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Drama Mamas: Girlfriend gamer

Drama Mamas Lisa Poisso and Robin Torres are experienced gamers and real-life mamas -- and just as we don't want our precious babies to be the ones kicking and wailing on the floor of the checkout lane next to the candy, neither do we want you to become known as That Guy on your realm.

Do you remember when WoW was shiny and new? Ah, memories.
Dear Drama Mamas,

I am fairly new to gaming. I started playing about 4 months ago and have since become borderline obsessed with how much fun I am having. There are tons of things to do and I love discovering new things all the time. Currently I belong to my Boyfriend's guild. We play on a very low pop server and there are currently only 4 active members in the guild. He and His friends like it that way- and that's fine. They are all in charge and have been gaming forever. Mostly they focus on occasional PVP (and pet battles- don't tell him I told you!). I really enjoy playing with them and don't feel self conscious about my occasional noob-ness,However I feel that being a part of his guild/ playing on a low pop. server is a limiting experience for me as a newer gamer.
There are several aspects of the game I have yet to try because my fellow guild mates are no longer interested in them. For example, Raiding is a huge one. I have been informed it's a hassle but would like to make a decision after experiencing it first hand. There are other in game experiences I'd like to participate more in such as dungeons etc that I am told are easier/ more fun with company that you know and can vibe with. I also feel that I am missing out on the MM (Massively Multiplayer - isn't that cool to be a part of?!) part of the game. I want to make more friends!I haven't mentioned any of this to my Boyfriend because I don't want him to feel bad or feel obligated to go on runs with me etc.

Whats should I do? I have a max lvl character and don't know if I would consider transferring to another server- I still really like playing with the hand full of people I know. Should I start over with another toon on a different server? (I am so very attached to my main though). Will other people be mean? I'd appreciate any advice, Thank You!

Kindly,

Girlfriend Gamer
Drama Mama RobinDrama Mama Robin: Communication is key to all relationships and to this problem. You should absolutely attempt other parts of the game, with or without your boyfriend's company -- but you need to talk to him first. Tell him how you feel about the low population server and that you'd like to try raiding for yourself. Ask him to join you on a Raid Finder run. Ask him what he thinks about you rolling a character on a more populated server. Tell him you feel your experience is limited and you'd like to see more of the game.

The way I see it, one of three things will happen:
  1. He will understand and want to join you.
  2. He will understand, but not want to join you.
  3. He will get upset that you won't take his word for it and that you want to do things he no longer wants to do.
If you get number 3 as a response, unfortunately, you will need to re-evaluate your relationship. But that's a whole other pile of steaming drama. If you get this kind of an answer, transferring to another server may be your best bet. Also, be wary of other ways he is trying to control you.

But let's assume he's not That Guy. If he understands, but doesn't want to join you, do play with the Raid Finder on your own. It's not a true guild progression raiding experience, but you will get a general idea of what that aspect of the game is all about. And I would definitely try a new character on a high pop server and even a new faction.

If he does want to join you then yippee! That's the best response and I think you'll both have wonderful adventures together exploring the rest of what World of Warcraft has to offer.

One last thing. You ask if other people will be mean. Unfortunately, the answer is yes. Every once in a while, you are going to encounter a funsucker. And also unfortunately, one funsucker being mean to you is worth about 20 people being nice to you. I wish that weren't the case, but that's how most of us feel.

When you come across someone who verbally bashes you, try not to take it to heart. See if you can glean anything from it. Is the funsucker upset about something you legitimately did wrong? Then take it as a nasty way to learn a valuable lesson. For example, I once got a whisper in a battleground that I was an idiot. I complained out loud and The Spousal Unit informed me that taking that particular graveyard was strategically incorrect. I learned. But I also whispered the guy back, suggesting that he should educate rather than berate. Maybe he learned too.

Is it just a random grief? Then try to focus on the positive and extricate yourself from the griefer as quickly as possible. If you're in a situation where you can kick, do so. If not, then leave. /ignore is your friend and will prevent you from having to group with that character again.

I have to admit I'm so excited for you. The game is new for you in a way that it will never be for many of us again. Enjoy! And let us know what happens.

Drama Mama LisaDrama Mama Lisa: In today's game, you really do have time to have it all. Once you dive into group and raid content, however, your gear and focus will rapidly outpace those of your more PvP-oriented boyfriend and guildmates (unless they've already done all of that content on their current mains).

Even if your boyfriend expressly agrees to play with you, your best bet is another character for grouping. You'll want to maintain a character who's still in sync with your current group of friends, and more importantly, if your boyfriend's interest peters out before you get what you came for, you won't be stuck with nothing but another character on the same low-pop realm.

Grouping with other people means making a character where more people are. Consider all the realm types and options, and put some thought into what specific type of guild you think you'd like. You want somewhere with guilds that are open to new members and still fairly early on the raid progression curve. Once you've found a likely realm that offers plenty of potential, get leveling! Hit the Dungeon Finder as soon as you're eligible, so you can get the feel of grouping (and the initial social shock of the inevitable bad apple players) out of the way before you hit level 90 again.

Starting from scratch may seem like a tall order, but with your level of enthusiasm for the game, I think you'll have fun, especially if you try the other faction and/or a new class. Think about how you'll manage your time so you can accomplish your own goals while preserving time to play with your current friends. Then get out there and level -- you'll be taking down bosses in no time!

Dodge the drama and become that player everyone wants in their group with a little help and insight from the Drama Mamas. Play nice ... and when in doubt, ask the Drama Mamas at robin@wowinsider.com. Read Robin's section of this post on how to get your letter answered and please remember that we cannot answer privately.

Filed under: Analysis / Opinion, Drama Mamas

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