Pokey-slow NPCs on escort quests have long been the butt of player jokes, but with more extensive NPC participation in the
patch 4.3 5-mans, I've started wondering if things are going from bad to worse. Shortly after patch 4.3 hit, I wrote on Twitter that Tyrande, Illidan, and Malfurion in the Well of Eternity are all shining examples of
players who would be vote-kicked from the average PUG.
Really! Think about it:
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Tyrande runs out of arrows, still manages to pull aggro, and then stops DPSing entirely past a certain point during the Mannoroth fight.
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Illidan thinks he's leet and never shuts up, and he's also the archetypal Go Guy from Wowcrendor's How to win at PUGs and Gear Score.
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Malfurion goes AFK before the boss fight and then (conveniently enough) shows up while loot is being distributed.
So does this mean that the average person with a bit of common sense is a better player than three major lore figures? I think it kinda does. This is not to say that all NPC participation in your questing or 5-mans is bad (
Anduin Wrynn during the Alliance's
pre-Twilight Highlands quests is pretty cool), but I hope this isn't a sign of more to come. Oh, and Thrall -- epic ground mounts are not expensive these days. You have no excuse.
Tags: facebookfeed, game-discussion, gamer-discussion, illidan, illidan-stormrage, malfurion, malfurion-stormrage, npc, npcs, thrall, tyrande, tyrande-whisperwind, well-of-eternity, world-of-warcraft-discussion, world-of-warcraft-topics, wow-discussion, wow-hot-topics, wow-issues, wow-topics
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Jan 17th 2012 at 8:00AM 
Reader Comments (Page 3 of 5)
ElrithCC Jan 17th 2012 8:50AM
These jokes are funny and all, but it's a shame the way so many of these jokes turn into memes in the community and actual content is legitimately judged based upon their standards.
srodrigueziii Jan 17th 2012 10:56AM
I completely disagree....
...these jokes aren't the least bit funny.
Cyno01 Jan 17th 2012 2:57PM
I used to judge actual content legitimately based upon standards...
Then i took an arrow to the knee.
Gordal Jan 17th 2012 8:52AM
Tyrande hasn't been bothered to read the 4.0.1 patch notes, she draws aggro, and whines all the damn time. She'd be kicked in half a second in any group I lead.
brckshaw Jan 17th 2012 8:56AM
I'd kick Arthas from CoS. Never buffs you... :'(
slim1256 Jan 17th 2012 9:09AM
Heh - this is one of the better breakfast topics in recent memory for me, Allison.
I LOL'd.
Tovin Jan 17th 2012 9:12AM
Give 'em a break Allison...that was millenia ago. They were noobs then. ;)
chaosdefined Jan 17th 2012 9:20AM
Pretty much every NPC on an escort quest that runs out of its way to aggro a mob you were nowhere near, then once you've killed it they run back to where the were. Even worse when they actually ran in the direction of where they were going in order to kill it and then ran backwards!
Also, any NPC that walks during an escape. It's a frackin escape not a scenic tour!!
Eladonra Jan 17th 2012 12:25PM
I believe Blizz has an IQ test for escort quest NPCs. If you are intelligent enough to run and avoid mobs, you can't have a quest. Only the stupid need apply.
StClair Jan 17th 2012 3:19PM
The exception, of course, being Harrison Jones. Who escorts YOU.
Dea ex Machina Jan 18th 2012 12:15AM
Bonus points if, while SPRINTING ACROSS THE CLEARING in order to punch a mob in the face who was YARDS AWAY, the NPC is screaming "HE'S COMING RIGHT AT ME!"
F#$% that ^&*#ing elf...
Minos Jan 24th 2012 11:45PM
There's a reason they got captured and needed to be rescued in the first place.
alexeipavlov1974 Jan 17th 2012 9:22AM
Tyrande (before OOA) and Illidan (ignored) both are doing pretty good damage.
Malfurion and Nozdormu/Zonromdu/Whateverzmu are n00bs! Should be kicked asap from any group.
finlator Jan 17th 2012 9:27AM
I'm ready to vote-kick Tyrande every time she opens her mouth. Awfullest fake accent I have ever heard. I know Blizz hands out voice acting gigs to its employees but there's such thing as a laugh test -- or maybe I should say a cringe test -- and this one fails it utterly. WTB half competent voice acting.
D Jan 17th 2012 9:29AM
Thrall needs to hurry the hell up too.
Adnarish Jan 17th 2012 1:14PM
Oh yes, Thrall!
The following was written by The Renaissance Man over at The Children of Wrath: http://childrenofwrath.blogspot.com/2011/12/everything-i-need-to-know-about-playing.html
A select number of lines, check out the full post at his site linked to above:
---------------------------------
"Everything I Need to Know About Playing My Shaman, I Learned From Thrall.
* Mounts are for chumps, real Shaman use Ghost Wolf.
* Drop only one totem, any more and you're just being elitist.
* When you drop your raid cooldown, it's important that you yourself do not stand in it. This might make you seem selfish. So stand away from your bubble, even if it means you get hit by the giant boss AoE and can't help in the second half of the fight.
* Wind Shear is a brutal DPS loss. No matter how many mobs are casting, never wind shear, it's time that could be better spent meleeing."
---------------------------------
Again, the full post is over at The Children of Wrath.
alexeipavlov1974 Jan 17th 2012 9:30AM
Coz he was a proto-retardin.
ravyncat Jan 17th 2012 9:35AM
I wouldn't kick either Illidan or Tyrande.
They aren't perfect...but they are cool. I love the cheesy dialogue.
I like Tyrande even with the odd accent. I love that Illidan is the Gogogo guy. XD
Nozdormu is too pretty to kick. I don't care if all he does is float around and make dramatic speeches throughout End Time.
He did not KNOW~
Thrall annoys the hell out of me though. I would definitely kick him.
(This is partly because I am just tired of him. Thrall has been too used this expansion--which isn't his fault. In other circumstances I might not be as annoyed.)
Silversol Jan 17th 2012 12:35PM
Hour of Twilight gives me flashbacks of Escape from Durnholde.
DracoSuave Jan 17th 2012 9:53AM
I'm convinced he's botting, I mean, he always says the exact same responses.