Nov 19th 2010 1:42AM NEWS BRIEF
NORTHREND NOW MINOR SORTIE
A BOAT IN THE OCEAN - Worgen Druid Doublebark said he's ready for Northrend, just a week after smashing up the "New-Old World," and Outland.
"Eh, just a little grind in Northrend now, and then I can join my company brothers and sisters who are ready to raid Cho'Gall. No sweat. It's gonna be kinda like that Outland place; I just showed up for a few missions in the red spot with the orcs, that mushroom place, killed a crapload of stuff in Nagrand and voila, ready for the boat to the arctic! Heck, I did most of the 50s in battlegrounds, I probably could do the same up here. But for now it's just figuring whether I want to sic my flea swarms on the funky wildlife of Borean or long walks on the fjords and bitin' my fellow worgies," he said.
Denizens of Northrend and merchants of Dalaran are saddened by the in-and-out adventurers.
"They'll miss the lore! They'll miss the heroics! They'll miss the awesomeness of Ulduar and my boss! The Lich King's lair! And hell they'll miss me, above all else," said a distraught Loken, who added he got a call from Pathaleon the Calculator, who offered membership in the Forgotten Bosses Club and told him he'd "get over it."
And some resent the fast climbers. "These whippersnappers and their extra experience gear. Pshaw," said Orc warrior Go'tu Skuul. "Back in my day, it took days to level. When we killed boars in the forest or turtles on the shores of Tanaris, we had extinction level events!"
Asked if that comment raised his concerns, the Druid said it wasn't a biggie. "I honestly don't know why some of my brothers and sisters joined DEHTA or why it exists, honestly. Barring weirdness like the Scourge, elemental or fel invasion, most of the animal life comes back in five minutes."
DALARAN COUNCIL TO VOTE ON STAYING IN NORTHREND
Gnome Councilor: "EK be trippin', but floating cities cost mad mana, yo."
WORGEN & GOBLINS REFLECT ON 1-60
"With the heirloom gear, it was all a blur."
AREA MAN HAS YET TO SEE NEW CATACLYSM LOCATIONS
"I've just been doing randoms, BGs and selling my alts' stuff at the AH."
Nov 17th 2010 11:07PM "TheDalaranStreetJournal.com - Read This and Turn Your Copper Into Gold"
Human King Unhappy With Security
STORMWIND -- His Highness is 'getting tired' of killing Horde infiltrators on a minute-by-minute basis.
Amidst a pile of dead Orcs, Forsaken, Tauren, Trolls and Blood Elves around his throne, King Varian Wrynn expressed his displeasure with the Stormwind Royal Office of the Treasury as the request for more guards in the castle entrance was shot down today.
The Treasury claimed there was not enough funding to support stationing more guards in the lengthy hallway or throne room, and said there was only enough money to add more guards to the Valley of Heroes, Auction House and banking centers.
It's not good to be the King of Stormwind, Wrynn sighed.
"This is like the fifth attack on me today. Basically, protecting the money is more important than the life of their own king!" Wrynn shouted, kicking an impaled male Blood Elf mage off his blade during a lull in assaults, the Sin'Dorei's arm shooting up in a death spasm as he thudded lifelessly to the ground.
"I'm trying to raise my son and guide this city, this faction, and yet I'm attacked by Horde members constantly, 24/7," Wrynn said. "I've been in Orgrimmar. Thrall had soldiers and spiked doors every few feet and Vol'Jin along with a bunch of advisors willing to lay their life down for him. I've seen the Undercity, and the abomination that rules there has several guards and advisors surrounding her. Silvermoon, Lor'Themar has TWO LINES of soldiers guarding his room. Me? I have one or two soldiers patrolling a ridiculously long hallway that offers no impediments, and I'm just standing here with my son and this Draenei ambassador who's not fighting material. I'm fed up with this situation. I'm tired of it."
Alliance citizens have claimed the visual lack of guards shows that Wrynn is, in the words of visiting Dwarven warrior Beardaxe Bob "a badass," showing proof an Alliance member can be a winner in Azeroth's arenas. But it is also a problem for those seeking audience with Stormwind's ruler. Newly defected death knights have a problem with the lack of security, as they need clearance from the King to do business with the Alliance.
