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Posts with tag lolegolas

Phat Loot Phriday: Unborn Val'kyr

Phat Loot Phriday Unborn Val'kyr
The ghostly creature hovered in the air, quietly chewing on a chocolate chip cookie. Her iridescent wings flapped in slow, lazy arcs.

"And you don't know where you got her?" Lolegolas asked. "No clue at all?"

"None," Throgg confirmed. "I just opened up my pet bag and poof. There she was. She's pretty cute, though. In an adorable way, I mean."

Lolegolas nodded. "So, she's a mystery. Why is she unborn?"

"It turns out her people don't consider you really born until you kill a worthy target," Throgg said.

"That's kind of harsh," Lolegolas said. "Does she fight well?"

"Incredibly well," Throgg said. "That's why I gave her a cookie. She totally decimated my opponent a few moments ago. She likes cookies."

Item Note: The Unborn Val'kyr is shrouded in mystery; we're not quite sure where you can get it yet. While Northrend is an obvious component, the details are still vague. Stay tuned for more details!
Phat Loot Phriday brings you the scoop on some of the most ... interesting ... loot in the World of Warcraft, often viewed through the eyes of the stalwart Throgg and indelible Lolegolas. Suggest items you think we should feature by emailing mikeg@wowinsider.com.

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Phat Loot Phriday: Beauty's Favorite Bone

Phat Loot Phriday Beauty's Favorite Bone
The man not named Spot stared at his bone. It was a good bone, from days gone by. He held it in his hands and heaved a huge sigh. Except for the thick glass of stout by his side, the man may have been holding back tears.

"Hey, there, buddy," the bartender said. "Why the long face?"

"This was given to me by friends," the druid sighed. "I've not see them since the last exp ... erience we had together."

"Why do you still keep it?"

"This is Beauty's Favorite Bone! It was a gift!"

"Uh huh," the bartender said, wiping down the oak counter with a moist rag. "That must be it."

"Fine," the man sighed. "You can transmog it. And look at it, it's awesome."

The bartender remained quiet.

"And I chew on it."

"Yeah, I thought so."

Item Note: Beauty's Favorite Bone is available from heroic Blackrock Caverns. All you strapping pandas should have no trouble getting it.

Picture Note: That is neither a worgen or bone. But this picture represents Not Spot in my head.

Phat Loot Phriday brings you the scoop on some of the most ... interesting ... loot in the World of Warcraft, often viewed through the eyes of the stalwart Throgg and indelible Lolegolas. Suggest items you think we should feature by emailing mikeg@wowinsider.com.

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Phat Loot Phriday: Deep Thunder, Reborn

Phat Loot Phriday Deep Thunder, Reborn
"Throgg, we're supposed to be finding your dog."

"Our dog."

"Your dog," Lolegolas countered. "What are you doing in there? We're in a hurry."

"It's an outhouse," Throgg replied from behind the wooden door. "It's the Throne of Thunder. What do you think I'm doing?"

"Forging Deep Thunder," Lolegolas said. "Reborn."

"Really, little elf?" Throgg sighed.

"I've dealt with your puns for years. At this point, I'm allowed more than a few in vengeance."

"Doesn't matter. Can't make that until we get to the Lightning Forge."

"Thunder & Lightning," the blood elf commented idly. "I get it. It's like a theme. Maybe we can get a flame decal up the side of something to help illustrate the awesomeness."

"Why not?" Throgg asked. The outhouse shook a little. "You'd look good with mullet."

"I'd rather re-elect Garrosh."

The outhouse only thundered in response.

Item Note: Finally, it's the return of that old standby of overpowered Arenas... Deep Thunder. I kept wondering when it would make its comeback.

Phat Loot Phriday brings you the scoop on some of the most ... interesting ... loot in the World of Warcraft, often viewed through the eyes of the stalwart Throgg and indelible Lolegolas. Suggest items you think we should feature by emailing mikeg@wowinsider.com.

