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  • Gampher
  • Member Since May 1st, 2010

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Breakfast Topic: The one missing item in World of Warcraft {WoW}

Jul 8th 2010 9:27AM Sandwiches. You have meat. You have bread. You have cheese. But WoW has no sandwiches. Also noodle shops. Noodle shops run by gnomes. Gnome gnoodles.

Some sandwich ideas for WoW.

"Haliscan Sandwich": Roasted chicken on crusty bread, drowned in spicy chili sauce.

"Ironforge Rueben": A tower of pastrami, cheese and saurkraut, on dwarven rye.

"Ogrimmar Special": It's got meat and bread. What more do you want?

For Gnomeregan! Your thoughts on the Midsummer Fire Festival {WoW}

Jul 4th 2010 11:24PM Ol' Gampher Gyrolock here, still spinning and locking down tight! There's little time for such trivial diversions as this "Midsummer Fire Festival" thing. I've got training to do and... Wait... Did you say there were giants to kill? Big frozen giants? Turning Azeroth into a frozen wasteland in preparation for the return of this frost lord "Ahune"?

I'm always up for fighting giants. That's why I carry a shrink ray!

You see, the Earthen Ring tells me that I'm not ready to battle Ahune himself, but it seems his lieutenants are scattered across Azeroth, trying to prepare for his return. So I've been busy, since killing giants is my occupation (ever since that incident in Desolace with Razzell and the sea giants, you know).

So aside from practicing my juggling, honoring all the alliance fires and... erm... desecrating the horde fires (no, let's not go into the details of that one), I've been heading out practically every day of the festival to kill one lieutenant after another. Seems there's an endless stream of cultists who keep summoning these guys. After tonight, though if we haven't routed these evildoers, I'm headed back to Zangarmarsh. I've got some serious botanizing/ogre-killing to do (retrieving priceless botanical specimens from ogres... It's science AND heroics!)

For Gnomeregan! Who's your daddy? {WoW}

Jun 24th 2010 10:43PM ((A lot of B.L.O.G. seems to be composed of first-time RP'ers. You're certainly welcome to join in. There are also plenty of RP resources just hanging about to help you get started. You don't always need a complete backstory from the get-go. I started Gampher without one... The only permise I had was that he's a very VERY old gnome. I've been making the rest up as I go, including figuring out what "very old gnome" means.))

In answer to your question. We of the Beleaguered League of Gnomeregan or "Bring Lots of Grapefruit" are happy to accept anyone into our ranks, except the Horde. Logistics of that are just impossible, you see. Besides, runs afoul of too many rules. So bring your human, dwarven, elven, draenei, or gnomish behind down here and sign up!

For Gnomeregan! Who's your daddy? {WoW}

Jun 24th 2010 8:43PM Ol' Gampher Gyrolock here! Alas, at the ripe old age of 211 years, I've outlived all my relatives and many of my descendants. Some of my students from back in the days when I taught engineering and classical mechanics are still around though. I can talk about them a bit.

One of my prize pupils was one Kaylee Tunesprocket, who took her incredible inventioneering skills and combined it with her phenomenal musical talent. She was the talk of Gnomeregan for many years. The room always seemed brighter when Kaylee sang, often backed up by self-performing instruments of her own design. One day, not long before the fall of Gnomeregan, she claimed that she needed to "find the light", and left. I know she's still alive somewhere, but where I have no idea.

Seamus Quicksprocket was one of my greatest pupils. His treatise on the effects of magical fields on various metals was a work of genius! Alas, the Kirin'Tor has sequestered all of Seamus' papers and hidden them away, proclaiming them too dangerous to become general knowledge. Seamus himself suffers a curious ailment. He is no longer able to write except in the most childish of verse. During the fall of Gnomeregan, Seamus Quicksprocket was somehow able to evacuate his entire extended family, and all of the employees of the Quicksprocket factory, with only one casualty, the factory's accountant, Haggle. Poor Haggle, severe gnomish leprosy. His once brilliant mathematical mind gone. Seamus? Still retired. Kirin'Tor won't let him un-retire. I still try to meet up with him for Thursday bridge. His grand-daughter is making quite the name for herself though, despite not... well... having made a name for herself. She hopes to rebuild the Quicksprocket factory once Gnomeregan is retaken. You should hear Seamus talk, he's so proud!