"I waited three hours to see Wrynn to pledge my allegiance. Why the wait? Not from the usual stuff kings deal with, like hearing nobles ask for money, some dwarf chick bringing him a box of candy for the holidays or whatnot, but Wrynn was fending off a dozen or more Horde guys by himself, and back then I'm fresh out of the cesspool and no match for any of them," said Night Elf death knight Rustleaf. "And he's not my original ruler! But they told me to see him. Orders are orders. Doubt Fandral would've brought me back in the fold unless I had his dead kid with him telling him I was cool."
There have been attempts to alleviate the King's situation. Advisors put the portals to warzones and arenas in a nearby room, but most mercenary adventurers were oblivious to the cries of help from their King. "Also, some prefer the 'canned' honor to that obtained 'in the wild,'" said a Goblin Arena worker who wished to remained unidentified. The worker also pointed out since most adventurers can now dial into battlegrounds remotely, travel to the castle has diminished.
A public relations push came earlier this year to Alliance adventurers to support the King in times of trouble, but many said they were put off by his stances with his Horde opposite, Warchief Thrall. "I do not support this king, as he does not promote peace or show restraint," said Night Elf Druid Bearlee There, who was picking Troll blood from her claws and counting Orc heads from a recent excursion to Alterac Valley.
Others claim they are just too busy to help out their faction's leader. "Strictly business. I'm protecting my investments first should they shank my banker or auctioneer. Then I have to run to my guild's attack on the ICC in Northrend. The King's got guards, he's got that big frickin' sword, there's charitable fools needing achievements, he doesn't need my help!" said Human mage and Auction House mover-and-shaker Roark Galt.
Stormwind Intelligence (SI-7) recently tried an idea that almost worked, setting up a coffee stand in one of the rooms along the hallway. The plan was a passive way to attract more guards and adventurers to the locale but were thwarted by a fracas caused by an unidentified Alliance adventurer, a Gnome and a robot which destroyed the stand and killed the barista working there. "She was scalded to death by the fresh caramel macchiato that spilled all over her, but that was kind of a Lightsend. A Forsaken rogue prowling the area in hopes of ganking the King couldn't resist the urge to taste her coffee-coated body. He was detected and properly dealt with," recalled a source familiar with the incident. "When SI-7 tried to rebuild the stand, some bloke in the bureaucracy took note of the falsified papers and said the castle was off limits for business permits. Then the merchants raised a row about it. Master Mathias Shaw didn't want to get caught up in paperwork and politics, the nobility didn't want all sorts of peddlers in the castle proper, and that was that."
The source also said the recent failed legislation which would have moved Stormwind's Auction House to outside the castle entrance had the King's backing. "Nothing reels more security or adventurers than that place. Look at what Garrosh is planning in Orgrimmar, he's practically right at that town's financial center. An auctioneer or banker goes down, the whole city gets crazed for blood and Garrosh is covered," the source said.
In addition to refusing the King's wishes, the Treasury also declined requests to send soldiers to guard the Deeprun Tram. "The rats alone need to be whacked," Deeprun Tram rat kebob merchant Nipsy said. "But it's another thing to get ganked by bored Hordies or see flagged youth get jumped as they travel between Ironforge and Stormwind. And what's really unfair: I heard them Horde zepplins have guards on them. What do we have?"
A Horde spokesmen said the attacks aren't sanctioned, "but we do offer a real sweet mount for those with the courage or who are bored of whipping some Tauren wimp at a bar. Hey, they do the same too."
As for Horde leaders, only one wished to go on record. "While I am flattered that Varian would notice I have a large contingent of guards around me, few Azerothians know I'm the leader of Silvermoon," said Lor'Themar Theron, Regent of Quel'Thalas. "It really doesn't take that much to get expendable city guards in our bureaucracy. However, getting freelance adventurers to protect me is another deal. We're right now fighting a two-pronged PR battle here in Silvermoon, trying to get more tourism and trying to tell everyone just WHO THE HELL RULES THIS CITY! We just ran a poll asking the Horde who the Blood Elf faction leader is, and I came in behind Garrosh Hellscream, Kael'Thas, Sylvanas, Rommath, High Astromancer Solarian and Illidan Stormrage. Two of those aren't even Blood Elves!"
