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Drama Mamas: How to find gaming buddies

Drama Mamas Lisa Poisso and Robin Torres are experienced gamers and real-life mamas -- and just as we don't want our precious babies to be the ones kicking and wailing on the floor of the checkout lane next to the candy, neither do we want you to become known as That Guy on your realm.

We've talked before about how to leave your guild, but what happens after that?
Hey Drama Mamas!

Today i write to you lovely ladies with a problem that I have been wrestling with for almost 4 years: finding someone to play World of Warcraft with. Here is the high and low of it, or rather the long and short:

Four or so years ago my brother starts playing a game that I considered to be a money sand trap: World of Warcraft, I cannot honestly say I was friendly to the franchise as at the time I was Neverwinter Night's personal slave (still am sometimes) but to make a long story short (too late) I was persuaded to take a vacation to Azeroth and I have never left. I fell in love with the planet and its people and while my hearth stone will always be set to Neverwinter, I am really enjoying my time in Azeroth.
But here is my dilemma; I'm lonely. Not long after I started playing my brother quit, after that I soloed until I convinced my two best friends to play (who were a couple, mistake number one) but when they broke up they started getting on at different times and then more and more infrequently and now not at all, then (having run out of RL friends who play) I spent the next year jumping from guild to guild, trying to find the right family. Eventually I found one, in my eyes the perfect guild; we raided, we did group quests, leveled alts together, helped each other with achievements, and protected each other from gankers (this was on my old pvp server), we even held in game parties with contests and prizes and guild meet ups twice a year but we were a progression guild and after 2 years of running together we hit a rock, all progression stopped and people got frustrated, and then it didn't take long for the frustration to turn into arguments and then the five words you never want to see when logging in, "your guild has been disbanded"

These days I just play by myself, I have joined a new guild but it doesn't have the same atmosphere as my old one and I find that I am just keeping to myself when I log in and because we are so big (we had to split in two) often requests for this or that quest/group go unnoticed or unanswered. Of all the RL friends who I used to play with only one still plays but she lives in a different country and with the time difference and my work schedule, play time is sparse. I have a boyfriend who I would love to get playing but he doesn't express any desire to play (and if he thinks that makes me sad/offended every time i ask and he refuses he buys me play time and in game pets ^_^)

So now I ask, any advice? Do I look for the "right" guild? Do i put an ad on the forums "help wanted, friendly players who like playing and doing anything and everything in game and not take anything seriously and have fun?" or maybe a real life ad? I don't know, I'm not very social I just like being with other people.

Sincerely with the greatest respect and appreciation,

LFG

Drama Mama RobinDrama Mama Robin: LFG, your situation is quite common in the physical world as well. If someone wants to play darts, pool, softball or whatever competitively and no friends want to join, how does one find people to do this with?

Let's say I want to shoot pool competitively again but have been out of the league for some time and have moved. What can I do?
  • Contact my old team members and ask if they know of anyone or any place near me that they can recommend.
  • Hang around in bars with pool tables and try to make friends while playing with strangers.
  • Go to tournaments, socialize, and see if I hit it off with any one team.
  • List myself officially as looking for a team in the area.
  • Enter myself into solo events and see if anyone approaches me. (This idea is the scariest for me.)
  • Look online for local leagues that may be looking for members and take the plunge blindly.
  • Ask another group I belong to (knitting, parents at my child's school, the local YMCA) if they play or can recommend people for me to play with.
I'm sure there are other ways to connect, too, but the point is that there are methods both in game and out to join a team of like-minded people that you actually enjoy. To translate into WoW terminology, you could:
  • Contact any of the members of the guild you really liked to see if they have calmed down, are still enjoying the game, and belong to a guild you might like.
  • Hang around in bars. OK, that won't really help here, but it's fun.
  • Join any local server events or raids and see if you hit it off with anyone participating people who can recommend their guild.
  • Scan the forums looking for guilds that want new members and seem to have a similar mindset.
  • Ask another group you belong to in the physical world if any of them play WoW. You may be surprised that the acquaintance you have at the gym also plays or someone in your book club is hiding a secret World of Warcraft habit.
  • Look at online forums for your other interests and see if there is anyone who hangs out in Azeroth too.
  • You could use the Guild Finder tool, but ... well ... that's not really that helpful, unfortunately.
I can't recommend listing yourself as looking for a guild on the forums because you're just going to get trolls, unfortunately. Nobody wants that. I think that your best bets are numbers 1, 4 and 6.

I know there are many others like you who want the same things, LFG. Good luck in finding each other.

Drama Mama LisaDrama Mama Lisa: Drama Mama Lisa is random today. Maybe not as random as Drama Mama "Go to a Bar" Robin ... but random enough.

Randomly:
  • Try something entirely new. Like ... ever roleplayed? Go check out the scene. (I don't recommend showing up at a random location on a random RP realm; I do recommend poking through RP realm forums first.) Not your cup of tea? Our 15 Minutes of Fame column is packed with players who take all sorts of unusual angles to the game -- you could find something that sparks an interest.
  • Stop pestering your boyfriend about playing. Love him for who he is, rather than pushing him away over what he's not.
  • Sort out what you actually want. You say you're "not very social and just like being with other people," yet you're unhappy that your new guild feels relatively unresponsive and you find yourself keeping to yourself. Frankly, if you're not very social and just like being around others, this guild sounds like a pretty good match -- so perhaps you should pause to reevaluate what it is that you're really after.
  • Hint: It sounds like you're still looking for a gaming buddy.
  • If it's people you want, make an alt and try Spectacular Death or It came from the Blog. These two guilds (the former, long-time friends of WoW Insider; the latter, actual WoW Insider readers) have become my default solution for players in search of a laid-back place to have fun with maturity, stability and no drama.
Keep at it, and there will almost assuredly be fun and gaming buddies in your future!

Dodge the drama and become that player everyone wants in their group with a little help and insight from the Drama Mamas. Play nice ... and when in doubt, ask the Drama Mamas at robin@wowinsider.com. Read Robin's section of this post on how to get your letter answered and please remember that we cannot answer privately.

Filed under: Analysis / Opinion, Guilds, Drama Mamas

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