Filed under: Around Azeroth

Submitter Wauzledop of Ancient Order of UMs on Doomhammer (US-A) has only recently set foot in Pandaria, but he's already amassed himself a little cult following. Little being the operative word here. Sure, Wauzledop might be strutting around the Jade Forest throwing up gang signs, but it's very difficult to establish a hegemonic criminal enterprise when your minions are constantly getting patted on the head and called adorable snuggly-bumpkins.

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Nope nope nope. Not going out today. Sure, I've got dailies to complete, reps to grind, and dungeons to complete. But there's no way I'm going out in this rain. My feathers are going to get all wet and smelly and the other night elves will make fun of me. Plus, the mantid swarm in this particular hive is binge-watching Arrested Development, and there's just no way I can miss that with the new season coming up. Think I'll just order in some dinner from the Remote Auction House and do my questing tomorrow. (Thanks to Funkychickin of Carpe Jugulum on Saurfang [US-A] for the screenshot!)

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Sure, both of these panda cubs are cute, but only one is so cute that it transcends the very bonds of gravity and gives off an unearthly aura of peace and harmony. But which transmogrified member of Akamizu on Al'Akir (EU-H) is the enlightened one? Druid Gonk or rogue Samíe? I vote for the latter; there's nothing more adorable than a female pandaren. She's probably happily recalling her childhood (cubhood?)

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"I'd just finished slaughtering the mother of all virmin when I saw all the little baby vermin singing to me," writes submitter Siobhraich of The Brotherhood of Iron on Wyrmrest Accord (US-A). "Mouths open, throats quivering in eerie harmony. It held me speechless in terror -- right up until all the rest of the virmin horde respawned right on top of me. One dwarf mage, splattered all over the landscape. Next time, I'm blowing up any and all cute fuzzy animals, babies or not." You just killed their mom! What did you expect?

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It's not that I don't trust your flying skills, sweetheart. I'm just a little concerned that a dragon made of stone might not be the most aerodynamic thing there is. All it takes is one crack in the wing and bam, I'm a widow. And you don't even have life insurance! So I packed you a parachute, just in case. Now give me five minutes; I need to figure out how to get this seat belt to fit across your mount's wingspan. And could you make sure I installed the airbag in that front horn? (Thanks to submitter Sam for the screenshot!)

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What does Crazyazell of Serenity Knights on Bronzebeard (US-A) do after a long day of questing around Pandaria, raising an army of the damned and spreading pestilence and plague among her enemies? Why, relax in a public hot tub, surrounded by flowers and candles. Looks inviting, right? But be careful about joining her. A death knight's bath is probably filled with more diseases than a Seaside Heights sauna.

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"Warriorjoe of Spectacular Death on Llane (US-A) just got exalted with Nat Pagle and was showing off his super comfy fishing chair to Gimmlette," writes prolific submitter Gimmlette. "Being the nice guy that he is, he pulled out a murloc that Gimm could ride because she was feeling down that she didn't have a super comfy fishing chair. Their evening of fishing up Redbelly Mandarins was interrupted by a giant Krakkanon. Once dispatched, they went back to their chairs to discuss just how something that big turns up in the pond north of Niuzao Temple."

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"Please allow me to introduce myself , I'm a man of wealth and taste," quotes submitter Molotropo of Nerf This on Quel'Thalas (US-H). "Well, lots of taste and like 990k less gold after paying for the damn mount." Dear God, and I thought the amount I spent making my Jeweled Onyx Panther was excessive. Note to self: never go near the Black Market Auction House.

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Submitter Jainai of Exiles of Hephaestus on Moon Guard (US-A) writes, "I discovered that Thousand Needles' bubble-based speed boost also applies to your mount, meaning you can go for something resembling a 200% speed jaunt along the floor of the Shimmering Flats. It's like Vash'jir, but 50 levels lower and with 100% less chance of being eaten by a whale shark, since the only one in the area has been dead for two expansions." Now let's see how well it goes when she bubble-hearths and only her head winds up in Stormwind.