Wrynn isn't alone amongst Alliance leaders frustrated at the lack of security. While dwarves and visitors to Ironforge are usually quick to respond to attacks on King Magni Bronzebeard (and the fact his throne room is close to popular areas), few Night Elves or other Alliance members will head to Darnassus to help out Archdruid Fandral Staghelm, many citing "personal reasons" or the fact the Night Elf city isn't a popular destination.
The latter is also true for Prophet Velen of the Draenei, who was willing to go on the record about security woes. "Oy vey, they -- them adventurers, hah! -- they hear I'm under attack, and half of them go 'Exodar's too far' or those that do come over, they don't know where to go over here and get lost. By the time they find me, eh, it's too late," Velen said, throwing up his wrinkly hands while eating a falafel. "Plus, I'll never forget the guy targeting the holograms of the demons we keep in the room ... would you believe, heh, this guy, the only one to show up, thought those were attacking me. Aside from having a couple of Tauren and a pretty boy elf paladin putting their swords in my face, that schmuck just made my day."
Nov 17th 2010 10:16PM More so than Garrosh, Varian Wrynn needs the PR. He has not been displayed well in WotLK, nor did you get the sense he was gunning for Arthas for anything other than killing another big monster on the field. Playing the game, you just see an anime-looking angry guy with a snotty nobles attitude (I got that from his quotes while fighting in the Crusader heroic and raids). Reading the KYL's on Varian and the wikia entries (both of which delve into the offline content) -- Varian is flushed out; intelligent and sympathetic. He isn't an out-of-touch noble, nor is he the full "reckless orc's orc" Garrosh perceives himself to be.
I still think Varian and Garrosh are cars set to crash into each other, probably not on their own decisions (take bets on whoever pulls the strings -- the Old Gods? The Burning Legion? Sylvanas? Genn Greymane? Some zealot Night Elf upset from the loss of status quo? The new Lich King?), so Blizzard can have a storyline for the fourth RTS installment.
Yeah, I went there.
Nov 16th 2010 7:25PM Only a matter of time before some side finds an exploit and runs amok. Or the glut of PVPers on one side of the server from transfers keeps that faction in power.
Also, is it possible to fly at high altitudes over the zone? I did that in Wintergrasp, acting as a UAV for my side when I wasn't in the mood for getting my ass kicked. If you flew at a very high altitude, you would NOT be knocked off your mount.
Nov 15th 2010 2:34AM I myself wrote this as my RP excuse for the "Emerald Dream/Nightmare" hitting Azeroth ...
VODKAMARTINI THE WARLOCK: (busy switching hairstyles) Mage slave, tell me how our Auction House sales have gone!
THE MAGE: No sales, sir, er, ma'am becau-
VODKAMARTINI: WHAT? Dammit I need the money for inks, mats, the chateau in Southshore ...
THE MAGE: Because everyone's asleep. EVERYONE!
VODKAMARTINI: Obviously, it's 5 a.m. entire server of Azeroth time!
THE MAGE: No, some sort of dream curse has the population of Azeroth, save for a few individuals and the population of Darnassus, asleep!
VODKAMARTINI: Darnassus? You have to be asleep to live there. The last time I was in that purple and green hippie paradise, I gave moody old Fandral several tons of morrowgrain and I still have yet to get that exalted status and tiger he promised me. "Why so serious?" he told me from his pathetic little treeroom ... Hm, this sleeping thing, it's probably related to the druids. Let's focus on the most important things: Me and my company. OK, I'm awake, you're awake, the other employees ... my idiot Sister?
THE MAGE: Well, she does stay in that inn near Ysera's grove in Dragonblight for cloth making ...
VODKAMARTINI: Consider her asleep then, or too busy making cloth for profit. Bitch. The drunk Dwarf death knight?
