"My shaman was questing in Spires of Arak when she caught a Smoldering Ancient in a tender moment with a much younger tree," writes submitter Lib. "Perhaps they were kindling a new romance?" Eh, I bet he's one of those creepy old trees that considers Matthew McConaughey's character in Dazed and Confused a role model. Or Matthew McConaughey's character in True Detective.

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