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Thanksh for letting me drink here tonight, friend. I usually don't get out of Nagrand much, and I don't have a lot of visitorsh coming around these days, so I really appreciate you making the effort here. I'm just ... so lonely, you know? No one wants to fight their way through a bunch of lowbie ogresh anymore, not even the levelers. At least those guys in Serpentshrine Cavern and The Eye will get pet battlersh coming to see them too. No, I don't need a taxi. I'm cool to drive. Serioushly. Look at my size! I'd have to drink a whole brewery to blow a .08. (Thanks to submitter Banshih of Ravenwing on Moon Guard [US-H] for the screenshot!)

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We at Around Azeroth recently received this frantic phone call (collect, natch) warning us about a potentially explosive story:

"This is Donhorn, ace druid reporter for Terminus on Icecrown (US-H), coming to you live from Orgrimmar where I have found out about a dark pact that features the most unlikely of duos: Garrosh Hellscream and Lou Lou the baby panda! He may just look cute sitting next to the portal to Pandaria while giving Magic Bamboo Shoots to people, but that's just a front. He is actually the mastermind behind all of Garrosh's insane decisions recently and has been working diligently to bring the Burning Legion directly to the heart of Orgrimmar! This fiendish little ball of fluff must be stopped at all costs!"

Efforts to follow up on this accusation have been met with repeated laughter from Horde officials.

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Submitter Korranne of Azeroth Social Society on Alterac Mountains (US-A) tries to be a responsible battle pet owner. She makes sure that they get a varied diet by feeding them the flesh of their defeated enemies, She even spays and neuters them so that she doesn't open up her bag one day to discover a nightsaber/slimeling mixed breed begging for the end of its miserable existence. Occasionally, Korranne will take one of her favorite pets on a special trip to broaden its horizons. This picture shows her Pandaren Fire Spirit enjoying its vacation to Vashj'ir. Laws of physics be damned!

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"After years of playing and raiding since Molten Core, I've decided to quit WoW," writes submitter Shaqanna of Nemesis on Eldre'Thalas (US-A). "The stress and madness of doing dailies has driven me to despair. So I sought my end in the first place I tasted true victory, the depths of Molten Core. Since my end was dishonorable, I'll probably end up in the 10th layer of hell, where everything is fire ... and dailies. Hopefully Shaq will at least spend her final eternity being serenaded by her favorite memento, Sylvanas' Music Box."

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"After deciding to take a little break from dailies and LFR, I decided to go about the world pet battling," writes submitter Enishi of Prophecy on Wyrmrest Accord (US-A). "My travels brought me to Felwood to fight the Master Pet Tamer Zoltan, who apparently thinks pet battles are the key to bringing Sargeras into Azeroth. Once I won the battle, possibly saving Azeroth from Sargeras's wrath, I turned and took closer notice of the Zoltanian Cultists gathered around said Zoltan. Now, some have said that the blood elves are a beautiful people, and who am I to argue? But apparently joining Zoltan's cult seems to have an adverse effect on female blood elves -- the ones kneeling before him are wearing Forsaken skin!"

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Submitter Ezekington of Ancient Order of UMs on Doomhammer (US-A) was sick of paying the flight masters to get around in Pandaria. After all, he had a perfectly good Sunstone Panther that cost him a pretty penny already. Why should he have to spend hundreds of gold a week to get from one archaeology dig site to another? Just use the auto-run button, you say? Unfortunately, he has the tendency to tab out of the game while auto-flying, get distracted reading Cracked articles, and end up dead with an unrecoverable body somewhere in the middle of the ocean. (Not that this has ever happened to me, of course.)

There had to be a better way. And Ezekington figured there was a ton of lazy cheapskates just like him out there. So he invented the Mount Cannon! Just pay 10 silver, load up your mount, and you'll be launched to the point of your choosing. The downside? They're constructed by engineers. One out of ten rides will end with you either blowing up in mid-air or being transported to another continent. But isn't that a small price to pay?

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