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All of the latest Mists of Pandaria newsDrama Mamas: Should the raid schedule change for the GL's girlfriend?
by Robin Torres 
Jan 16th 2012 at 9:00AM
The above video has nothing to do with this week's letter except that a girlfriend is involved. Did you know Rick Springfield also played Zac on the original Battlestar Galactica? No, that has nothing to do with either WoW or the drama at hand, either. And now I (Robin) have revealed my guilty Rick Springfield crush. Moving on.
Dear Drama Mamas,
I recently transferred to a new server with friends to make a new 10 man raiding guild after the guild leaders persistence to get us all here. Everyone in the guild is getting along great with everyone else, and everyone is friends with everyone else. Everyone agreed on a raid schedule ahead of time to make us be competitive but yet casual and fun with other guilds on the server. It seemed as if nothing could go wrong and for about a month and a half, nothing has. Of course, all good things come to pass.
The guild leader's girlfriend recently announced a change in her schedule and as such, will not show up on one of our agreed days until an hour after it's supposed to start. Her solution to this is that we all change the raid days or times to accommodate her so she doesn't have to be replaced. Everyone in the guild agreed upon these days and times and can not change the times for her. This made her angry and she can not see how 9 other people can not change their schedule to fit her. The other officer and I asked the guild leader to possibly replace her or to maybe alternate her and the other dps we have, but he refused the idea. I can understand he is in a predicament between his girlfriend and the guild, but I feel this isn't fair to other people in the guild who can not change their schedules but want to raid.
As a result, 7 of our 10 raiders want to leave and form a new guild unless he replaces his girlfriend. I feel a lot of loyalty to the guild leader since he has done a lot for me, but I also am close to the other people that want to leave. I am torn between my loyalty to the guild leader and my friendship to the other 7 raiders. I can not think of any solution on how to save our guild or how to please everyone. Any advice on what to do would be appreciated!
Sincerely,
Trapped and Torn
Drama Mama Lisa: For a "casual and fun" raiding group, one hour's delay one night a week hardly represents an insurmountable hurdle. Start the raid later that one night, for heaven's sake! It's not as if you're racing for world first here. Make sure Miss Girlfriend is stocked up, repaired and ready to roll the moment she logs in those nights, and keep forging ahead with the positive team spirit you've already built. An ugly ball of drama and pride gets rolled up when demands and ultimatums like these get laid down and people start standing on principle. It's an hour. Take a deep breath, and remind your guildmates that you have a good thing going. An hour's not too much time to sacrifice for that.If that single hour is going to bring down the whole house of cards, that's another matter. But even so, I'm more concerned actually about the fate of those other DPSers whose very mention the GM seems to brush aside. Do they want to raid, too? What's being done to accommodate them? Even if you ride out this current scheduling squall, your guild will be swamped if you don't have procedures in place to cover all of these situations -- and as an officer, it's your responsibility to take action. Get thee over to Officers' Quarters and stock up with some suggestions to bring to the table. With hard work and patience, you'll be able to shore up this fledgling guild you've found yourself in and keep a good thing rolling for some time to come. Good luck!
Drama Mama Robin: I'm afraid I must disagree with Lisa. I think that a "casual and fun" raiding guild is probably peopled with players whose otherwise busy schedules overlap just enough so that they can raid together. One hour later can mean a late bedtime for someone who has to get up early to go to work the next day.I also share Lisa's concerns that the other DPSers' needs aren't being met in general and particularly in this situation.
It seems to me that while you feel loyalty toward your guild leader, he feels much more loyalty to his girlfriend than he does everyone else in the guild. It also seems that The Girlfriend takes advantage of this. She's also not very much of a team player if she can't agree to let someone else swap in the one day she can't get there on time.
On the other hand, I am a little confused as to how the seven raiders who issued the ultimatum are defining "replace" in this scenario. Do they want her replaced for all guild nights? Or do they want her to only be replaced the one night that she can't make it on time? If the ultimatum is that she be replaced by the other DPS on all nights because she can't make one day, then they are being unreasonable. Ultimatums are rarely a good idea, either way.
Perhaps if things were presented to the GL in the way of giving more opportunities to other raiders and preparing yourselves for absences, this would be more appealing to the Guild Leader. Maybe it's the Us vs. Your Girlfriend attitude that is causing the friction. I think Lisa's advice of going over to Officers' Quarters for some tips on presenting the DPS rotation issue is excellent, and you could use that to help phrase the request.
In my opinion, the fairest solution is to let the other DPSers who want to raid have the night she can't make on time, but otherwise let her keep her spot when she can. If that is what the Guild Couple are refusing to do -- even if you present it diplomatically -- then I agree that is a deal-breaker. If she's unreasonable and he gives in to her unreasonableness, she will learn that she is the real guild leader. Any other time that she doesn't get what she wants, he will give in -- loot, another schedule change, a personality conflict, etc. Think of this as the sign of what is to come and go ahead with the new guild without feeling guilty.
Dodge the drama and become that player everyone wants in their group with a little help and insight from the Drama Mamas. Play nice ... and when in doubt, ask the Drama Mamas at robin@wowinsider.com. Read Robin's section of this post on how to get your letter answered and please remember that we cannot answer privately.
Reader Comments (Page 3 of 3)
Stilhelm Jan 16th 2012 2:23PM
If your idea of a "raid" is something that takes no more effort than rolling your face across the keyboard, then yes, LFR might be a good thing for you.
anchorite82 Jan 16th 2012 1:38PM
I don't like the idea that he's a jerk and she's terrible for being selfish. They're a couple and they want to play together, Theres nothing wrong with that. Just push your raid back an hour and grow up.
