Just three pink flamingos? Nice try, Laume of Steamwheedle Cartel (EU-A), but the Pail & Shovel Party from my dear old alma mater has you beat. Ah, the good old days, when election-year promises were at least entertaining. If Mitt Romney would promise to throw a 10,000-person toga party and flood football stadiums for naval battles, this endless political primary season might be over a lot sooner.

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