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Drama Mamas: Raiding remedies

Drama Mamas Lisa Poisso and Robin Torres are experienced gamers and real-life mamas -- and just as we don't want our precious babies to be the ones kicking and wailing on the floor of the checkout lane next to the candy, neither do we want you to become known as That Guy on your realm.

The above video has nothing to do with this week's topic. I just like it. Anyway, this week we have two letters again, both about raid teams. Lisa and I disagree on the second letter, which is always fun.
Dear Drama Mamas,

I have a problem with my guild that I was hoping I could get some insight on.

[...]

My guild is a casual guild with one core 10-man raid group. They have been having issues with attendance with one of their dps and one frustrated afternoon asked me to step in. At first I was asked to be a substitute but as time went on it became apparent that their dps was not going to return. When I started I was poorly geared but with a little hard work, some enchants and gems, and reforging I was able to greatly improve not only my gear but my dps. I was thrilled and can honestly say very happy with the way things were going.
But I wasn't improving fast enough. Throne of Thunder came out and we were behind. After several weeks of trying, the core raiders were getting frustrated and while everyone (I assume at least) seemed to enjoy my presence it seemed...well it seemed to me, even though no one expressed it specifically to me, it seemed some of them felt like they were carrying me and didn't want to anymore. Long story short (too late I know) I was benched. I was assured it was just while they worked on progression and I'm still on the substitute list, the B team, as it were, I can't help feel...rough.

I understand that I was not performing as expected and they needed to think what's best for the guild and team moral but it still stings a little. To compound the issue, they beat the boss I really wanted to kill for a specific achievement (the TeS Sha). Well that matter is done with and while sometimes I still feel a little tinge of jealousy when I log on during raid nights I have set out to better my position.

I rolled a new class and just recently started running LFR with him. I love my new class and he seems to just click with me as I am doing better dps then my previous character and having way more fun!

So my issue is this: I want back into the core raid team. I just don't know how to ask. Do I just simply whisper our raid leader and ask for my spot back? Do I wait until we have another Sat alt raid (which took the place of our old raid runs) and prove how my dps has improved and see if they will ask me back on their own? And what about the guy they replaced me with? I don't want to bump him, because I'm sure he is having fun too and I'd feel guilty over that. Or should I leave things alone and wait to see of they need a sub again or if a permanent spot opens?

Signed,
Sitting on the Sideline

Drama Mama RobinDrama Mama Robin: It's wonderful when you click with a new class. It's like WoW becomes fresh and new again. Grats for finding your true in-game self!

But while I'm sure you're doing better than your previous class/spec combo, actions speak louder than words. Whatever you do, don't ask for your spot back. Prove your worth by participating in the Saturday alt raid and showing off your new skills. Once you have raid worthy numbers -- which may not be right away -- then and only then ask to sub or maybe even be put in a rotation.

In the meantime, make sure you do all you can to get geared up. That will really help your numbers and prove that you're willing to work hard for a raid spot. If you need a guide to help you get your ilevel up, try this one for gearing up alts. Good luck!

Drama Mama LisaDrama Mama Lisa: In the meantime, try to keep in mind that the old raid position you raided in was never actually "your" raid spot. You subbed for a good stretch, but by your telling, you weren't quite able to put out the performance to make it permanently yours. That's not to make you feel bad about it -- but neither should you work yourself up into a state of indignant entitlement by telling yourself that it that raid position was "yours."

By that token, it would be wildly inappropriate for you to "ask for your spot back." And as for the guy who filled the position you vacated, you should worry about him -- that's his DPS you're aiming to outgun.

As Robin said, take care of your business first, every last scrap of pre-raid and LFR gear and enhancements that you can manage. Get in there on Saturdays and show your chops. Only then should you ask to be considered for a regular raid sub or rotation. At that point, you'll be a natural choice!

Hello Drama Mama's,

I've been a part of a guild for the last 3 years. Im currently second in command and know the guild leader very well, both in real life and in game. We've always been somewhat of a raiding guild, not hard core but enough to want to progress and raid with friends.

