmmmm'. He sank into his chair, his hat drooping, down, many in the audience craned their necks to see if he'd passed out. He sat up suddenly, like a shot, a light gleaming in his eyes. 'There be only one creature who's brew I know can match Chen's, and that is the brewmaster himself, Voljin.'
A cheer rose up from the trolls in the audience, as the tall figure of their leader lept from the stands. Armor, hidden blades, and voodoo fetishes clinked and rustled as he made his way between the barrels, a long arm wrapped around a small keg wrapped in reeds and bullrushes. He set down the barrel next to Yorg, who eyed it with a look of mixed excitement and apprehension.
Tirion once more shouted into the arena 'Brewmasters, what do you call the beverages that will decide this match?'
Chen looked up, one meaty hand raising the brim of his wide hat. With a grin as wide as his hat, he called up 'This one is what I call 'Earth, Wind, and Fire'! My newest creation, and one of my best!'
Voljin, tapping his own keg, called up in his low, rough voice 'Dis one be a special brew we Darkspears made to celebrate de taking back of our islands. Odda peoples in de Horde call it 'Darkspear Pride' because nobody else been able to make it 'cept me, but I call it 'Big Bad Voodoo'.
The ale poured and the contestants ready, they began taking pull after pull.
Muradin wept openly as the thick jungle brew slid down his throat, the burn more powerful than he could imagine. It seemed to light a fire inside him, burning him but also filling him with a sense of invincibility, and he could almost hear the huge troll drums pounding along with the crashing surf under a tropical night sky.
Brann almost choked at his first sip, the brew was thicker than he'd immagined, thicker than, mud, but it seemed to run down so easily past the lips, almost like air, before cooling him like the purest streams that ran in Schoalazar where his good friend Hemet was camped. Finally, it lit a fire in him hotter than the vents of Flame Leviathen, than the deserts of Tanaris and Uldum, as hot as the elemental plane of Fire itself. And then it was gone, soothed away by that cool water that came with each sip.
Both brothers slumped to the table as the crowd erupted in cheers. The two brewmasters shook hands, proud in their achievements. Not even they could tell who had won, but from the brother's expressions, it was clear that each had enjoyed the experience.
Ametrine Dec 27th 2011 4:07AM
This wins so amazingly hard that I wish it were animated instead of merely written.
lady.silverdragon Dec 27th 2011 7:33AM
This is exactly how I think it would go. Great job with this write-up!
Angus Dec 27th 2011 11:11AM
I cannot even come close to catching this for awesomeness.
Alright people. See that score up there? It is up to us to make it even. THIS MUST BE A TIE! Make this write up the official one of this match!!!
Sumadin Dec 26th 2011 8:18PM
Guys guys. Come on we have already seen what happens when these 2 meet. So let me present you to the quest The brothers Bronzebeard ARGENT ARENA EDITION.
Tirion: Ladies and gentleman. The final of the season is here. A battle between 2 dwarfes are infront of us. Now before we start i would like to declare that the arena has been swept clean for any rocks, coins, pennys and other small objects that could cause the summon of an old god for for no explainable reason.
"The sound of relief is heard from all around the audience"
Tirion: Without futher delay, in the first corner. A famed explorer, disasters follow him. Give a hand for BRANN BRONZEBEARD.
"Brann walks in, No reaction from audience"
Brann: Hmm this floor really is very clean indeed. You have done a good job.
Tirion: And in the other corner. People, worms. He punches them all in the face. Enter YORG STORMHEART!
"Yorg enter from the other gate and Brann is shocked"
Yorg: Alright lad hope your ready for a fight.
Brann: Your not Yorg. Your Muradin! My brother!
"A Gasp from the audience"
Yorg: Brother? Wait i have brothers. "Memories start coming back" Oh wait what day is it? The fourth? Sorry i have to go.
"Yorg turns towards the gate"
Tirion: Muradin you can't just leave, It is the final.
Muradin: Sorry i got an appointment to a dentist in 2 hours.
Tirion: You have been missing for over 7 years. How can you have a dentist time now?
Muradin: What can i say? We dwarfes like to have that sorted out in good time. "Muradin then punches the gate which instantly smashes open and then leaves"
Tirion: Well Yorg stormheart has ceased to exist in the hands of Brann Bronzebeard and since there are no other contestants in the arena i have to declare him the winner.
Brann: Well good to see Muradin again. Wait Muradin dropped a coin... no wait this isn't a coin.
Tirion and the audience as the realise: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO ...
"The coin is in reality the final key of Unseal, that muradin had found in storm peaks. As Brann touches it it glows purple and summons Yogg-sarron whose tentacles
start terrorizing the audience."
Brann: Oh don't worry i just need a minute to reverse the polarity.
As the argent crusaders try to hold off Yogg-sarron Tirion mumbles to himself: "Why did i ever think bringing dwarfs to this tournement would be a good idea."
Helston Dec 26th 2011 8:25PM
I'm a little disappointed in hi this season's played out. By being well known, the Bronzebeard brothers have had most of their wins handed to them on silver platters. They either needed other well-known leaders (e.g. Tirion Fordring) or be replaced by other no-name leaders.
At least this fight wil be an interesting contest. Muradin should by far be the better drinker, provided he doesn't pop Avatar too early.
Helston Dec 26th 2011 8:30PM
Come to think of it, Fordring is a bad example. Cro Threadstrong would be a much better example.
James Dec 26th 2011 9:25PM
Resilience is Yorg's strong suit. And Resilience is of key importance in the game of drink. I know Brann has probably built up a tolerance due to drinking enough to forget the horrors he alone has unleashed on us, but that alone doesn't give him the edge.
On top of that Yorg would "feel a tad awkward" about losing this matchup. Especially to his younger brother! (Grrr... can we just call him Muradin and be done with it)
Vitos Dec 26th 2011 9:50PM
Ladies and Gents, we need to make this a tie. If necessary, log on from some other IP and vote to even things up. Make it happen.