THE MAGE: She's probably immune, but -
BOTH: She was a drunk paladin when she was converted, and perpetually intoxicated since becoming undead ...
VODKAMARTINI: Probably smashed drinking all of Dalaran's unguarded booze now. Not worth calling up. The Druid stringer? Forget it, she's asleep probably, or wants to get involved with whatever these foolish Elves unleashed. Tyrande's fault probably - if she can't hug it or kill it she doesn't know what to do other than "Malfurion, my lovey dums, wake up and solve my problem!" -pssh. Mage, we're off to Stormwind. Call the rogues on our friends list, find me one that's awake. And trustworthy.
THE MAGE: Are we going to help the Human King in this emergency?
VODKAMARTINI: Hell no! I'm going to loot and pickpocket all the sleeping idiots!
Nov 13th 2010 12:51AM From the Diary of Gamon
85th Entry (extra amounts of booze and blood spilled on this page)
Woke up this Tuesday with a bad hangover. That's the story of every day actually, since I pissed off some Troll here in Orgrimmar and was cursed with immortality, and later given an open, free tab here at this bar as long as I live (hah - suck it barkeep). Still, I miss being able to kill things instead of being killed. The coyotes, the birds of the old plains ... the most nowadays is some chuckling initiate or peon that comes in thinking I have Thunderfury or the Warglaives of Azzinoth on me. (Who spread that rumor?)
Well, before he took off to fight the elements or whatever he does, Thrall the Warchief came into the place last night. The Warchief! He sought me out. Great, Orgrimmar's No. 1 hombre wants to kick my behind around too. I think everyone in this town has, including him. Some Alliance troops managed to get me pissed and brought me to the Warchief's hall the other night, either he or Garrosh slew me in the chaos -- "Omigod," Eitrigg screamed, "they killed Gamon!" "You bastards!" Vol'jin shouted -- and I woke up back in this bar. I finished my drink and turned to him. He didn't have his fists or blade out.
"You didn't give Eitrigg a coin for me to toss in Dalaran," he said. "Few in the Horde rebuke the offer of the Warchief."
"Well, a fountain wish is kinda stupid. I could use a lot more than tossing my copper in a well I'll never see," I replied.
"Point taken, even if the spirits object," Thrall said, taking the stool next to me. "Gamon, what is best in life?"
I really wanted to say another beer and some peace and quiet so GET THE FRAK OUT OF MY FACE YOU TWO-FACED HUMAN LOVING GREENSKIN, but my still somewhat sober brain said hey, it's his city, his thugs behind me and hell he could give me a favor. For a second, I thought he read my mind, as he smiled, but he let me speak with my mouth.
"To crush your enemies, see them driven before you, and to hear the lamentation of their spirits as you udderbag them," I said, figuring he'd like that warrior schtick. I may be a loser, but I'm not stupid. Don't tell me Cairne doesn't say pretty much the same drivel to impress these hotheaded green savages.
The Warchief laughed and slapped me hard on the back! "That is good! That is good!"
Buying cred from a orc made me bristle. He was six-foot-four and full of muscles. I said in Taur-ahe, "Do you speaka my language?" He just smiled and gave me a Kaja'mite sandwich. And then he said, "I go for the land down under. Where fear does flow and tauren chunder. Can't you hear, can't you hear the thunder? You better run, you better take cover."
He then offered to buy me a drink - a cola, though I had the barkeep pour some Rumsey Rum Black Label in it -- and gave me some pebbles to mix in it.
"Don't pop rocks and cola make a volatile poison?" I asked, holding the shiny stones above the drink.
"Bro'ham, just shut up and drink the stuff," Warchief Thrall said with a smile. Even though it was a comforting smile and hey, the Warchief was buying me a drink (and staring down some rogue who wanted to gank me), I couldn't help but think it was a trick. I'd pee my leggings, puke all over the bar or have my head pop with foam coming from my snout, all to the laughter of the Horde within the bar. Or worse, I would die like my uncle Rahmoan, busting out the loudest body thunder Kalimdor has ever heard. He died straining over the squat latrine we dug on the mesa many moons ago, the pitiful war cry he screamed and the death thunder that rumbled from his tightened sphincter I will never forget (plus it made us sleep on another hill that night, it was that rank).