Earlier this year we began on Heart of Fear and trying to get through it so we can carry on to Terrace of Endless Spring. But unfortunately we lost our raid leader, his girl friend, a healer, and a couple of DPS on a 10 man team due to their senior year of school at their college. That's quite a chunk of our team gone in a matter of a week.

My guild leader, also my friend who has no back bone and some anxiety disorders as well. Began to freak out and didn't know who to make the new raid leader, tank, healer, etc. I was the healer, and always number one on the charts. So to help her out I became the raid leader AND new tank. (I play a Monk) I began to rebuild the team recruited within the guild.

But I noticed I was taking on a lot of work. After I did my "homework" of looking up boss strategies and such and then explaining it to the my guildies via mumble...it seemed they weren't listening. They were cutting up in game...doing /yells, /says, and giggling. Just clearly not paying attention.

After weeks of wiping we finally made it to the 4th boss in HoF. But I could tell the team was getting burnt out. People not showing up, people saying they don't want to raid that night, and so on and so on. The guild leader decided that it was my fault and blamed ME for not trying hard enough to get people motivated to raid. I was doing the "homework" for 9 other people who clearly wasn't paying attention or care to looking forward on what to do with bosses. I became annoyed at this and me and my friend (which again is also the guild leader) had somewhat of a falling out but I remained in the guild.

We eventually made up but I told her I was not the raid leader anymore and its up to her to figure that out. As of last week, we had a meeting on what to do for future raids. I announced that I was no longer a tank, nor the raid leader, I was going back to my first love which is healing, and remaining there. (We also had a few people we kicked off the team due to inactivity with the guild and raiding which is how I got my healing spot back.)

One of the other people in the team, who is a healer and her partner is tank/dps, decided to...I will say "dominate" the meeting and told us we should do things HER way but not in such a blunt way. She also formed the days around her partners work schedule. (He has an odd work schedule, he works two days, off two days, works two days, off two days and so on and so on. My Guild leader with no back bone bend to her, and now we are forced to raid 3 days a week and the next week raid only one day.

This is crazy! I have been wondering if I should find another team for the toon I wish to raid on. Or just leave the guild entirely due to my friend and guild leader with no back bone...help if you can please!

Sincerely,
Torn and confused.

Drama Mama RobinDrama Mama Robin: Torn, you should leave. Not only does your GM not have a backbone, but your raid team isn't as serious as you are. You were doing all the homework for people who just wanted to play around ... when they wanted to play at all. Unless this healer ends up being an amazing Raid Leader who is able to pull the not-so-serious raiders together into a real team, it's time to go.

Take a look at our guide to leaving your guild without drama. And you can always stay in touch with your friends even though you're no longer playing with them.

They'll miss your hard work, but you won't miss the drama. Hopefully you'll be able to find a new raiding home that suits both your level of seriousness and your schedule and hopefully you will find it soon. Let us know what happens.

Drama Mama LisaDrama Mama Lisa: But wait ... Didn't you want to raid? It sounds like the other healer is making strong headway at getting the existing team rolling in a fruitful way. What she has proposed is not a traditional schedule, no. But it works for the people you currently have left -- and if your guildmates enjoy one another's company and want to stick together while buckling down on progression, this is the kind of creative thinking your guild needs.

You obviously aren't a big fan of the other healer's personality or of not having your or your friend the GM running the show. Other than that, though, the guild appears to be doing all the right things, particularly in light of the GM's tacit approval. If you find the situation that distasteful, it might be time to look for another guild -- but I think you owe it to yourself, your friend the GM, and your guildmates to try to adjust to being out of the leader's seat and help revitalize the guild you're already part of.
Dodge the drama and become that player everyone wants in their group with a little help and insight from the Drama Mamas. Play nice ... and when in doubt, ask the Drama Mamas at robin@wowinsider.com. Read Robin's section of this post on how to get your letter answered and please remember that we cannot answer privately.

Filed under: Analysis / Opinion, Drama Mamas

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