Filed under: Drama Mamas

Drama Mamas Lisa Poisso and Robin Torres are experienced gamers and real-life mamas -- and just as we don't want our precious babies to be the ones kicking and wailing on the floor of the checkout lane next to the candy, neither do we want you to become known as That Guy on your realm.

Sometimes it just feels safer to hide your gender in game when you are female.

Hi,

I have noticed the last few years getting worse, or that I am just on the wrong realm. That if a guild has a female player in it, once the members find out, their hormones starts to act up. This way I am still more closing up against giving details about me, even if I am still being who I am, I just started to refuse answering questions like what is your realname. (which is commonly asked).

They hardly ask for gender, but that comes because they hardly met a girl in WoW (possibly because some are doing the same as me) I guess.. So everyone is male unless proven otherwise. I have no problem with that, however if I prove otherwise, their hormones starts to act up and not sure what happens in this guild, but it will highly end up like most of my last guilds, being driven away from the guild by pestering.

Those crazy kids ... We sure hear a lot of frustrated cries for them to get off our Azerothian lawns. The usual scenario: The son or daughter of a relative or friend takes up playing the game. She's a great kid and all, and you're happy to make the occasional dungeon run with her -- it's just that every one of those evenings ends up as an exercise in frustration.

She's late to meeting spots. She goes AFK in the middle of dungeon run. And she pesters you endlessly whenever you're in a raid: "Are you done yet? What are you killing now? Why did you wipe? Are you going to try again? Is everybody mad? Are you done yet?"

Is there a way to keep sharing the occasional fun session with this young player without opening yourself up to a barrage of inconveniences? How can you handle this sticky situation without alienating your relative or friend?

Drama Mamas Lisa Poisso and Robin Torres are experienced gamers and real-life mamas -- and just as we don't want our precious babies to be the ones kicking and wailing on the floor of the checkout lane next to the candy, neither do we want you to become known as That Guy on your realm.

We're still looking for responses from people who have received our advice. If we've answered your letter, please tell us how things worked out. Send it in to robin@wowinsider.com so we can add it to our annual results column.

This week's letter comes from a returning player.

Hi.

After a year long hiatus, I'm coming back to wow on my own, my friends have either stopped, migrated, or are doing Heroic Mode which I can't. So I just joined a random guild as a slightly-undergeared Priest, we're at 11/14 Normal.

I'm having issues though.

- One is I'm not very good in the meters (usually 20-ish % below the similarly-geared RCham my GM plays), and the RL/GM is constantly on my case about it. No matter that I'm usually not the first healer to die, causing the wipe, or that my tasks are done (don't let Thok's kiter die, solo-heal one side of the Spoils...), the Truth is in the meters. Also, on the rare occasion I die first, I've got to justify myself over vent, on top of my spontaneaous apology. On the numerous occasions the GM does die first (usually twice, she's a shamy), she's quite mum about it.

A curious reader writes:

This isn't actually an advice question, more a curious query. I've noticed some topical overlap between the Drama Mamas column and the Officers' Quarters column on WoW Insider. Do you guys ever punt submissions over the fence to one another? What criteria should people use when deciding which column they should send their request to?

Thanks!

-- Josh

Guild drama is everywhere ... But yes, there is a method to divvying up all the madness! The Drama Mamas have invited along Scott Andrews from Officers' Quarters this week to help explain how and when they share reader letters. We'll also look at ways to increase your chances of getting a letter published, plus what really happens behind the scenes when Robin and Lisa disagree over a particular letter.

Drama Mamas Lisa Poisso and Robin Torres are experienced gamers and real-life mamas -- and just as we don't want our precious babies to be the ones kicking and wailing on the floor of the checkout lane next to the candy, neither do we want you to become known as That Guy on your realm.

Have you had your letter answered here on Drama Mamas? If so, please drop us a line at robin@wowinsider.com and let us know how things are going. We'll round up your responses into our annual results column.

Let this week's drama commence.

I have an issue that's probably not uncommon to some readers of WoW Insider. I play WoW. I adore it, it's the most fun I've ever had with a computer. I live with a person who LIVES WoW. I don't mean that in a glancing-blow type way. That's what she does. She wakes up, goes to her computer, and plays WoW, then goes to sleep when no one else is online. She wakes up in the middle of the night to check guild chat on her phone. Her daughter is failing Math? It can wait, Raid is in an hour. Full raid gear on one character? Time to level another and get that one geared too. Relatives living in the same house want to talk? Hang on, quest turn-in time. You see where I'm going with this.