I dropped the rocks and watched them fizzle in the cola, and a very ominous looking cloud of smoke came bubbling forth from the froth. "What do these pebbles do?" I said, figuring I might need the knowledge.
"Can see things no one else can see, do things no one else can do!" Thrall said with a shout.
"As real as Lo'Gosh!"
"Hey what more can a Tauren ask for," I replied.
"The Six Demon Bag!" Thrall added.
"Terrific, a Six Demon Bag. Sensational. What's in it, Warchief?"
"Wind, fire, all that kind of thing. Now drink the medicine!"
I made a toast. "May the wings of liberty never lose a marauder."
The room cheered as I drank. Thrall again said something to me, saying I wouldn't have to worry about being embarassed or whatever for a while. Whatever mate. I was busy trying not to puke the stuff as I felt it bubbling through my chest. If I was a bit more drunk I would've screamed I was having a heart attack, but I knew I'd live through that. I've lived through enough already.
I woke up, Thrall was gone, but he left a note. "Enjoy the new you." Bastard didn't even say goodbye.
I heard a noise. Another rogue, an undead by the smell. Maybe a few dozen seasons in his profession. He was shocked he was heard. More shocked as he looked at me harder. I slugged him once. He sailed across the room and cracked his head on the wall. He died. One shot.
I kinda like the new me.
But now there's several veterans of the Northrend campaign taking a look in the bar, glaring at me. Guess I'll be taking on multiple comers now.
Barkeep, another round!
///To read the rest of Gamon's diary, go to http://wow.joystiq.com/2010/10/06/around-azeroth-beta-edition-the-more-things-change/2#comments
Nov 8th 2010 5:39PM The DalaranStreetJournal.com - "Opulence is everything."
Narcotic Drink Spreading Across Azeroth
Adventurers Warned Not to Imbibe Sapta
DALARAN - Yeager Myster, a Dwarf Paladin, said it was a long time since he battled stone elementals in the name of King Magni Bronzebeard.
"Oi! Some feller by the name of Grayfeather told me it was important! He told me to down some drink and soon enough, I saw me some stone buggers," Meister said.
But according to eyewitnesses and experts, what Meister experienced was an illusion, brought on by an illicit narcotic drink that has its roots in a publically-traded Azeroth enterprise.
Hienonymous Jafo, a Gnome bystander in Ironforge, begs to differ with Meister's claim. "Actually, he was intoxicated after downing some bubbling drink. He was just standing there swatting some flies that were buzzing around him. He happened to imbibe the stuff near a mount rest stop, and some Draenei had just tied his sick Elekk there. Me and my buddies were betting whether that drunk old Dwarf would go footfirst or headfirst into the space elephant barf," Jafo said. "I sure as heck didn't see any elementals."
Gol'esh Neffaryus, Orcish alchemist, warlock and spokesman with the Snapdragon Tea & Juice Company, said the drink Meister used originated with his corporation.
"What he drank was Sapta, and that was originally supposed to be a healthy, non-alcoholic energy drink for rogues made from papaya and pomegranate juices mixed with elemental essences, but one of our eager alchemists who happens to be a shaman claimed his class has a drink by the same name. Since they didn't copyright it, we're seeking to sue the numerous parties misusing our brand name. Needless to say, said shaman employee, disagreed, and decided to further slander our product by releasing a hallucenogenic poison on the streets of Ironforge and Orgrimmar using our brand name," Neffaryus said.
Anyone with information on those dealing Sapta on the street should refuse to drink the stuff and is urged to contact Snapdragon via their website or social networks. A reward will be issued.
DOOMSDAY CULT OFFERS INVESTMENT IDEAS
"Sell sell sell!"
DEATH KNIGHTS WANT A LOST DRINK
"Noth's Special Brew, anyone know how to make it?"
SIMPLE DIRECTION FOR NEW WARRIOR PRODUCT
"Rage-in-a-Can. APPLY DIRECTLY TO FOREHEAD!"
