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Drama Mamas: More results from the letter writers

Drama Mamas Lisa Poisso and Robin Torres are experienced gamers and real-life mamas -- and just as we don't want our precious babies to be the ones kicking and wailing on the floor of the checkout lane next to the candy, neither do we want you to become known as That Guy on your realm.

We had three letters ready to go this week, but one of the letter writers has since requested not to be featured here, so we're respecting the request. This often happens, when someone writes a letter to us and then soon after asks that we not answer it. Sometimes it's because the situation resolved itself, and sometimes it's more due to not wanting to be identified.

We recommend letting your letter sit overnight before sending it -- and that goes for any emotionally charged email under any circumstances. What you want to get out in the heat of the moment is often not the same as what you really want to say the next day.

Regardless, here are more results. First, we have a happy ending for the situation where the GM wouldn't give up control of his guild.
Hi, im the concerned guild officer from the 'GM who wont give up control' article from june last year, i thought i would post a update on what happened.

So i linked your article to the officers and we had a talk with the GM explaining what he was doing and that the other 200 actual people in the guild didn't need it and he basically cut it out and went almost silent. He didn't give up the GM control, but he basically took care of the guild bank and recruiting whilst i took charge of organising raiding and another officer took charge of guild events and all in all things greatly improved. We got the good atmosphere back and he was happily away counting his inks and glyphs horde and didn't bother anyone or cause those awkward vent silences anymore.
Since then we only really had one big 'dramuh' event from him, When he spent a month after pandarias launch at lvl 85 saying "s$%&* of pandaring wasn't worth buying" and "he would be the best lvl 85 warlock in the world". Then a few weeks later when he saw everyone was having a grand old time at lvl 90 he took 50,000g out of the guild bank to buy a mists license off another player. Annoying to us, but the next day he put 200k in so no big deal. Just a little amusing that after spending 36 hours straight killing the same yaunghol in kun lai to get to 90 he is now back to sitting in sw complaining again.

So i guess some things never change, but your advice was enough for the officers to get together and take charge of leading the guild. Sure having him in the GM position is still awkward, but now the guild is running better than ever even with our useless figurehead. Which i guess in the long run showed us that the "GM crown" doesn't really mean much in the end. It was up to us as the officers to act as a group and make it a fun place for everyone and more than just a bank. Because a guild is never really about one person, its about the group.

Its not perfect, but it works.
We were rather tough on Anonymous and the drama surrounding a friendship and someone he hated. He responded in the comments. Anonymous isn't one for brevity, but yay for happy endings!

Wow, I'm surprised and happy to see that my email had been chosen to be addressed by the Drama Mamas. I appreciate the time taken to respond to my email. The responses from readers was interesting to read through as well.

I have to admit, I'm a bit surprised by the overall response I've received from the Mamas which seems to contrast starkly with that of the readers. I had tried to be as brief as possible in my email while not leaving out details which could be important in preventing confusion/misunderstandings about the situation(s). I feel that I wasn't successful and that some assumptions were made.

I'd mainly like to point out the use of the word 'ultimatum'. I never once issued an ultimatum. I have made decisions of my own accord. But, I never once said "do things my way or I'm going to do this and make you regret it". As such, I don't really appreciate how you, Robin, have laced your response in such a way as to make me out as the jerk in all of this. Lisa, your response has come off as a bit condescending. I was a tad disappointed with the response I read from both of you. However, I feel that this might stem from my failure to communicate effectively.
Concerning the tank situation, the guy was being a tool. He was wiping us repeatedly. My friend and I group all the time and every once in a while a tank like this will appear. We are on the same page when it comes to getting rid of tanks that only join to troll the group. It wasn't me just making a selfish decision on my own behalf. It was protocol. This was not an ultimatum; he *was* going to be kicked regardless for his trolling shenanigans.

I hadn't made a huge fuss about Zed being around at first. I asked my friend about this in private and decided to give him another chance, as I had mentioned in the original letter. I tried grouping with him and filling raid spots when he was missing a healer but, instead, he had put my characters on ignore right off the bat. I was willing to work things out but he kept doing small things while in my guild that built up over time to the crazy drama fest that inspired the sending of this letter.

I would like to also address your point on my friend showing loyalty, Robin. I'm unsure if I had spoken of this in my original email, but I had helped form this guild to get away from Zed and those who supported him. This was a fresh start with my closest friends. My friend knew my history with Zed. She knew he hated me and she knew I hated him. She proceeded to invite him into the guild anyways. Her behavior afterwards with trying to get me to group with Zed is not a display of loyalty in my eyes. I had specifically asked her to stop stealth-inviting him into groups I'm in and she continued to do so. It was blatant disrespect towards me. My refusal to group with Zed, I might add is not an ultimatum. It was simply my own choice. Why should I have to group with people I don't enjoy being around? I didn't threaten action in retaliation if she continued to group with him; I simply didn't want to be around him.

Regardless, I really do appreciate the two of you taking the time to respond to my email. It's been interesting to read everybody's comments as well.

As for the situation itself, here's an update for those who are curious: Seeing issues unrelated to myself occur within the guild and during raiding, I've decided to find a new guild. The night I left I was asked to fill in as a pug healer for a different guild. Joined them as a member the next day. Haven't heard a peep of drama and I only wish I wasn't convinced to rejoin my old guild after I left it the first time.

All's well that ends well.


Dodge the drama and become that player everyone wants in their group with a little help and insight from the Drama Mamas. Play nice ... and when in doubt, ask the Drama Mamas at robin@wowinsider.com. Read Robin's section of this post on how to get your letter answered and please remember that we cannot answer privately.

Filed under: Analysis / Opinion, Drama Mamas

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