In an era when it's so easy to open a group or raid to a casual acquaintance, what value does guild membership still hold? Are individual contributors vital to building your guild's strength? Can your ship carry the weight of barnacles that don't contribute?

I'm the leader of a small casual guild. We do a lot of achievement, transmog, and mount runs, and just old stuff for fun. The only current tier raiding we do is Flex mode. Everyone enjoys it and we do fairly well. Awhile back I read a post on our server forum from someone looking for a Flex group since his guild doesn't do too much of anything. He didn't want to leave his current guild, which was fine with us. He sounded like a cool guy so I invited him to our Flex group. He's been doing well and is a great group member. The issue is this:

This guy we picked up on our server forums (and his guildmate friend which also joins us. Both are good group members) has integrated himself to our guild, and Vent server, and a couple of times he was the 8th person in a group for an old raid which we're still lacking in guild achievements. I guess my question is this: Am I wrong for having a problem with these 2 joining our guild runs when they're not guilded? I personally would leave my guild if I had to look elsewhere for the things I enjoy, but that's just me. They have a loyalty to their guild leader for reasons unknown, which is fine, but are we being used here? Am I wrong if I ask these two to either join the guild or work on recruiting for theirs (in a diplomatic way of course!) Guild achievements are a big reason for my issue with these two. Not to mention the communication barrier with people not in our guild chat when someone blurts something out.

Opinions? Am I being a total jerk and should just live and let live? LOL Or should I tell this guy to join us or go away? Thanks for any help you can give, and Happy New Year!

Drama Mamas Lisa Poisso and Robin Torres are experienced gamers and real-life mamas -- and just as we don't want our precious babies to be the ones kicking and wailing on the floor of the checkout lane next to the candy, neither do we want you to become known as That Guy on your realm.

Every year we round up the previous drama into a results column. If we have answered your question here, please drop us an email at robin@wowinsider.com and tell us how you're doing. On to this week's drama.

I've been playing mmo's for years now, I've played all different sorts with all different people. I've played PVE, I've played PVP. I've acted as mentor to new players, and I've taken the role of leader in endgame or guilds. But I made a realization recently- no matter what game I go to, no matter what role I take, I am a drama magnet.

Headsets and voice communications have become ubiquitous to group play in MMOs today. Guilds freely share their server addresses with pickup players. PvP groups rely on tight communication to sweep to resounding battleground victories. Even players in random groups often meet up on voice comms to simplify strategy and tactical coordination. Headsets have become quite affordable, and USB connections make it easy to simply plug in and play.

Despite all this, speaking up in a channel full of strangers can be one of the more intimidating and awkward experiences in your group play experience. And then there's the other side of the coin: bearing up under the onslaught of That Guy in Vent who's cursing up a blue streak at every turn of the encounter, leaving his mic open so the rest of us can fully experience his barking dog, his blaring television and his half-chewed mouthful of pizza.

The Voice Comms Etiquette talk probably wasn't part of your mama's standard coming-of-age advice repertoire, so consider this the heart-to-heart advisory every player should receive upon reaching grouping age. Go forth with awareness and the facts!

Drama Mamas Lisa Poisso and Robin Torres are experienced gamers and real-life mamas -- and just as we don't want our precious babies to be the ones kicking and wailing on the floor of the checkout lane next to the candy, neither do we want you to become known as That Guy on your realm.

What do you do when you realize your GM is not a good person?

Dear Drama Mamas,

I promise to keep this as short as possible while still giving you all the needed details. I am, and for all intents and purposes HAVE been, a member of of a guild of which the GM and I have know each other for a long time. We've gamed together across numerous games as well as several MMOs in our day, developing a guild that has followed us in the same manner as I've followed him. I was young when we began our quest of gaming, but now as I grow older, I'm learning that he is an enormously terrible person.

Playing WoW to please someone else is always a losing proposition. So what do you do when you figure that out on your own and you're ready to throw yourself a life preserver?

So basically I've got myself into a bit of a situation where I'm not happy and I'm not sure I can solve that without making someone else unhappy.

Before Mists dropped, I was convinced by a real-world friend and classmate, to transfer to Alleria, because her (absolutely wonderful) horde guild that I am also a part of, had made an Alliance version of the guild and I play primarily Alliance. I paid to transfer my main over (and eventually one of my other favourite characters) and was promptly part of a guild with no one in it. My classmate rarely plays due to real life time constraints, and not a single one of the members of the horde guild actually play the characters they brought into the guild.