Nov 7th 2010 5:59PM So, when the Alliance finally gets Ethereals in their ranks, I can look forward to how a being of energy became a death knight?
"That glow ... It can't be!
What have the fleshlings done to you?
You don't understand me. Don't you remember what we were doing? We were co-workers in the ecodomes, bored, and left to accompany the spell filchers that went into that wretched place the humans call Karazhan. We fled when the energy stored there started corrupting the spell filchers and thieves. I would have joined their ranks if it was not for you.
We fled that place, and headed for another ley line nexus to make a portal back to the Protectorate in Outland, but we were attacked by rotting fleshbags and you dissipated in the mass ... they must have channeled your essence in somehow, or did unspeakable rituals or experiments on your wrappings.
No matter. I am fading, and wish not to join your ranks, but I want to repay my debt to you. This Lich King you serve will corrupt everything he touches, much like the Void and the Burning Legion, who destroyed our world and old forms. He has already started to taint you! Fight whatever control he has on you and prevent him from harming our race! Finish me and swear vengeance for the both of us. Do not forget me and our old homeworld, K'aresh. Now finish the job and teach the Lich King what happens when you stick a bad deal on an Ethereal!"
Nov 6th 2010 6:31PM TheDalaranStreetJournal.com - "Exploit the masses. And we have cookies."
Epic Sword to be Reissued
BLACKWING LAIR - Evil orcish blacksmiths issued a recall on the Ashkandi, Greatsword of the Brotherhood model today after a serious problem was found by wielders, and will be making a new stronger model of the blade for the upcoming season.
"The redesigned '60s sword will be reissued to warriors and other classes who kept the thing in their pack or bank accounts, but it won't have the new stronger buffs or gemming system," a spokesman for Blackwing Lair said. "We're not yanking it like it's the Sword of a Thousand Truths."
Over the years, many melee fighters have reported cracks and shattered blades in their epic two-handed sword. Dwarf hunter Magnum Sledgehammer said he once used the sword years ago, and recalled it breaking on impact. "Aye, the beautiful eye and dragon hilt, and exaggerated blade. Used it on some bloke that got too close to me onetime, a gnoll, when I was farming ore. Bloody thing snapped off, and the I'm left with this weeping eye," Sledgehammer said. "Pally friend, bless his heart, had the same problem happen with his Ashkandi, cept he used it on a Burning Legion bloke around the Dark Portal back in the day. Anyone sees a Doomguard running around with a broken Ashkandi blade sticking out of his arse, you'll know it was his opponent."
The spokesman for Blackwing Lair said the upcoming model of the sword not only has been redesigned and fixes structural flaws, but it has much better performance numbers, as well as upgradeable gem sockets, reforging options, an air conditioned hilt with leather grip and ports for charging cell phones and MP3 players. A service warranty covering the first 300 kills is also added in.
A new marketing campaign will be issued to adventurers in the coming weeks.
"We have this awesomely sexy poster to promote the new model Ashkandi," said the spokesman, displaying a poster of a naked human covering himself with the new sword. "Our motto boys are still working on the best message: 'Come see my Ashkandi' or 'Don't you want to hold my sword?' We're still undecided."
Jumpy Smashbot, Gnome warrior who has an Ashkandi, said he was impressed with the new design. "Asscandy? Bur! Well, looking at the new design ... smaller, sleeker, still has that dragon handle thing that says I'm a sexy warrior. The eye is less pronounced, but it's more in-line and attached with the blade, which was basically the problem. Jeez, what was old is new again. And I was just getting used to wielding my Glorenzelg," Smashbot said.
The Society of A.L. could not be reached for comment. However, when asked about the sword once awarded for besting him, Nefarian of the Black Dragonflight had a brief statement.
"Really, I don't think they're going to get the new one so easily since we've tweaked the battlerezzing. But as for the recall ... it's only a setback. You get used to it," Nefarian said.
Nov 6th 2010 3:15PM Now I have to worry about starting a game and stumbling on to Montezuma's forces in the Barrens.