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Phat Loot Phriday: Lucky Quilen Cub

Phat Loot Phriday Lucky Quilen Cub
Wandering through the isles of Pandaria, Throgg and Lolegolas are making a slow but inevitable trip toward Miranda. But for now, we'll enjoy some shock, awww, and general fun with their journey.

The druid jogged down the hill to catch up with the dyanamic duo. He stopped short when he saw the diminutive creature walking beside them. It looked like a pug or maybe a chihuahua, except for the rich mane around its head.

"Wait. What is that ... thing?" the worgen asked.

"Collector's Edition pet," Lolegolas said nonchalantly. "Isn't it fabulous? I love it."

"Since you disappeared, Spot, we needed a new puppy," Throgg answered. "This guy seemed apt. It's a quilen pup."

"It needs a shave," the druid said. "It's got a fierce neckbeard going on. A few more days of growth, and it'll be ready for Reddit."

"What's Reddit?" Throgg asked.

"It's a place that really loves beards," the druid answered. "I think the dwarves invented it."

Somewhere in the distance, trapped within her cage, Miranda shrieked something about a fourth wall. That was just fine, since the boy would have ignored her anyway.

Phat Loot Phriday brings you the scoop on some of the most ... interesting ... loot in the World of Warcraft, often viewed through the eyes of the stalwart Throgg and indelible Lolegolas. Suggest items you think we should feature by emailing mikeg@wowinsider.com.

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Phat Loot Phriday: Black Pepper Steak and Shrimp

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When last we left our heroes, they were derailed by Diablo III. Because that certainly hasn't happened to anyone else. Unfortunately, their erstwhile trip to Sanctuary means Miranda remains in captivity.

"Your friends are taking a long time to mount a rescue," the shadowy man said. "I expected them by now."

"This is going to start feeling like filler," Miranda muttered to her raven. "I'm hungry. What've you got to eat?"

The man returned to Miranda's cage, sliding a bowl under the door. "I've made something very good for you. Black Pepper Steak and Shrimp."

"Black Pepper Steak? Really? We're going there? That's how this is going to be?"

"Black Pepper Steak is awfully good, young lady," the man said. "The amount of health and mana you gain from it is mindblowing compared to your feeble, contemporary food."

Miranda chewed slowly. "Wow, yeah, it really is, isn't it? So, why aren't you Pandaren? That seems like the most likely villain to advance the st... range events we've been suffering."

"I'm an old friend," the man answered. He pursed his lips for a moment. "I'm surprised you haven't escaped."

"How do you know I haven't? You could be looking at an illusion right now or a doppleganger. You have no way of knowing."

"Hm. That would explain why no rescue has appeared. If you'll pardon me, I need to check on things."

When the man had left, Miranda used to the chopsticks to continue picking the lock.

Item Notes: Pepper steak, y'all. So good. I've been craving it all week, now.

[Image credit: Stu Spivack]

Phat Loot Phriday brings you the scoop on some of the most ... interesting ... loot in the World of Warcraft, often viewed through the eyes of the stalwart Throgg and indelible Lolegolas. Suggest items you think we should feature by emailing mikeg@wowinsider.com.


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Phat Loot Phriday: Mechano-Hog

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As we now transition to a new chapter of the story, the narrator will take a moment and indulge in literary thievery -- I mean, literary homage. Well, not really literary, since I'm stealing from a different medium, but I've always liked the idea -- and shut up and read it already, OK?

In patch 3.0.1, Blizzard added a new vehicle to Azeroth. While millions of mounts already existed in the game, this new mount was something special. It was a hog. A motorcycle. No sooner had the Mechano-Hog become a reality in the game than thousands of engineers started building them. No individual Mechano-Hog was that big a deal, really. Except for one.

This Mechano-Hog was built by a warlock engineer named Demonalisa. Struggling to make money on a roleplay server, Demonalisa spent most of his time farming materials. That plan worked fairly well for him until he ran afoul of the gem market. The Great Gem Crash of 2010 cost Demonalisa his savings, and he was forced to sell off the Mechano-Hog.

