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4-02-2012 @ 1:20PM
Both gave great advice. But Robin, I think your analysis was spot-on. There is an elephant in the room, and it's the fact that the wife works and props up the family, while the husband stays at home and plays WoW.Maybe there's a good reason he doesn't work - maybe he has a disability, or is unemployed but actively looking. That isn't the point. The point is that there's a serious disparity in this couple's responsibility balance. The idea that the wife can fix it by playing WoW to connect with the rest of the family? That's simply a cosmetic step that won't fix the deeper problems.If she wants to play, that's cool. Go for it! But I agree with Robin that there are proobably deeper issues here that require counceling.
4-02-2012 @ 2:01PM
Speaking as someone who does have a disability and plays games to distract from the pain and such involved with it -- I still make time for my husband. I may not be much help around the house, but I can take a couple hours to talk, or watch TV, or play games together, or something. (We don't have kids, so that doesn't really come into the picture for us.) I still make sure that his emotional needs are being met (as much as is realistic for me to do). Even if there is a disability in the picture, the LW obviously feels left out and ignored. And that right there is the problem, even more than whether he's chipping in with the household stuff.
4-02-2012 @ 2:08PM
Yeah, I kinda cringed at that. If he's able to play all day while she's working, he should be able to put it aside for a while in the evening to pay attention to his wife. It doesn't matter why he's not working, what matters is that he spends time with his wife, and with being home all the time not working, that's a significant amount of 'me' time he already gets, he should be able to put some evenings aside to spend with the writer.
4-02-2012 @ 3:16PM
Counseling doesn't work. The clean break and fresh start of a divorce will make the letter writer wonder why she didn't do it sooner. Sometimes it's just time to move on, and adult kids + an unemployed husband = a situation crying for a divorce.
4-02-2012 @ 4:51PM
We really don't have enough info., IMO, to take either Lisa's or Robin's perspective. It might be true, it might not -- too many "what ifs" in the picture.The bottom line is she isn't happy and feels excluded.She claims she is too busy to get included but might try anyhow (meaning she isn't that busy to try). This sounds more like, "they like to play something she doesn't, she doesn't have anything else to do but work... so she works and then resents them for playing" instead of spending time with her.Obviously being unhappy means it's time to talk. Playing a game she isn't inspired to play is unlikely the answer. Discussing how much free time everyone spends on free activities (including WoW) as well as balancing the chores does make sense. Feeling excluded shouldn't.My wife knows when I raid it's my time and she plans her activities around this. I know when she hangs with her friends and I plan my activities around that. But we also work together on things and always make some time for each other -- it doesn't take tons just to let someone know your still connected.
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