For Gnomeregan! Distractions {WoW}

Jun 13th 2010 9:05PM Thank you, Glynnys, for showing up at my silly limerick and singing session, and for everyone else who did, as well. I realize that this was a major distraction for those who did show. Still, we had fun!

I once taught a class in... erm... Classical mechanics... Using nothing but iambic pentameter. People forget prose, but if you give them a silly rhyme to remember, everyone gets a A on the test.

Why... One of my top pupils went on to write a series of award-winning children's books on the subject of quantum electro-whatsits. Who would have guessed that you could put such advanced science in terms only a child could understand!

For Gnomeregan! Distractions {WoW}

Jun 13th 2010 4:56PM Ol' Gampher Gyrolock here. It spin, it locks, it binds the galaxy together... Gyrolocks are the universal solution to every situation where you need to hold a bolt in place. They really *do* bind the galaxy together.

Erm... Now were was I? Oh! Distracted, yes...

At my age, although my mind is as sharp as ever, I find myself increasingly... er...

Well... I *was* the one hosting the limerick session at the Darkmoon Faire. Fun was had by all, but we accomplished... well... Nothing. Not entirely true... Seems the faire was in need of some spare parts, and my engineering skill needed brushing up as always.

Launching myself out of the Blastenheimer 3000 onto a water target in the lake several thousand yards away... What in the world was I thinking? I'm two-hundred and eleven years old! I should be off playing bridge with the other retirees. Which is what I plan to do when we retake Gnomeregan!

Either that or set up a noodle shop... "Gnomeregan Gnoodles"...

See what I mean? Old age... Serious problems with distractedness.

For Gnomeregan! Team ups {WoW}

Jun 6th 2010 5:35PM Hello! Ol' Gampher Gyrolock here! If it spins around and locks down tight please remit my royalty payment! It takes a lot of potions and elixirs to keep a gnome my age going, and they aren't cheap! Gyrolocks are so much better than plain old nuts, washers, and those awful rubber o-rings. So use them generously, you engineers! Keep ol' Gampher alive and kicking, and killing sea giants! Yes, I said sea giants. There's a story there.

Ahem... Where was I? Oh. Last week, hitting the books. Hitting them hard, and... Teaming up! Turns out that the Library at the Scarlet Monastery was quite obliging, what for all their attempts to kill me and my cohorts who simply wanted a book or two. After some persuasion, they practically... No, no, I think... Literally fell over themselves to help us. Yes... Fell over themselves in a heap. I hope we didn't persuade them too hard.

Getting that Book of the Ancients was another matter. I took young Razzell along to help. Apparently this foolish old gnome failed to properly inform the lad of our target, a naga. As we stood on the island, he pointed at a distant sea giant.

"Is that who we're after?" asked Razzell.

I sized up the giant. He was... Big. He was also moving a half-league a minute, a frightful clip, especially considering he was half the size of Stormwind cathedral.

"No," I said, "Run!"

It was then and there that we swore our revenge on sea giants.

Not a day later, I was speaking with a pirate captain, one Heckleberry Smotts, who himself had been the victim of the sea giants. Smotts was offering a reward for the return of his chest, in the possession of a sea giant named Gorlash. Razzell devised a clever plan. He would summon a water elemental to distract the giant, and while the giant was focused on fighting the elemental, we'd attack with our strongest spells.

Remarkably the plan worked perfectly. In fact, it worked so well we rushed off to try it again on Mok'Rash, Gorlash's bigger brother. To our utter astonishement the plan worked just as well the second time! Smotts was beside himself, and rewarded us generously.

Alas, the third giant on our list, Negolash, would not be so easy, for one thing alone: he dwelt in the depths, and would only come to the surface for his favorite meal of Barbecue Buzzard Wings, and Junglevine Wine. That alone was enough to stop the two of us in our tracks.

Neither of us was enough of a cook, and there was no ready source of barbecue buzzard wings. Razzell was quick to obtain a recipe, but neither of us had the skill to pull it off.

There was nothing left to it. One of us was going to have to attend cooking classes.