In late 2010, the Mechano-Hog was purchased for Lolegolas by a stalwart orc named Throgg. Throgg felt the two-seater Mechano-Hog would be a great benefit to them in the Battlegrounds. After all, two coordinated fighters doing battle together can very easily turn the tide of victory. It turned out Lolegolas just liked making "vroom" sounds while doing laps of Dalaran.

This Mechano-Hog had the same basic abilities of all the others, but none of that is what's important. What's important are the details like the chewing gum Throgg used to glue the license plate down. Or the "Don't hate me because I'm beautiful" bumper sticker Lolegolas ironically slapped across a fender. Or the extra growler racks Throgg installed to prepare for their trip to Pandaria.

As Lolegolas started the engine and Throgg plopped into the passenger car, neither of them could know how important that Mechano-Hog would be.

Item notes The Mechano-Hog and Mekgineer's Chopper are both still in the game and clearly the most popular ground mounts available by 56%. Source: I made that number up.

Phat Loot Phriday brings you the scoop on some of the most ... interesting ... loot in the World of Warcraft, often viewed through the eyes of the stalwart Throgg and indelible Lolegolas. Suggest items you think we should feature by emailing mikeg@wowinsider.com.

Filed under: WoW Rookie

Phat Loot Phriday: Iron Boot Flask

When we last left our heroes, Throgg was complaining about Garrosh, essentially proving his membership in the Horde ... or, alternatively, proving his membership in the Alliance. Hatred of Garrosh is a unifying force in Azeroth, similar to love of Legos in the real world.

The four rode into Tirisfal without much fanfare. Lolegolas was careful to guide the party away from the dirt road, staying out of sight from the undead guards who stalked the kingdom's highway. Throgg grew increasingly quiet.

"I've not smelled Abercrombie," the Gilnean said quietly. "Not a whiff of a food court, Hot Topic, or Cinnabon within miles."

Miranda stared at the druid hard for a moment. "You stealing my gig, Spot?"

"My name is not Spot," the Gilnean replied absently. "We'll have to go into Undercity beneath Lordaeron." He frowned, and his jaw clenched. "Hate that place."

Lolegolas clapped the Gilnean on the shoulder, speaking quietly. "If it helps at all, we do, too. No one likes reminders of bad days."

"This is very touching, but let's keep to business. We'll need to take the sewer exit in," Miranda said. "We could maybe hitch a ride with one of the inevitable Alliance raids, but I think we're better off sneaking in. Ride flying mounts to stick near to the ceiling, maybe, until we get close to Sylvanas."

"And then we all die horribly?" Lolegolas said. "We can accomplish that plan anywhere, we don't have to go into Undercity to do it."

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Phat Loot Phriday: Belt of the Beloved Companion

When last we left our valiant heroes, Throgg was making bad jokes. As a result, we'll be taking a slightly more serious approach this week and give those puns a chance to come off cooldown. Also, SOPA bad.

The Gilnean and Miranda both slept in their respective tents. Lolegolas chalked it up to their having been so busy getting the party safely through the dwarf lands. He tossed another chunk of wood into the campfire.

"I have something for you," Throgg said. "Got it a while back."

Lolegolas looked across the campfire at his orc friend. The two had enjoyed dozens of adventures in the last year. He couldn't escape the pressing feeling that it had to end. The doubt plagued him throughout Arathi.

Throgg pulled a long, scaled belt from his sack. The orc stared at it for a moment and tossed it across the distance between them. "Belt of the Beloved Companion. I can't use it, thought you could."

Lolegolas ran his hands along the belt. "This is a magnificent item. Room for red gems, lots of enchantments that benefit hunters." Lolegolas opened his mouth to continue but stopped.

"Might need it," Throgg said quietly. "If Abercrombie is with Sylvanas, Undercity will be hard to escape alive."

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Phat Loot Phriday: "Brew of the Month" Club Membership Form

Ashenvale creaked as impossibly large trees swayed in the afternoon breeze. The Worgen druid glanced appreciatively at the forest as he rejoined Throgg and Lolegolas.

"The innkeep was surprisingly pudgy for a Night Elf," the druid said. "But he did say a pair of Tauren passed through here recently. He didn't talk to them much, but he did have something interesting to say."