I've been trucking along, entirely alone for the majority of Mists. When it became clear that I was the most active player, they handed me the title of GM and vanished. I tried recruiting but no one stuck around for long, and I had a few friends join, but they also rarely have the opportunity to play. I've now single-handedly raised the guild to level 19, filled up the guild bank with mats that will never be used, and gotten several guild achievements on my own. That's super satisfying, knowing how hard I worked to bring it where it is today, but if I'm still all alone, what's the point?

Drama Mamas Lisa Poisso and Robin Torres are experienced gamers and real-life mamas -- and just as we don't want our precious babies to be the ones kicking and wailing on the floor of the checkout lane next to the candy, neither do we want you to become known as That Guy on your realm.

One way or another, this week's letter writer is going to give her biggest fan the slip.

Dear Drama Mamas,

I'm a GM of a casual RP/social guild. As such I do my best to be diplomatic, friendly, and keep things friendly and inviting for my guildies. We've kept it going for years with ups and downs and I'm incredibly proud of how little drama we've had all things considered. I'd hate to be the source of any drama so am considering this a preemptive strike.

There is one particular guildie who isn't breaking any rules, is a wonderfully creative RPer, and annoys the everliving crap out of me. It's not his fault, it's a personality thing. He rubs me the wrong way. We're very different people with different senses of humor and priorities etc and so on. And that'd be fine, I'm an adult perfectly capable of getting along and keeping the peace with people I don't necessarily jive with. Except that he is DEAD SET on becoming my BEST FRIEND FOREVER. To the point where my dislike has steadily grown into a total reluctance to log on.

Having kids in the house keeps it real -- even (especially?) when it comes to PvP. With my 12-year-old daughter and I both plowing through moderate Arathi Basin obsessions, I have to admit that she's got a better handle on the social aspect than I do. How so? I've had to put myself in time out and cool off my knee-jerk reaction to whiny losers.

The background: Leveling my most recent lowbie through her 20s and 30s in AB was absolutely, utterly glorious. My teammates were relaxed, and my opponents didn't spend more time emoting /kek or /spit or making strange gestures at me than they did focusing fire on me (yeah, the healer ... ouch). The 40s flashed by, too, albeit with a little more arguing among my teammates over strategy. But once the 50s hit, the losers (in multiple senses of the word) came out in full force. As soon as a single player declared we might be too far behind to pull off a win, half the team would crumple into an orgy of chat despair. Players would stand dead in the graveyards in order to continue textually bemoaning their fate.

When your team gives up, what should happen next? Is it time to launch a rallying cry? Decry a lack of sportsmanship? Call out culprits? Ignore the whole thing and let the downward spiral continue?

Drama Mamas Lisa Poisso and Robin Torres are experienced gamers and real-life mamas -- and just as we don't want our precious babies to be the ones kicking and wailing on the floor of the checkout lane next to the candy, neither do we want you to become known as That Guy on your realm.

It hurts when your good friend doesn't have your back.

I have an issue that I hope you can help me with.

I've been playing wow for 6 and half years now and after my first guild folded I went to play on the hordes side of the fence for a little bit. After deciding to return to alliance I offered my support to a friend from the previous guild in her quest of making one of her own.

It's been about a year since I joined the guild and was appointed assistant gm and being put in charge of raiding I even took care of the guild whilst my gm and her partner was moving states I farmed for mats and put gold in the guild bank and also gained a handful of recruits.

WoW players -- can't play with 'em, can't play without 'em. Most of us would agree that Azeroth is best when shared with a congenial group of others, but what if you find yourself saddled with overly needy or intrusive game buddies? Or perhaps you get along just fine for the most part, but things get sticky whenever you decide you'd like to chill out with some uninterrupted solo time.

Isn't there a nice way to tell someone to buzz off without hurting their feelings? There absolutely is -- so let's head off the drama before it happens with these techniques for friendly disengagement.

Drama Mamas Lisa Poisso and Robin Torres are experienced gamers and real-life mamas -- and just as we don't want our precious babies to be the ones kicking and wailing on the floor of the checkout lane next to the candy, neither do we want you to become known as That Guy on your realm.

Kudos to this week's letter writer for comprehending what his guild's problem is: him.

I have a problem I haven't seen on DM before.

First off let me say, I am the problem and I know it.

I joined a raiding guild mid way through ToT as a tank and we progressed fairly well through it. As time went on and I grew more comfortable with them, a side of me emerged I have never seen before. I became more sensitive to what people said, impatient and just overall "jerky".

Now the other night they raided, one shot all the normal bosses we would do and my guild leader said they sounded like they had fun because they didn't have to worry about upsetting me. This came as quite a shock. I didn't know people were walking on egg shells around me.