CollinBPage Jan 16th 2012 2:03PM
I don't understand the whole Guild Friends are not real people just because you don't know them IRL.. Just because you don't know them personally doesn't mean they are any less kind of person.. Would you fuck over your RL friends Over the GF? I doubt it
Frankenchokey Jan 16th 2012 3:35PM
I have to wonder if this idea of having 8 other raiders adjust to fit the demands of one, would even be in question if the raider with the schedule change had been any one other than the GM's girlfriend.
adamjgp Jan 16th 2012 4:13PM
The way I see it, there are 2 choices.
1. Push back the raid start time to accommodate the GF.
2. Start your own guild
I sympathize with the GL. If I were in his position, I would tell the guild that the raid time is moving because of my GF's scheduling change. I would also explain that I enjoy playing the game with her, as it gives us a hobby to do together. At that point it will be up to the members if they want to accommodate the new raid time, or if they want to form their own raiding group/guild that raids at the preset time. Also, the GL should understand that his choice may lead to his guild breaking up, and should not hold grudges or ill-will towards any members that choose to leave or form their own group without him and his GF.
To me the bottom line is that the GL wants to make the GF happy. If making the GF happy means inconveniencing the rest of the raid group, then so be it. He'll just have to accept the consequences of his action and move on.
It seems like option #2 is going to be the option for you since the other raiders can't change their schedules to meet the GF's new schedule.
C'est la vie
Vetriz Jan 16th 2012 5:55PM
As a GM who has been in the same predicament as the GM in the post above, I can honestly say that it's unfair to the raid and for that matter the guild to have to change everyone's schedule around to match hers.
I have been in the same situation as the GM except I think my girlfriend was a little more understanding and accepting that she might not be raiding anymore. She was previously unemployed so when she got a job we thought that it would be the end to her raiding as her schedule clashed with our raid times. I decided to propose the idea of switching days anyway but we were fully prepared for them to say no. However, it turned out that the times actually worked better for everyone else. Keywords: Better for everyone else. Had they not been, she would have just stepped down as our main tank.
The girlfriend in question here really needs to realize that just because her boyfriend is the GM doesn't mean she deserves special favors and the GM needs to realize the same. Running a guild is hard. I wouldn't even recommend doing it if you have a significant other that's going to be in the guild. Hell, I don't even recommend playing the game with your significant other UNLESS you understand that you need to keep your relationship separate from the game and if you want to raid together? Well, you both need to hold your own. My girlfriend have raided together for years but only because I put up massive dps and she's a hell of a tank - Not because we asked for it to be this way.
It bothers me to no end when i see things like this. One guy holds a group back because he wants to please his whiny girlfriend. It bothers me because I have raided without problems with my girlfriend for years and all it takes is a little understanding, keeping the game separate from your relationship! Raiding together as if you were raiding with a friend.
Long story short, no the girlfriend has no right to expect this out of you guys and my advice would be to leave. That would be my advice to my own guild if i ever pulled that on them.
Izzy Jan 16th 2012 9:06PM
Pussy always trumps gaming.
redwinger_6 Jan 17th 2012 12:23AM
Misogyny: a hatred of women. What I said is in no way misogyny, in fact, it's the opposite.
Sinthar Jan 17th 2012 11:11AM
My opinion?
1) Lisa has missed the point of the problem. Saying its 'only one hour' and telling people to do it, is saying the minority should rule the majority. How does she know that 3(for example) other people will then not have a decent raid as they only raid for 2.5 hours - minus 1 = 1.5 hours.
There is not many situations where one person should dictate to nine other people, and this is NOT one of them
2) The fact she is insisting on the time change, and that everyone MUST change to suit her, tells me the GM is on a real loser here. Demanding the change, to the point where ALL the rest of the raid team are willing to leave (7 members, the remaining 3 are the Orginal poster, the GM and his Mrs) tells me that this is probably not the first time something like this has happened, and the type of person she would be is someone who will be 'high maintenance' and I pity the GM - hes going to lose his guild and/or GF
Stfulolzwtf Jan 17th 2012 1:15PM
Though.I can say Im rather concern for this.
As it is the main problem demanding girlfriend and boyfriend on a collar.
She's being rather unfair to the GL and the guild demanding that the times be changed to fit her, When in all honesty, it wont be about her always and she has to accept that, Other people are in the tide.
I would suggesting trying to find a mid point if that mid point works for all then use it, even if its a hour or half of raiding.
Though I do hold 2 points that make me more or less worried.
Your guild is gonna crash and burn, For the times being unflexible.
And it might cause alot of drama, Most Gl's dont want to hear that your leaving over his GF's hours being changed. (To which he'll see unfair)
Though, In all honesty stare at the blank truth.
Would you if you were in the GL's position where you felt completely loyal to your GF, Try and put other people whom you probably never met IRL over your love over hours on raiding?. No, Thats the blunt truth no you wouldnt(unless your one of those guys who would be more or less doing it to which then you know your answer). The GF is main problem here as i stated above though, She's taking her power as gf and using it to get what she want's, That isnt the way to do it though. She needs to be understanding that,Just for ONE night she wont make it doesnt mean she'll lose anything, If she wants apiece of gear on a boss you'll kill that night then so what?, You'll get it next time and keep trying.
Unless its because she wants to raid with her BF, and its the only activity amongest others that she enjoys most with him.
All in all I agree with Lisa on this post, The way I see it, its point blank to point this.And it isnt gonna end well. It's a make or break deal on this and im pretty sure its more break if 7 of you are already willing to leave. Though thats my suggestion,Good luck on finding a solution! -bow-