Throgg had started packing his kodo as soon as the druid had started talking. "Useful? Someplace to go?"

"Not exactly," the druid said. He held out a small piece of paper to Lolegolas. The Blood Elf took the paper and grunted.

"I see," the Elf said. "A Brewfest voucher. They were turned away from the Orc's party and are on their way to Ironforge to participate."

"The Tauren claimed they wanted to join the Beer of the Month Club," the druid explained. "Thing is, the Dwarves won't be any more interested in the Grimtotem than the Orcs. No Dwarf is going to mail a Grimtotem an interesting beer each month. It'd be sacrilege, worse than worshipping the Old Gods."

Throgg leaped into his saddle. "Lying. The Grimtotem were using it as a cover story for why they're chasing the girl through Elf lands. We have a trail we can follow. It's time to ride like the win, fellows."

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Phat Loot Phriday: Necklace of Fetishes

Throgg turned over the Necklace of Fetishes in his hand. When he'd explained more about the object, the Gilnean quickly waved his hands in the air frantically. "I don't need to know," the druid claimed.

Now, though, Lolegolas stood in the middle of the room, carefully examining his bullets. "These are all fine," the Blood Elf said. "I'm a little surprised, actually, considering how long I was out of action. I should be ready to go with you to the Firelands."

Throgg set the amulet down on a table. "Not going to fire land. Something we need to do first."

Lolegolas cocked his head to the side and waited expectantly. The Gilnean simply drank his tea.

"At the Grimtotems," Throgg said. "There was a little girl. Human. I need to know what happened to her. Did you see her?"

The druid nodded slowly. "I remember her. I was ... distracted, and lost track of her. I tried looking about the camp, but had no luck."

"We find her," Throgg said. "Get vengeance if we must. Then Firelands. Deal?"

Lolegolas dropped the bullets into his ammo pouch. "Deal. We find the girl."

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Phat Loot Phriday: Mirrored Boots

Throgg slid the plate boots onto his feet with a triumphant jerk. "They fit well."

Lolegolas nodded in agreement before taking another sip of tea. His hands were shaking visibly, and the tea threatened to slosh over the side. "We can ignore the reflective top and assume you won't be tucking your shoes under anyone's skirts."

"Mirrored Boots good for tanks," Throgg said, ignoring the jibe. "Very masterful. I didn't even need to loot them from a dead monster. Locally made by craftsmen."

Lolegolas started to agree but was interrupted by wracking coughs. He covered his mouth with a fist and spat flecks of blood. He waved away the orc. "It's nothing."

"Withdrawal," Throgg stated simply. "You shouldn't have done it." The orc crossed the room and laid a hand on the blood elf's shoulder. "Going to find ale house, bring back beer. We'll spend a few nights here, let you rest."

"I'll be fine," Lolegolas claimed, making motions to stand up.

"Rest quietly," Throgg said, "or I'll knock you to sleep. Lay down. I'll be right back."

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Phat Loot Phriday: Reforged Heartless

Lolegolas tapped the blade called Reforged Heartless against his leg. He'd taken it from the cow now bound tightly next to his campfire. Lolegolas wouldn't normally use slurs to describe fellow members of the Horde, but he was running out of patience.

"The thing about addicts," Lolegolas said in a slow, conversational tone, "is that once you've overcome your dependence on the substance ... you're left with a hole."

He stood up and moved closer to the fire to sit next to the Tauren. "The addiction never goes away. You're always aware of it. It's like the buzzing of wasps in the distance. It's always in the corner of your mind. You always want to sate it. The only real difference is that you now have the strength to control that longing. But controlling it hurts. That's life with addiction."

"Tell me, then," the hunter said quietly to the bound warrior. "If you think a sore tooth makes a bear cranky and mean ... what do you think that kind of constant frustration does to one of the Sin'dorei?"

Lolegolas grit his teeth tightly. "I found a man ... an orc ... who helped me with that pain. Your politics took him away, and now I believe your people might kill him. Let's you and I discuss how we're going to keep that from happening."