Razzell, who is otherwise quite personable, has one very annoying trait. He has elevated begging off to an art form. He insisted that I be the one to take the cooking classes, as he had a sudden and deep-seated need to recuse a princess, then proceeded to describe the plight of said princess in detail, the consequenses of not rescuing her, and so forth, to the point where I was eager to see him off, praising him for his valor and chivalry.

And so began another week of hitting the books. Cookbooks this time. I spent the entire week on cooking and gathering ingredients for cooking, and learning new recipes. Finally I learned Negolash's favorite meal.

Razzell and I enlisted the aide of the dwarf paladin known as Daemonwolf, because I'd heard that Negolash had a nasty habit of knocking folks back, which would really really hurt cloth-wearing mages like myself and Razzell. We gathered at the southern cape of Stranglethorn, and I placed the food in the wreck of Smott's lifeboat.

"I SMELL FOOD!" bellowed Negolash as he rose from the deep, and the fight was on. Daemonwolf, utterly fearless, stood his ground directly in front of the giant. Razzell stood to the left with his water elemental, casting frostbolts, and I stood to the right, alone, casting arcane missiles. At first, Negolash lunged at the elemental, but quickly turned and attacked Daemonwolf. I'm not at all sure if the sea giant actually hit our dwarven friend, because before we knew it, Negolash was falling forward rather than rushing forward, and suddenly, he was dead.

"Ow," said Daemonwolf, "He's oan mah heid. I cannae breath!"

"That's it?" said Razzell, "Negolash, a weakling?"

"I suppose so," I replied, "Let's get Daemonwolf out from under."

So much for sea giants.

Did I mention Uldaman? No? Well, perhaps I should let others do that then.

For Gnomeregan! Spare beds anyone? {WoW}

May 29th 2010 9:57PM OOC: Roll an Alliance toon on Shadow Council-A and join the fun. Seriously... These are just our weekly "meetings".

Look kid, Either you're fighting to save Gnomeregan, or you need to be somewhere else. There's plenty of room over on the Horde for folks who don't like gnomes, or want to eat us, or like punting us, and that sort of thing.

For Gnomeregan! Spare beds anyone? {WoW}

May 29th 2010 4:38PM Ol' Gampher Gyrolock here. If it spins around and locks down tight, not only does it have MY name on it, but if you're an engineer you've probably fastened a bolt or two using one! Why just the other day... oh... wait... You wanted to hear about housing!

My current training isn't allowing me much time in one place. Morning in Duskwood, Mid-day in Ashenvale, afternoon in Desolace.... Evenings at the Scarlet Monastery... I've had to pull in some of my mage-y connections, grab a friendly portal to Dalaran and renew my ties to the Kirin Tor.

Much of a mage's training involves rigorous study, and that means hitting the books! My current reading list is "Rituals of Power" by Magus Tirth, "Mythology of the Titans", and the "Book of the Ancients"... Alas, these books are scattered in various libraries and reading rooms all over Azeroth. No one resting place puts me near where I need to be to borrow them. Thanks to the magic of inter-city portals, and my new home at "A Hero's Welcome" in Dalaran I can make quick runs to all the popular literary hang outs.

I know... Now you think Ol' Gampher has it easy. Two week's vacation in the south seas... Trips to the library... Well, it's not like that. First of all that "vacation" was spent fighting pirates, and these books, even the ones in libraries, are all held by nasty people up to no good. Lord Kragaru, a vicious, mean, and fishy-smelling, naga, checked out "Book of the Ancients" from the Azshara Public Library, and hasn't bothered to return it for 10,000 years (talk about library fees! I've been asked to KILL him for the book!).

The other two books are in the possession of the Scarlet Crusade, xenophobic nasties, who'd likely kill anyone not wearing their tabard in lieu of saying "hello" to them.

So, you see? I have to fight just to get my required reading in. Don't even think to ask about "The Green Hills of Stranglethorn".

For Gnomeregan! Obstacles {WoW}

May 16th 2010 12:30PM It was only *after* I boarded the ship bound for my all-expense paid South Seas vacation (I won a prize from Smokywood Pastures), that I realized that vacationing on a island in the tropics for a week meant a week of NOT TRAINING.

Letters from home inform me that my comrades are getting well ahead of me, while I perfect my shuffleboard technique.