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Phat Loot Phriday: Gorehowl

Throgg sat waiting in Orgrimmar. It had been a long time since the big orc had visited the capital city of his people, so he was understandably nervous. The druid reclined on the floor. A few orcs had commented on Throgg's "kitty," but they all seemed to take the feline at face value.

"Pardon, friend," Throgg said to a nearby officer. "Any idea how long it will be? I don't mean to rush, but I have this friend I left behind ... "

"LOK'TAR!" the orc roared in response. "AKA MA'BLOOD AND GLORY!"

Throgg blinked in response and looked back down at his companion. "I think I know why Garrosh want to see me. Did you know I wield Gorehowl?"

For his part, the druid looked at Throgg with an expression that could be interpreted as something between I don't care, I will destroy all your furnishings and Do continue, I would love to hear about your loot. Throgg chose the latter interpretation.

"I got it from this demon in Kirzhan ... Karastan ... a wizard's tower," Throgg said. "Replaced it in Northrend, but still. I use it for cucumbers and sausage, now. Methinks Garrosh is upset about that."

The door to the waiting room blew open, and Garrosh's secretary appeared. "LOK'TAR LOK OGAR LOK'TAR," the orc explained. "BLOOD AND ASHES AND GLORY. FOR THE HORDE!"

"That means Garrosh is ready to see me now," Throgg translated for the worgen-kitty. "Also, they'd like to know if you want some milk. I'll tell them no."

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Phat Loot Phriday: The Savager's Mask

The worgen was clearly drunk, but at least it seemed to be sleeping soundly.

"And you say, this was the puppy you had in mind?" Lolegolas asked. The blood elf had the urge to poke the sleeping werewolf with a stick, but he fought it down without much trouble. "Let me be clear here, though. Did you strap the tusks on him, or did he come that way?"

"He was walking out of that practically new troll area," Throgg said. "There is no Zul, only Aman. Or something like that."

Lolegolas pushed a slender hand through his hair. "While I salute your mastery of pop culture references, don't you think raising a worgen would be a lot of work? From the look of that headpiece, this druid's clearly feral. We don't have much room in our flat."

"He did seem pretty agile," Throgg answered. "I just figured since he was wearing a troll-themed Savager's Mask, he might be a little more orc-friendly. And it's so macho-sounding!"

"What? I don't even ... " Lolegolas started, but he was quickly interrupted.

"Rawr!" Throgg growled, pantomiming claws in the air. "I'm so savage. Rawr!"

"You do understand you're throwing our whole role assignments into confusion," Lolegolas said. "Who's the tank? Maybe if we tame him, he'll heal. Then we can have a proper instance group."

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Phat Loot Phriday: Burgy Blackheart's Handsome Hat

"Oh my god, Throgg," Lolegolas gasped. "What have you done to yourself?"

"It's me hat! It is, specifically, Burgy Blackheart's Handsome Hat!" the ex-orc exclaimed. The orc had changed. Where once stood a powerful, green example of the Horde now swaggered a chest-high pirate gnome. "I'm a sword-swinging gnave! A scoundrel of epic proportions! Ready to raid the gnomeland and leave gno man standing!"

Lolegolas sighed, and sat down in the middle of the street. "I'm going gnowhere until you go back to normal."

  • Type: Head
  • Equip: Succumb to the curse of Burgy Blackheart.
How to get it: It drops from Burgy Blackheart himself, Captain of Diane's Fancy, in Shimmering Expanse. Burgy's a rare spawn, though, so it'll take some careful camping to get it.
How to get rid of it: We're not quite sure what it disenchants into or even if it sells. No one's done so yet that we know of. Who'd want to give up such an awesome item?
[Thanks to Debesun for the tip!]

Phat Loot Phriday brings you the scoop on some of the most ... interesting ... loot in the World of Warcraft, often viewed through the eyes of the stalwart Throgg and indelible Lolegolas. Suggest items you think we should feature by emailing mikeg@wowinsider.com.

Filed under: Phat Loot Phriday

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